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Sat, 01 May 2004 13:57:55 . . . . Jweb Guru [What WAS that? Some sort of... double-quote monster?]

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= The Essay on Grammatical Correctness =
=== A Children's Book by Matt and Craig (actual story courtesy of Jweb Guru) ===

:Evry1 <3s teh Homstar Runer. Hez a terifik atlete.

"Hold it," the better-educated among us are saying. "What WAS that?" Well, that was apparently English. But not any ordinary English - it is English symbolic of the lurking horrors inherent to the online world today.

Here are a few examples of mistakes that are very commonly made:

#u
#:There is no 'u'. 'U' is a letter of the English alphabet, not a pronoun. The pronoun you are here thinking of is probably you, as in, "You are an evil, evil man, and a grammatical fascist."
#r
#:The same goes for 'r' as goes for 'u'. It's a letter, not a form of the verb 'to be'. The one you are thinking of is are, which sounds the same but is spelled differently. I'm sure you are aware of what I am referring to here.
#your and you're
#:This is one of the most frustrating things I see online. Okay, people...
#*Your is possessive. E.g. "Is that your flannel?"
#*You're is a contraction meaning "you are". E.g. "You're British, right?"
#There, their, and they're
#:Along the same lines, there is a difference between there, their, and they're.
##Their is the possesive of they. It is not interchangeable with any other form of the same homonym.
##*Ex.: Pom Pom and Homestar are taking their dates to dinner.
##*Also, try not to use their when his or his or her is necessary. e.g. "Anyone who didn't like the 100th email is out of their mind." say instead: "Anyone who didn't like the 100th email is out of his or her mind."
##There; you know... like not here, but _____. It is not interchangeable with any other form.
##*Ex.: Put the melonade over there, where they're setting up for the luau.
##They're is the contraction short for they are. It is not inerchangeable with any other form of the word.
##*Ex.: They're going to have a tough time covering up this one.
#Its and it's
#:Another frustrating thing. Listen, kids...
#*Its is possessive. E.g. "Whether it's dead or not is its own business.
#*It's is a contraction meaning "it is". E.g. "It's really cold outside, for spring."
#The superfluous 'z'
#:Do you know how many words ACTUALLY end in Z? I don't know any that do, offhand (Edited: After thinking for awhile, I realized there are a number. Examples include blitz, fritz and ditz. However, my point remains largely the same). Please cease in your laughable efforts to place a Z at the end of words that do not require it, which in English would tend to be most words.
#LoL
#:Laugh out loud? Lots of laughs? I don't care what you think it means, it and every one of its derivatives are incorrect grammar and have no reason to appear in comments. I shouldn't have to say this, but the use of it has become something of a fad.
#Capitalization in general
#:Okay, sewiously, you guys. Words should be capitalized only in the following situations that you are likely to encounter in the course of this Wiki:
##At the beginning of a sentence, the first letter is always capitalized. For example, "When I saw the way people disregarded capitalization online, I began to cry.
##When using the pronoun I. E.g.: "It was a cold, gloomy day, and I noticed the way that the hurricane swept around my ankles and reduced them to bone.
##When stating a proper noun; that is, a name. Example: Jweb Guru, The Cheat, and The Stick were all chilling when Song About Sibbie came onto the radio.
##When stating titles, capitalize: nouns that are not prepositions or articles, unless they are the first or last words, or the article / preposition is part of the name of the thing (I'm here thinking of The Cheat). E.g. "It Was a Beautiful Day"
##Finally, as was pointed out to me by the Princess of StrongBadia, capitalization can be done for emphasis. However, this is to be frowned on except when used in formatting. Example: "I like cheese, but I LOVE The Cheat!
#Whose vs Who's
#:Who's is the contraction; short for Who is or maybe Who has. Whose is the possessive form of who. For Example:
#*Correct: Whose hat is that?
#**Incorrect: I don't know who's hat that is.
#*Correct: Who's got the reddest radish?
#**Incorrect: Mirror, mirror, on the wall, whose the greatest of them all?
#Punctuation

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== The Essay on Grammatical Correctness Comments ==