Answered with: Talking Kiz Whid
In: Homestar's house
1: arms
2: race
3: contest
4: burptalking
5: swiss cake rolls
6: sport
7: witches' brew
8: soup {Guest Email by Jweb Guru}
9: random
10: Strongbadia
11: time machine
12: animation
13: tutor {Guest Email by The Conductor}

Homestar: Here it goes... Email!

Dear HomeStar,
Why do you not have arms. Were you in an accident or something.
-- (Psycho Mike)?

You know, it all started when I got this question eighty-two times and it became annoying so I just had Bubs install an auto filter on my email for the word "arms". Why didn't it work this time?
Bubs: I can fix that... whacks computer with sledgehammer
Homestar: Um, Bubs, where's the compyter?
Bubs: In scattered pieces. runs off

Dear Homestar Runner
Your Pal

Homestar: Right, right. But the thing is though, how do I know where you live? So I'm going to race against whatever I see next... Doregard!
Homestar: OK, on three. One, two, three!
Coach Z: And Homestar's runnin' to the end... but Doregard still has a chance...
Strong Bad (Doregard voice): I'm goona beat that loser!
Coach Z: And Homestar wins the race!
Homestar: So you see, I'm better than a cantelope.

Dear Homestar,
Has Strong Bad ever beaten you in a contest?
From da princess

Homestar: Oh yeah. There was this one time, where he did that thing...
Announcer: And now, for the great Intellegence contest!
Bubs: I put my sock on every night!
Coach Z: Theese peoples try to fade me!
Homestar: Science!
Strong Sad: E = Mc^2.
Strong Bad: Shut up, moron!
Homestar: And Strong Bad won the contest!

Dear H*R,
Can you do burptalking like dil on that show "All Grown Up"?
-A Blue E

Homestar: What are you talking about? BALLETED!

Dear Homestar,

How many Swiss Cake Rolls can you eat in three minutes?


Homestar: I don't know, I'll have to borrow some from Strong Bad.
{At Strong Bad's House}
Strong Sad: 180.
Strong Bad: Ugh. Too much... filling...
Homestar (offscreen): Strong Bad, can I borrow your Swiss Cake Rolls?
Strong Bad: Ugh... maybe... in a second...

Homestar: The best email comes at random!
Dear Home Star Runner,

What is your favorite sport? If you have one, Why do you like it so much?


Homestar: My favorite sport would be Homestarianball. It consists of a star, and...uh... paper plates?
Strong Bad (offscreen): Hey, doofus, are you trying to answer your email again?
{Strong Bad walks in and reads the email}
Strong Bad: Uh, Homestar, you didn't answer the question.
Homestar: Did you just say doing?
Strong Bad: I didn't even say doing... Just answer the email, crapface!
Homestar: I like then enameltechnics of the hydroclorasis because...
Strong Bad: Do you even know what you're talking about?
Homestar: That's the deal, man. The total deal.
Strong Bad: I can't take much more of this! Let me see that!
Strong Bad (typing): Homestar likes Z Ball because it doesn't require information on what's happening. Until next time, email me, Strong Bad, and not Dumpface.

Homestar: Is there anything better than email?
Dear Homestar,
Can you tell me how to make a witches' brew at home?
--Dark Grapefruit

Homestar: First, you get swiss cake rolls, weak lasers, and eighteen H's. Then you throw it all out because it has nothing to do with witches' brew. The real way to make witches brew is...
{The Thnikkaman enters}
Homestar: It's the Thnikkaman. {To the Thnikkaman} Can I have... none?
Thnikkaman: You fail, kid.
{The Thnikkaman leaves}
Homestar: Wow. The Thnikkaman.
{Homestar looks at calendar}
Homestar: Strong Mad's birthday is tomorrow! I'll make him a cake...
{The next day, in Strong Bad's backyard}
Everyone: I did!
{A fight ensues}
{Homestar returns to his computer}
Homestar: So yes, fruity person, fights do ensue when everyone gets Strong Mad a cake.

Homestar Runner: Whoa. What's this computer doing here? { Pause. } Oh, right. The emails. Let's go!

{ The message reads:

Dear Homestar,
You should pour hot soup in Strong Bad's eyes.
--William S. }

Homestar Runner: { typing } William S? You're from S? I've never even heard of that place. Weird. Probably some sort of... witch's brew.

{ Clears the screen. Continues typing. }

So, I should... pour hot soup... in Strong Bad's eyes? Why? I think his eyes are drippy enough on their own. They're sort of sticky, and icky, and really not that pleasant to -

{ Cut camera away. We can see Strong Bad standing behind the computer, which is clearly his computer, reading every word. }

Strong Bad: Homestar! What the crap are you doing here?

Homestar Runner: I think I'm answering my fan email, Mr. Bad. So if you'll just excuse me a moment -

Strong Bad: This is my computer, crap-for-brains! Give it back! { Shaking his head } Geesh.

Homestar Runner: Um, no, Strong Bad. I'm pretty sure I would remember something like that. This is definitely my computer.

Strong Bad: Then why is it in my house?

Homestar Runner: I don't remember exactly. Oh well! It doesn't really matter.

Strong Bad: What do you mean, it doesn't matter? You broke into my house! Again! And you're answering an email from someone who thinks I should have hot soup poured all over my eyes!

Homestar Runner: It's not polite to read over other people's shoulders, Strong Bad. We learned that -

Strong Bad: My eyes aren't runny! What are you talking about? { Pointing to his eyes } Look at these eyes. These are good eyes. Good eyes. I mean, I'm seriously 20-20 or something.

Homestar Runner: No, they look pretty runny to me. Look, they're all shiny. Are you sure you didn't turn them into a witch's -

Strong Bad: No, dude, shut up! And give me back my computer!

Homestar Runner: Uh, okay. { Homestar Runner gets up and leaves the room. } Weirdo.

{ Close up on Strong Bad, sitting once again at the computer terminal. }

Strong Bad: Ah, back again in the proper place. First, to delete the crap Homestar wrote... { Clears the screen and begins to type. } Pour hot soup in Strong Bad's eyes, Bill Sssssssss? No way. Strong Bad's the coolest guy ever! I'd never even think about doing anything to hurt him. In fact, I think I'll give him ten bucks! Or maybe a hundred. And three. Uh... I'm really dumb... Strong Bad's awesome... the Cheat is to the limit? Oh, and I hate Marzipan. Maybe I'll pour hot soup in her eyes. Actually, you know what, Billy? You're right. I think -

{ Cut back to a further camera, where we can see Homestar reentering the room with a bowl of steaming soup. }

Homestar Runner: Oh, hello, everyone! I came to see how you were doing!

Strong Bad: Uh, Homestar, there's just me. There is nobody else. And you're still in my house! And using my kitchen! I thought I told you to get out!

Homestar Runner: I don't think you did.

Strong Bad: Well... get out!

Homestar Runner: What, now?

Strong Bad: NOW! { Wearily } My god... so annoying...

Homestar Runner: Okay, just let me finish answering my email, and away I go! { Homestar Runner reaches for the console. }

Strong Bad: WHAT? No! { A brief struggle ensues. The soup flies out of Homestar's hands and onto Strong Bad's head. }

Homestar Runner: Wow. Oops. Um, so anyway, Wilgram, that's a pretty good answer to your email, if I do say so myself. Right, Strong Bad? { Pause, filled with Strong Bad gargling. } I said, right, Strong Bad?

{ The paper comes down, saying "Click here to email (crossed out: Strong Bad) Homestar Runner". }

Homestar: Welcome to email dot net!
Dear U,

Wats under the cheese? General, lick the ice plate. I like wedgy dogs!


Homestar: Wow, did Homsar get my email or something? Or maybe Coach Z. He's been acting weird.
Coach Z: I gotta be on Survior!
I gotta steal the show!
I gotta practice archery!
I gotta hold a bow!
Homestar: Coach Z, how'd you get here?
Coach Z: I dunno. Probably has something to do with the door being wide open.
Homestar: Did you eat Strong Sad's pills or something?
Coach Z: No man, I'm down.
Strong Bad: Down with-
Homestar': What is everyone doing here?
{swiss cake roll appears}

Homestar: What's email plus email?
Dear Homestar,
Can you spend a night in Strongbadia?

Homestar: I never really tested. So I'll have to find out!
{Outside of Strongbadia}
Strong Bad: You want to rent Strongbadia? No way, man.
Homestar: Yeah, I knew you would say that.
Strong Bad: Well? Go away.
Homestar: I already HAVE gone.
Strong Bad: Well... stay gone!
Homestar: I'll give you... Jenga if you let me stay in Strongbadville.
Strong Bad: That's Strong Sad's goldfish? Done!
{That night}
Homestar: 8:20 - Set up canp.
9:42 - Homsar walked by.
10:01 - DISASTER! Stop Sign fell over.
13:89 - Fell asleep.

Homestar: How do you spell "email"?

Dear Dumpface,

Why cant you pronounce your "R"s? You could in the past and you can in the future. Did you gain the accent then lose it?


Homestar: Wow! You must be a time traveler or something! Did, like, your time machine explode? I've gotta get Bubs!
{Later, at Bubs Concession Stand...}
Bubs: Hey, Homestar! Come to buy the "mystery waffles"?
Homestar: This guy's time machine exploded!
Bubs: I'll be right on it!
{The two return to Homestar's computer room. Bubs is carring wire, a Diet Sprite can, paper plates, crumpled tissues, and a rug.}
Bubs: {reads the email} False alarm.
Homestar: Whaaa?
Bubs: He's one of those Agent guys. They don't have time machines.
{PomPom walks in}
Bubs: Oh. PomPom. I didn't break your stereo...
{PomPom begins chasing Bubs. Bubs drops his stuff as he runs away}
Homestar (typing): Like Bubs said, go fix your own time machine! {Five seconds later} Whoa... I could make a witches brew with this stuff...

Homestar (singing): All the emails are answering me...

Dear Thou {says "thoo"} Who Cannot Pronounce His R's,
Has The Cheat ever made you any animations?

Homestar: I got someone else's email! {On his commands at the bottom, he presses forward repeatedly} Why... won't... it work...?
Homestar: Well, Bob, I guess I'll have to answer your email. It all started when I went to give Marzipan pencil shavings for a facial...
{Scene cuts to Homestar walking in the field. Homestar has a bag with 'pen shavings' written on it}
Homestar: Why does Marzipan have to live somewhere?
{The Cheat darts out}
Homestar: Whoa! The Cheat!
The Cheat: {The Cheat noises.}
Homestar: Um... How about an animation?
{Cut to Tangerine Dreams}
Homestar: That's the deal, man. The total deal.
The Cheat: {Doubtful noises}
Homestar: Just do it!
Strong Bad: What will I do with this bowl of grapefruit?
KOT: I believe I have a use for that.
{Strong Bad throws the grapefruit at the KOT. It misses and hits a balloon}
Strong Mad (very clear): Oh no, my balloon has burst.
Coach Z: I am juggling something!
{Cut back to Tangerine Dreams}
Strong Bad: That was the worst animation you ever made, The Cheat! Why'd you make it for Homestar?
{The Paper falls}

Homestar: Everybody loves the Homestar Email. It is a terrific feature.

Dear Homestar, Why don't you try to retake school or get a tutor.
Your emailer, The Conductor

Homestar: Hm... That's not a bad idea! Wait.
{He goes on the internet and types in}
Homestar: what is "tutor", computer.
Homestar: Tutor is another word for teacher.
Homestar: Oh, I get it. Well, Tecondur, I can't afford a school. And I can't become a teacher either. Way too confusing.
Homestar: Who's this?
Homestar: Hmm...Think. Think. Did mom say talk to strangers or not? Oh yeah! Talk to stangers!
Homestar: Okay, I will!
{Homestar Runs and The Paper Comes Down}

Whassup Homestar,
Were you born with a lisp, or did something happen to your lip or something? Do you know what a lisp is?
Signed, the sticking-out-tongue lady :p
(2004.08.01 07:14:51) (history) WikiFanStuff/OtherCharacterEmail/HomeStar . . . .