Jweb Guru

Table of Contents...

The Facts

Whatever can we find to say about this illustrious man? Well...

He has more money in his pocket right now than you do, you poor person.
One time, he wanted to make this joke, so he made this joke, and... yeah. It was great.
He's a stickler for... well, grammar. And spelling. Both of them, really. He wishes the two of them would be treated less as... silly, meaningless relics of an ancient past... and more like... the future, and indeed the only hope for this world's survival.
He's apparently somehow acquired a small fanbase on this Wiki. How? He certainly doesn't know... must be his immense charisma, dripping all over the place again.

The Interview

Well, as clearly this isn't saying much, we got our top reporters to work 'round the clock to figure out whatever he was talking about.

REPORTER: So, Mr. Guru...

JWEB GURU: Yeah, that's me.

REPORTER: Mr. Guru, what is the secret behind your remarkable success?

JWEB GURU: What remarkable success?

REPORTER: You know, the... the remarkable success that you've been having in all your various endeavours.

JWEB GURU: Well, I haven't really had any.

REPORTER: ...Mr. Guru, where did you first hear about the Homestar Runner?

JWEB GURU: It was a cold December day in 1986. A terrible storm surged the land. And there, before me, was Homestar -

REPORTER: No it wasn't.

JWEB GURU: Could have been.

REPORTER: It really couldn't.

JWEB GURU: ...Okay, well, someone told me about Trogdor. She said the burnination was just cool. Ly funny.

REPORTER: Was she right?

JWEB GURU: If she wasn't would I be here?

REPORTER: You could just be trying to irritate people.

JWEB GURU: But of course I'm not.

REPORTER: ...Okay, you're not. Well, you heard it, folks. That's Jweb Guru.

{ A heavy load drops upon the reporter's head. }

The Shameless Innuendo

But what is this brave man, this doer of great deeds... what is he really like? We didn't trust him, so we asked his parents and his friends. All of them said he was supercool and deserved ten bucks. So we gave them to him. You should, too. Or the Trogdor'll come in the NIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGHT!

The Works of Literature

I'd prefer that you go to my Great Works of Literature page in order to see what these are, as I don't particularly want to clutter up my own user page either. See below if you are completely confused. Yes, 'tis verily fine to admit confusion. People do it every day.

Want to Comment?

Then go here and do so. I don't want you cluttering up my page with even more useless drivel or constructive criticism than there already is. It'd be silly.

Is that Still Not Enough?

Well, you're in luck! The illustrious and incipiently superior Jweb Guru has decided to reveal small bits of contact information for those of you too unfortunate to do otherwise to contact him with! Remember, this information is highly limited and valuable, so 'twould be advisable not to tell anyone. No, not even your best fish Eric.

Email: [jweb_guru@hotmail.com]
AIM: ProgramFan - No, there are no others. The Jweb Guru needs no others.

Yes, that is all the information he's revealing now. As it is he hopes - sincerely - that you has what it takes to keep the information where it belongs, in the Home Starmy Wiki Dot Org. Or some such.