Strong Bad: (Singing) Itís email time again! Doot doodle-ooh-doo, Doot doodle-ooh-doo, Doot doodle-ooh-doo.

(Reading Email) Dear Strong Bad,

Does Strongbadia have itsí own local news, even? If so, I hope itís better than my local news.

Sincerely, Dan D.

Tallaha-... Tasalan-.. Gainesville, Florida (it says "Tallahassee")

(typing) Okay, Dan, Iím only going to sing this one more time: (singing) Ohhhhhhh If you want it to be possessive, itís just ďITSĒ but if itís supposed to be a contraction then itís I-T-apostrophe-S. Scalawag.

Ahem. Um, of course weíve got local news. Itís the- Itís the greatest! Um... But I- I have to go now... and... do something... completely unrelated to me... throwing together... the aforementioned local news. Hoight!

(cuts to Strongbadia)

The Cheat (making Cheat noises in the background)

Strong Bad (holds up "Strongbadia Action Cool News 5" sign) Strongbadia Action Cool News 5! Top Stories with anchorperson Strong Bad, Strong Mad with the sports, local weather with Tire, and The Cheat with SkyCheat Traffic!

Good evening and tonight. Iím Strong Bad with todayís top stories: The World in Crisis! More on that later. Now lets check in with The Cheat with SkyCheat Traffic.

(Strong Mad throws The Cheat high into the air.

Strong Bad makes helicopter sounds.

The Cheat: (keeps getting thrown up and down, and his speech is subtitled) Thanks Strong Bad...This is The Cheat... with SkyCheat Traffic...There appears to be...some congestion...around Bubsí Concession Stand.

(cuts to the concession stand. Homestar, Marzipan and the King of Town are standing in line. There is a sign that says "Stand in Line $5")

Homestar Runner Best five bucks I ever spent.

(cuts back to Strongbadia)

Strong Bad: Thank you, The Cheat I guess those roads should not be rode on, eh?

The Cheat: (subtitled) Not funny...I didn't even mention...any roads.

Strong Bad: Yes, well, thank you, tonight,now on to our top story: The World in Crisis. (You can see Bubs, but he runs away) But first, Strong Mad with the sports.

Strong Mad: (bouncing football on the floor with a tennis racket) I SHOULD WIN! I SHOULD WIN IT! (swats football at camera, you can hear Strong Sad saying "ow")

Strong Bad: Well, it looks like our sportscaster isn't being a very good sport, eh?

The Cheat: (subtitled) Pathetic.

Strong Bad: Will the winter weather chill your cheeks? What's the word, Tire?

(cuts to the tire with a weather map. The map falls on the tire and it rolls away. Cut back to Strong Bad.)

Strong Bad: You heard it folks. Bundle up, but keep your swimsuit on outside your pants. Tonight folks, and have a great job. Remember to turn in tomorrow for our special investigative report expose: The World in Crisis. Strongbadia Action Cool News 5. "We're investiga-awesome".

The Paper

Transcription completed collaboratively by;