Transcript

Strong Bad: Woah. Guess it's been a while. Sorry about that, compy. Need to get some... Endust.

Strong Bad reads: "Dear Strong Bad, I was curious as to whether or not Strongbadia had an official army.
Your Homeboy,
Hank Toler"

Strong Bad Types: Does Strongbadia have an army? Strongbadia needs no army, Hankatola.
Me and that one big guy and that one little guy... we're like a one man army.
A three man one-y. Three-to-one-marny? (is a link to a guidebook to playing Three-to-one-marny. (A game invented by Lem Sportsinterviews))
What I mean to say is, what do we need an army for when the three of us pretty much do as we please?
I mean, it's not like there's anyone around to oppose us.

Homestar Runner: Alright maggot, fall it out. Colonel (he pronounces it as written) Homestar Runner is recruting the most elite team of crack commandos to invade Strongbadia.
Do you has (sic) what it takes to join the HomeStarmy?
Will you bring a sack lunch and some orange slices for me and serve your country?
Will you, stupid??

Strong Bad: Um... no.
I don't really have any intrest in invading my own--

Homestar Runner:Ten-hut! Draft dodger, ay? We'll see if those trees you're always hugging save you when Gordon Lightfoot's creeping round your back stair.
Company... Halt!
Backwards... March.
<begins to march backwards off screen>

SB: What in the-

< Homestar sticks his head back in> Homestar Runner:Oh, and if you change your mind, you wanna trade in that skirt you're wearing for a nice pair of camos?
We're having a pep rally up at the stick in O-15 minutes.

Strong Bad:Wow. I thought I knew what ridiculous was, until this day.
This definitely merits some further reconnaissance. The Cheat!

The Cheat:(I'm here)

Strong Bad:The Cheat, I need you to find out-

The Cheat:(I'm not listening...)

Strong Bad:Ohhh. Don't make me call you that. It's not a good commando name.

The Cheat:(Commando name!)

Strong Bad:All right. Firebert, I need you to find out what the crap Homestar Runner is up to at the stick in O-15 minutes

The Cheat:(Yes, Sir!)

<scene chages to the stick>
Homestar Runner: Are you sick and tired of playing second-fiddle to a two bit wrestle man and his yellow dog?

Crowd: YEAH!

Homestar Runner: Are you ready to fight alongside your Colonel (pronounced as written) and give your five bucks to the HomeStarmy if it comes to that?

Crowd: YEAH!

Homestar Runner: Do you wanna paint that fence some other cool color and put a fake beard on that tire?

<Silence>
<View of Homestar Runner's audience, showing it consists of the painting of a guy with a knife (StrongBadEmail/i love you), Strong Sad holding a tapedeck, Homsar, and a popcorn popper.>


Strong Sad: Oh, sorry. Forgot to rewind.
<rewinds tape deck and presses play>

Recording: YEAH!

Homsar: DaAaAaAa. You gotta get yours. I gotta get mine.

Homestar Runner: All right then maggots! Lets get out there and invade us some serious STRONGBADIA!
Company... GO!

<The HomeStarmy marches off and The Cheat appears from behind The Stick.>

<view shifts to Strongbadia where Strong Bad and Strong Mad are wondering about badminton>

Strong Bad: Yeah, I don't know. Maybe there is a goodminton.

<The HomeStarmy marches up. Homsar fails to stop marching and walks right off the other side of the screen.>

Homestar Runner: Strong Bad. So I see you decided to join the other side, eh?

Strong Bad: What joining?? I AM the other side!

Homestar Runner: Ten-Hut! Prepare to feel the flouride sting of the HomeStarmy!
Strongbadia... will be ours!

Strong Bad: No it won't. We're about to play some badminton. So.. no invasion.

Homestar Runner: Oh. So I see. Retreat!! Fall back men! We're in over our heads!

Strong Sad: Hold the line! Hold the liiiine!

Strong Bad: And take this stupid thing with you.
<kicks popcorn popper>
<A crash is heard off screen>

Homestar Runner: Bennedetto! Don't you die on me Bennedetto! Not on my watch! Don't you give up! <Tearing up> You never gave me the five bucks...

<back to Strong Bad and his computer>
Strong Bad Typing: And that, my dear Hankerin', is why Strongbadia will never need an army, though we are in dire need of a copy of the official rules of badminton.
No idea what we're doing. None.

The Paper


Strong Bad:<mumbles> Firebert. Terrible!

Note: It's sort of hard to tell, but I think my interpatation of what the cheat is saying is correct.
(I used a program called FlashBoy to transcribe the email. It has a pause feature! It's great! It's at: http://www.skinnables.org/orphanware.php)
Sorry to say it, but I can't get Flashboy to work. It says it's missing a file named "COMDLG32.OCX". How do I get that?
I dunno. It worked fine on my Win98SE computer. try doing a google for the file.