The Two Evil Tall Things

Part two of The Lord of the Stars

Book III

Chapter One: The Departure of Homsar

Strong Bad ran down the hill towards the sound. When he got their, the Ungur-Hais were between him and Homsar. Homsar ran down the stone steps with Coach Z and Bubs and down the path, the Ungur-Hai following. The others attacked Strong Bad. The Cheat and Strong Mad showed up to help Strong Bad.
"DaAaAaA?! Run for your liffe!"
The Ungur-Hai attacked Homsar. He killed two more, but Lurtzy walked out from the woods as Homsar and Coach Z and Bubs fought. He lifted his bow, aimed a big, black arrow and shot it into Homsar's left shoulder.
He gasped and fell on his knees. More Ungur-Hai were coming and he screamed, got up, and swung hard at one, who fell. Lurtzy growled and shot again. A black arrow flew into Homsar's stomach. He fell to his knees but kept fighting. Lurtzy shot him one last time in the heart. He stayed on his knees, blinking.
Coach Z and Bubs stared. With all the courage they could find, they charged into the Ungur-Hai with a cry.
"THE QUIOR!" they yelled together.
They never had the chance to strike. The Ungur-Hai lifted them up and carried them off. They waved their arms frantically.
"Help! Help us! Help!" they yelled.
The Ungur-Hai troop walked past Homsar, who stared at the hobtons.
Lurtzy, now left alone, stopped ten feet from Homsar and took aim.
"DaAaA?! How are you on this fine dayyy?"
Lurtzy let go, but it flew off harmlessly.
Strong Bad crashed into Lurtzy with a scream.
Strong Bad lost his sword and was thrown to the ground. Lurtzy threw a sheild at him when he got up and pinned him against a tree.
"UGH! AACKK!" he gargled.
Lurtzy raised his sword and striked, but Strong Bad sliped beneath the shield and dodged. He pulled out a knife and stabed Lurtzy in the leg. He roared and knocked Strong Bad to the ground, making him roll a few feet away. Lurtzy then pulled out the knife of his leg and threw it at Strong Bad, who found his sword and used it to bat the knife away. CLANG!
Meanwhile, Strong Mad and The Cheat were still fighting. Strong Mad stepped back and ran into them all, knocking them to the ground, the stabbed them before they got up.
Strong Bad closed in on Lurtzy and in a flurry of swordplay, sliced his arm off and then stabed him in the chest. Lurtzy grabbed the sword and pulled himself up on the it, closer to Strong Bad, snarling. Strong Bad grimaced, pulled his sword out of Lurtzy, swung it wide, and hacked off Lurtzies head. The rest of Lurtzy fell to the ground.
He paused a moment, panting. He then noticed Homsar. Homsar, pale and bloodied, was lying on his back, his head close to a tree.
"No!" Strong Bad yelled running up and kneeling by Homsar.
"DaAaAaA?! They took the hobton's on a ride of joyyyy!"
"Be still!"
"DaAaAa?! Where is the fat, ugly and white one?"
"I let Homestar go." Strong Bad reached to pull the arrows out, but Homsar stopped him.
"DaAaA?! WAaAa??! The world is over...."
Strong Bad gave Homsar his sword hilt and laid it across his chest.
Homsar didn't say anything after that.
"Be at freakin' peace," Strong Bad said.
The Cheat and Strong Mad appeared and saw what happened, sadly.
Strong Bad looked into the forest and sighed.

"Hurry! Homestar and PomPom have reached the eastern shore!" squacked The Cheat.
Strong Bad stood still. The Cheat stared at him, suddenly understanding.
"You mean, were not going to follow them?" he asked, even though he knew the answer.
"Homestar's fate is no longer in our hands," Strong Bad replied.
"The Fellowship has failed!"
The Cheat and Strong Mad walked up beside Strong Bad.
"Not if we hold true to each other. We will not abandon Coach Z and Bubs to torment and death. Not while we have strength left. Leave all that can be spared behind. We travel light. Let’s hunt some freakin' Ungurait!"
Strong Bad picked up his sword from the ground. He ran off into the forest.
The Cheat and Strong Mad looked at each other, grinning.
"Yes!! Haha!" The Cheat yelled as he and Strong Mad ran after Strong Bad.

Chapter Two: The Riders of Rohand

The Ungur-Hai ran down through Rohand. Coach Z and Bubs were be carried on two Ungur-Hai's backs.
"Borbs! Borbs!" Coach Z whispered.
The Ungur-Hai in front stoped, and raised his hand.
"What is it?" asked a voice from the crowd.
"What do you smell!?" asked another voice.
"Manflesh," the Ungur-Hai snarled.
"Borbs! It's Strong Bad!" Coach Z whispered.
Bubs had a gash on his forhead.
"Borbs, are you all right?" asked Coach Z.
Bubs winked.
"They've picked up our trail! Let's move!" the Ungur-Hai said. They all started to run and picked up speed as Coach Z had a thought. Using his teeth, he detached the leaf-brooch of his Lorion cloak, spat it out onto the trail, and watched it untill many
Unguraits trampled over it, but it was still in plain view when they passed.

Strong Bad put the side of his head onto the hilt of his sword, which was stuck into the ground.
"They are moving faster. They caught our scent! Hurry!"
"Come on Strong Mad!" squacked The Cheat.
The tree ran over the hills, until Strong Bad stopped. He leaned to the ground and scratched some mud off something.
"The leaves of Lorion do not fall often," Strong Bad said, holding the brooch.
"They may be alive!" The Cheat squacked.
"We have less than a day. Come on!"
"Come on Strong Mad, were gaining on them!" The Cheat yelled to Strong Mad, who was lagging.
They each climbed over a large boulder and looked out over the sunset of Rohand.
"Rohand. Come on!" Strong Bad yelled and motioned with his hand to come.
They continued on, The Cheat running ahead. He jumped onto a boulder.
"What do you see?" asked Strong Bad. The Cheat put his hand to above his eyes and squinted. He could see some shadow in the distance.
"They turned Northeast. They're taking them to Whos-in-gard!" he squacked.
"20X6," Strong Bad muttered.

Smoke and fire rose from Whos-in-gard. 20X6 was inside Organic, using the Palantir.
"The world is changing! Who now has the strength to stand against the armies of both Whos-in-gard and DorMor?, man? To stand against the might of Lord Ungurait and Homestar 20X6?"
Unguraits were cutting down large trees. They threw them into the pits, as 20X6 walked through the ironworks under Organic.
"The old world will burn in the fires of Industry, man, the forests will fall and a new order will totally rise! We will drive the machine of war with the sword, spear and the iron fist of the Ungurait! We just may have to remove those good guys.
"The Rohandim took your lands, man; they drove your people into the hills to totally scratch a living off boulders, man!"
"Murderers!" Somebody called. 20X6 and the rest of the Ungur-Hai were standing outside Organic. Everybody shouted.
"Take back the lands they took from you, burn every village to the ground, man!"
"YAAUGH!" they all yelled. They took off running out of Whos-in-gard.
"It will begin in Rohand, too long have peasants stood against you dudes, but totally no more of that!"
"Éotha-in, Éotha-in! You take your sister, you’ll faster with just two," a woman in Rohand said, and a boy mounted a horse.
"But Father says Éotha-in must not ride Kennoff, he is too big for him!" the little girl, apparently the boys sister, said. The woman put her onto the horse in front of the boy.
"Listen, you must ride to Ed-or-as and raise the alarm. Do you understand me?" asked the woman.
"Yes," Éotha-in said.
"I don’t want to leave. I don’t go!"
"Freday, I will find you there," she said as a scream was heard. The woman looked back to see Whos-in-gard's army running down the hill.
The children galloped off with the rest of the small village.
They attacked the village. They sliced people with their swords, burned the houses. Screams and everything else rose up from the village as the children looked down upon it.
"Rohand, my lord, is totally ready to fall, man."

The capital of Rohand, Ed-or-as, had a king, King Stinkoman. He had a nephew and neice, The Poopsmith and Eyowen.
The Poopsmith and his contingent rode to Ed-or-as's gate. He got off his horse and ran in.
Theodried, the King's son, was lying in a bed, badly wounded. Eyowen rushed in and sat on his bed across from her brother, The Poopsmith.
"Theodried," she said.
Theodried slightly moved his head and tried to open his eyes. He let out a small breath. Eyowen looked at The Poopsmith, but he didn't look back.
They both went to the throne room where they approached Stinkoman. He was pale and limp, and could hardly talk. He was in bad condition. His skin had wrinkles and wasn't shiney but grey.
"Your son is badly wounded, my lord," Eyowen said.
"He was ambushed, by Unguraits. If we don’t defend our county, 20X6 Homestar will take it by force," The Poopsmith's sign said. He had taken a vow of silence, the only way to communicate was to hold up signs.
But then a white, scrachty haired man stepped out from behind the throne.
"That is lie. He has ever been our friend and ally."
Stinkoman whispered indistinctly. The man, Grima Slugnose, bent down to hear him.
"Unguraits are roaming freely across our lands, unchecked, unchallenged, killing at will. Unguraits bearing the white hand of 20X6," The Poopsmith's sign said.
He placed an Ungurait helmet onto the step in front of the throne. It had a white hand painted on it.
"Why do you lay these troubles on an already troubled mind? Can you not see, your uncle is wearied by your malcontent, your war mongering.
"War mongering??" the sign said," How long is it since 20X6 brought you? What was the promised price? When all the men are dead you will take your share of the treasure."
Eyowen left the room, catching the eye of Grima.
"To long have you watched my sister, to long have you haunted her steps!" Men grabbed The Poopsmith and pulled him away.
"You see much, too much," The Poopsmith was punched in the gut by one of the gaurds," you are banished forthwith from the Kingdom of Rohand under pain of death!"
Grima pulled out a peice of paper stating that, signed by the king.
The Poopsmith was pulled out of Ed-or-as.

The Unguraits ran through a field, Coach Z and Bubs still being carried.
The three were still in pursuit, Strong Mad still lagging a little behind.
"KEEP BREATHING!" he said to himself, though all three could hear.
"They are running as if whips were being slung at them!" squacked The Cheat.
Strong Bad laughed. "Oh, ho, ho, you've got that right!"
At night, the Unguraits stopped, and Coach Z and Bubs were thrown to the ground.
"We ain't goin no further, ‘til we’ve had a breather!" one said.
"Get a fire going," the lead Ungurait said. The Unguraits left into the woods and chopped on trees.
Coach Z crawled over to Bubs.
"Borbs, Borbs!" he whispered.
"I think we might have made a mistake leaving the Quior, Coach," he said back.
Groaning could be heard as the Unguraits chopped the trees.
"Whort is that?"
"It's the trees."
"You remember the old forest. Folks used to say there was something in the water that made the trees grow tall and come alive.
"Trees that could whisper, talk to each other, even move!"
"I'm starvin'! We ain't had nothin' but maggoty bread for three stinkin' days! Well I'm sick of it!" an Ungurait said.
"Yeah, why can’t we have some meats?" another one said, looking at Coach Z and Bubs," What about them? They’re fresh!"
"They are not for eating," the head Ungurait said.
The first Ungurait grabbed the two hobtons and dragged them away from the group.
"What about their legs? They don’t need those. Ooh, they look tasty!"
"Get back, Scum!" the lead Ungurait said.
All the Unguraits yelled.
"Carve ‘em up. Just a mouthful!" he said. He raised his blade towards the hobtons, but then his head flew off to the side and landed in front of Coach Z.
Everything was silent.
"Looks like meats back on the menu, boys!" the lead Ungurait said, slicing open the Ungurait. Coach Z and Bubs are pushed out of the way as the Unguraits ate headless one.
"Coach Z, let’s go!" Bubs whispered. They bothed crawled off until something stops Bubs. Coach Z looked at the foot sitting atop Bub's back.
"Go on, call for help. Squeal! No one’s gonna save you now!" he said. He pulled out his knife as a spear whizzed through the back of his head and stuck out his face. He landed in between the two.
"Run!" Bubs whispered.
The rest of the Unguraits turned around. Riders came galloping through and battled the Unguraits. The riders were slaughtering them as they rode through using bows, spears and swords. Heads lay all around.
"Coach Z!" Bubs yelled.
Coach Z found himself under a rearing horse.
"OOORRH!" he yelled.

"The red sun rises, blood has been spilled this night," The Cheat squacked.
It was morning, and the sun, a dark red, was rising.
Strong Bad bent down and looked at the ground. He heard horses and looked around. He didn't see any, but he gestured for them both to come hide behind a rock. Over the hill in a silhoulete, riders of Rohand rode up. Strong Bad stepped out.
"Riders of Rohand, What news from the mark?" he yelled. Strong Mad and The Cheat came and stood beside Strong Bad as the horsemen surrounded them, spears out. Strong Mad made a face like "I'll jab that thing down your throught if you try to hurt me".
"What business does a wrestler, a mexican mask man and a, a, a cheatah-type thing have in the Riddermark? Speak quickly!" said The Poopsmith's sign.
"Your real name, horse master and I shall give you mine," squacked The Cheat.
"I'm not sure what you just said, but I would cut off your head, if it stood but a little higher from the ground. Now what is your business?"
The Cheat drew his bow.
"You would die before you had a chance!" squacked The Cheat.
The spears closed in on The Cheat and Strong Bad grabbed his arms, putting the bow down.
"I am Strong Bad, this is Strong Mad, my brother, and this is The Cheat. Please use 'The' in front of 'Cheat'. We are friends of Rohand, and Stinkoman your King. And you smell. What's your deal?"
"He no longer recongnizes friend from foe," The Poopsmith roemoved his helmet, "not even his own kin. I used to be his 'poopsmith', but he fired me."
The riders raised their spears.
"20X6 has poisoned the mind of Stinkoman," the sign said, "and claimed lordship over his lands. My company are those loyal to Rohand, and for that we are banished. He is cunning. He walks around here they say, as an old man, hooded and cloacked. His spies slip past our nets."
"We are no spies. We track a party of Ungur-Hai westward across the plain. They have taken two of our friends captive," Strong Bad said.
"The Ungurs are destroyed, we slaughtered them during the night," the sign said.
"But there were two hobtons. Did you see two hobtons with them?" asked The Cheat.
"He said 'Did you see two hobtons'?" said Strong Bad.
"I would not be able to tell," the sign responded.
"Green body-suit, blue head?"
"We left none alive. We piled the carcasses and burned them."
"DEAD?" asked Strong Mad.
Nodding, the sign said "I am sorry."
The Cheat put his hand on Strong Mad's back in comfort.
"May these horses bear you to better fortune than their former masters," said the sign, "Farewell."
Two horses came forward, one sorrel and one white.
"Look for your friends, but do not trust to hope," The Poopsmith' sign said, "We ride north!"
The riders followed The Poopsmith away, leaving the three alone. They rode towards the pile of burning bodies, and Strong Mad jumped off and searched through the smoldering bodies, as Strong Bad and The Cheat looked for any signs for the two. Strong Mad picked up a small sword belt.
"May they find peace after death," The Cheat squacked.
Strong Bad hung his head, shouted and kicked one of the helmets. He looked over at a spear sticking into the ground, straight up. An Ungurait head was stuck on the spear head, blood slowly dripping out it's neck.
"We failed them," The Cheat squacked.

Strong Bad looked at the rustled, dead grass.
"Something small lay here, two," he said, bending towards the ground, looking , "the crawled, their hands were bound. But then they were cut," he picked up some cut ropes, tangled up," They ran over here, followed. The tracks lead away from the battle..."
"No..." The Cheat squacked.
"...into Fangold Forrest," Strong Bad finished.

"OOORRHH!" yelled Coach Z as he lay under the rearing horse. He rolled to the side, barely missing the hooves. They made a thud as they hit the ground. He and Bubs started to crawl out of the middle of battle when they came across a discarded scimitar. He started to rub on his bindings. He cut them, cut Bubs's, and the both got up and ran. They ran back and forth between people, under horses, running behind Unguraits. One of them grabbed Bub's belt.
"Dag!" he yelled as he was pulled back. He undid the belt and the Ungurait had only a belt. He growled and chased after them.
"Run!" Bubs yelled.
They ran into the thick trees, and they couldn't be seen anymore.
They jumped onto the ground and backed up into the roots.
"Did we lose 'em?" asked Bubs.
"I thork so," Coach Z said.
The sighed and breathed heavily when an Ungurait came crashing through the leaves and branches.
"I'm gonna rip off your filthy head, then I'm gonna drink your fluids!" he yelled.
They ran behind a tree.
"Come on, I've got somethin to show you!"
They ran away farther.
"Trees, climb a tree!" whispered Bubs, grabbing onto a branch and pulling himself up. Coach Z followed.
"He gorn," Coach Z said.
The Ungurait grabbed him by the ankle and dragged him down the tree.
The Unurait leaped onto him, and Coach Z kicked him in the face.
Bubs looked back at the tree to find a way down, but then looked back at Coach Z. Then he did a double take, for the tree had blinked its eyes.
"Augh!" he yelled.
He let go of the tree, falls backward, then had a hard 'Thud'. The tree had caught him with his branches, which were really arms.
"Let's put a maggot hole in your belly, you little-"
A giant tree foot landed on top of the Ungurait, squishing him. Coach Z got up.
The tree took two steps and picked up Coach Z with his other hand.
"Listen, listen, bu-la-rum," the tree said. He had a slow, non-hasty voice. He took a while to speak.
"Oh Dag! I-I-It's talking Coach Z, the tree is talking!"
"Tree?!? I tree. I am an Kent,"
"A tree herder, a shepherd of the forest," Bubs said.
"Don't morke it talk more!" Coach Z said.
"Some call me... Treebreath."
"And whose sorde ore you on?" asked Coach Z.
"Side? I am on nobody's side, because nobody's on my side, little Ungurait. Nobody cares for the woods anymore."
"We're not Unguraits! We're from Hobton!" Bubs said.
"Hobton? Never heard of a hobton before. Sounds like Ungurait mischief to me," he said. He gripped them tighter.
"They come with fire, they come with axes, gnawing, biting, breaking, hacking, burning. Destroyers and usurpers. Curse them!"
"No, you don’t understand. We’re hobtons, quior-folk," Bubs said.
"Maybe you are, and maybe you are not. The Kid will know," he said.
"The Kord?" whispered Coach Z to Bubs.
"20X6," Bubs replied.
Treebreath dropped the hobtons onto the ground.

Chapter Three: The Grey Wizard

"Ungurait blood," The Cheat squaked. He had seen some black gunk on a leaf, tasted it, and spit it out.
The three made their way through Fangold.
"The air is so close in here," Strong Bad said.
"It is old, very old. Full of anger," The Cheat squacked.
The trees groaned. Strong Mad had his axe.
"They are speaking to each other," Strong Bad said, "how weird."
"Lower your axe, Strong Mad," The Cheat squacked.
There was a rustle in the leaves.
"Strong Bad, nad no ennas!" The Cheat squacked.
"I figured there was something out there! Man cenich!"
"I see... something grey..."
"Do not let him speak, he will put a spell on us," Strong Bad seaid, drawing his sword, "We must be quick."
They all turned to attack, Strong Mad threw his axe. It was thrown to the side, The Cheat quickly looses his bow, which was also knocked to the side. Strong Bad's sword shone orange with heat and he dropped it. They all sheilded their eyes from the bright light that the thing was emitting.
"You are tracking the footsteps of two hobtons," the thing said.
"Yeah, where are they?" asked Strong Bad, "Speak now!"
"They passed this way, day before yesterday. They met someone they did not expect. Does this comfort you?"
"Not especially, who are you? Show yourself!"
The light fade and they couldn't belived their eyes.

For standing in front of them was Strong Sad.
"It... cannot be!"
The Cheat and Strong Mad looked in astonishment.
"But you fell, and, whatchi, and then you, and then when the thing, and the, when you went, and it, and you fell and-
"Through fire, and water. On the lowest dungeon, on the highest peak I fought him, the Balrog of Morgoth," Strong Sad said.
Strong Sad fought the Balrog. Lightning connected with his sword, it illuminated, and he stabbed the Balrog in the chest. It fell down the mountain.
"Until at last I threw down my enemy and smote his ruin upon the mountainside."
He was laying face up on the peak, bleeding from his forehead.
"Darkness took me and I strayed out of thought and time. Every day seemed like one thousand years, but it wasn't the end, unfortiunatly. I felt life in me again. I've been sent back until my task is done, I guess..."
"Strong Sad..."
"Strong Sad? Yes, that is what they used to call me. Strong Sad."
"Strong Sad!" The Cheat squacked.
"I am now... Strong Sad the...grey? I come back to you now at the turn of the tide," he said.
The three and Strong Sad moved through Fangold.
"One stage of our journey is over, another begins. War has come to Rohand, we must ride to Ed-or-as with all speed, if that's okay with you..."
"Hey, dumpface, you're the wizard!"
They emerged from Fangold. Strong Sad whistled, and a white horse was coming up the plain towards them.
"Shadowcopy. He's the lord of all horses, my friend through many dangers," Strong Sad said.
He jumped up on the horse, Strong Bad his own, and The Cheat rode with Strong Mad. They rode quickly through the plains.

"My home...lies deep within the forest," said Treebreath, "near the roots of the mountins. I told Strong Sad I would keep you safe, and safe is where I will keep you. These trees have grown dangerous and wild, anger festers in their hearts. They, if they can, will harm you. There are too few of us now, too few of us Kents left to manage them.

The four rode towards Ed-or-as. As they came upon a hill, they stopped to look at it.
"Ed-or-as, and the Golden Hall. There dewlls Stinkoman, King of Rohand, whose mind is over thrown, for 20X6's hold over him is now very strong, but I say we turn back," said Strong Sad.
"No, loser, we got to go," Strong Bad said as Strong Sad sighed.
"My lord, your son, he’s dead," sad Eyowen, kneeling beside Stinkoman, "My lord? Uncle? Will you not go to him? Will you do nothing?"
"Be careful what you say," said Strong Sad, to Strong Bad, Strong Mad and The Cheat.
Eyowen was in a chamber with Theodred, weeping, when Grima entered the room.
"Oh, he must have died in the night. What a tragedy for the King to lose his only son and heir. I understand his passing is hard to except, especially now that your brother has...deserted you."
He sat on the bed and put his hand on her shoulder. She quickly got up.
"Leave me alone," she said.
"Oh, but you are alone. Who knows what you've spoken to the darkness in the bitter watche of the night, when all your life seems to shrink. The walls of your bower closing in about you. A hutch to trammel some wild thing. So fair and so cold, like a morning of pale spring still cling to winter's chill."
"Your words are poison," she said. She left and went outside, seeing them approach. A flag ripped off a pole, flying in the wind, landing just outside the gate as they went through. They rode through Ed-or-as.
"You'd find more cheer in a graveyard!" squacked The Cheat.
Gaurds came out when they reached the steps.
"I cannot allow you before the King so armed, Strong Sad by order of Grima Slugnose," one said.
They disarmed themself and handed their weapons to the Ed-or-as gaurds.
"Your staff," the gaurd, Hami, said.
"Oh, oh, no. You would not part an old man from his walking stick?"
Hami grimaced, gave a slight nod, then turned to lead them into the hall. Strong Sad winked at Strong Bad, who was impressed.
"My lord, Strong Sad is coming," Grima whispered to Stinkoman.
The doors closed.
"The courtesy of your hall has somewhat lessened of late King Stinkoman," Strong Sad said, actually not depressed and scared.
"He's not welcome," Grima whispered again.
Haltingly, Stinkoman said, "Why should I welcome you, Strong Sad? You're just a crazy person!"
"Ill news is an ill guest," Grima said to Stinkoman.
"Be silent!" Strong Bad was surprised at his confidence, "Keep your forked tongue behind your teeth. I have not passed through fire and death to bandy crude words with a witless worm!"
"His staff! I told you to take the wizards staff," Grima said, backing away. Soldiers came rushing forward, who Strong Bad, Strong Mad and The Cheat took care of. Strong Sad continued forward as if nothing was going on.
"Stinkoman. Too long have you sat in the shadows," he said, "I release you from this spell!"
"Ah ha ha ha! Ah ha ha ha! You have no power, man! You're Strong Sad!"
"I am not Strong Sad, but...Strong Sad the Grey! I draw you 20X6 as poison is drawn from a wound!"
Stinkoman slammed back against the throne, Strong Sad pointed his staff at him. Eyowen tried to run to Stinkoman, but Strong Bad stopped her.
"Wait," he said.
"If I go, Stinkoman dies!" he said.
Strong Sad threw him back again.
"You could not kill me, you will not kill him!"
"Ro-Rohand is mine!" he yelled.
He threw him against the throne again.
"Be gone," Strong Sad.
Stinkoman yelled and lunged at Strong Sad, who hit him with the staff. 20X6 slid across the floor in Organic, hitting the marble.
Stinkoman moaned and slid down in his chair. Strong Bad let Eyowen go and she ran over to him. His skin began to change back, and Eyowne smiled.
"I-I know your face, man! Eyowen! Strong Sad!" he said.
"Breathe the free air again!" Strong Sad said, smiling.
Stinkoman smiled, all shiney again.
"Your hands would remember their old strength better if they grasped your sword," Strong Sad said.
Stinkoman took his sword. Grima tried to slide away, but Strong Mad grabbed him. Stinkoman looked at him.
"Ahhh!" Grima yelled as they threw him out the hall onto the stairs.
"I've only ever served you!" he said.
"Your witchcraft would have had me crawling on all fours, like, like a beast, man!"
"Send me not from your sight!"
Stinkoman was ready for a challenge, not even asking, when Strong Bad stopped him.
"No, let him go. Enough blood has been spilt on his account," he said.
Grima ran off the steps and through Ed-or-as.
"Out of my way!" he yelled.
"Hail Stinkoman King!" Strong Bad yelled.
The Rohirrim bowed to him as Grima rode away.
"Hey, man, where is Theodried? Where is my son?"

Outside the tomb, Stinkoman stood with Ed-or-as.
"Alas that these evil days should be mine, man. The young perish, and the old linger. That I should totally live to see the last days of my house," he said.
"Theodried's death was not of your making," Strong Sad said.
"No man should totally have to bury their child," Stinkoman said.
"He was strong in life," Strong Sad said, turning towards the keep. He saw instead a horse coming over a hill, then a boy fell off.

"They had no warning, they were unarmed," said Eyowen, "Now the wildmen are moving through Rohand, burning as they go."
"Where is mamma?" asked the girl.
"Shh," Eyowen said, laying a blanket over her.
"This is but a taste of the terror 20X6 will unleash," said Strong Sad, feeling even more confident than ever," All the more potent for he is driven mad by fear of Lord Ungurit. Ride out, meet him head on. Draw him away from your women and children. You must fight."
"We have two thousand good men riding north as we speak. The Poopsmith is loyal to you. His men will return and fight for their King," Strong Bad said.
"They will be three hundred leagues from here by now. The Poopsmith totally cannot help us, man. I will not bring further death to my people! I will not risk open war, man," said Stinkoman.
"Open war is upon you, whether you would risk it or not," Strong Bad said.
"When I last looked, Stinkoman, not Strong Bad, was King of Rohand," said Stinkoman.
"Then what is the King's decision?" asked Strong Sad.

"By order of the King, the city must empty! We make for the refuge of Help's Deep! Do not burden yourself with treasures, take only what you need!" yelled the gaurd to the city.
"Help's Deep! They flee to the mountains when they should stand and fight! Who will defend them if not their King?" asked The Cheat.
"He is only doing what he thinks is best for his people. Help's Deep has saved them in the past," Strong Bad said.
"There is no way out of that ravine," Strong Sad said, "Stinkoman is walking into a trap. He thinks he's leading them into safety. What they'll get is a massacre. He has a strong will, but I fear for him. I fear for the survival of Rohand. He will need you before the end, Strong Bad. The people of Rohand will need you. Their defenses have to hold!"
They were standing in the city as people packed their stuff and mounted their horses.
"I will look for more men. With luck my search will not be in vain. Look to my coming at first light on the fifth day. At dawn, look to the east," said Strong Sad.
"Go," Strong Bad said.
He rode off through the stable, Strong Mad and The Cheat moved out of his way.

"Stinkoman will not stay at Ed-or-as," Grima said to 20X6 inside Organic, "He will expect and attack on the city, so they flee to Help's Deep, the great fortress of Rohand. It is a dangerous road to take through the mountains. It'll be slow; they will have women and children with them."
In the pits, 20X6 walked on a bridge over the machines.
"Send out your Warg riders!" he yelled.

The people of Ed-or-as traveled thr trail to Help's Deep. Strong Mad rode with The Cheat, Strong Bad alone, Strong Sad alone, and Stinkoman alone.
Strong Mad and The Cheat's horse reared and Strong Mad slid off.
"I'M RIGHY! NO PANIC!" said Strong Mad.
Eyowen, who was in front of them, turned around to hide her laughter.

At night, Strong Bad lay awake.
"Why do you fear the past? You are Is-il-durs heir, not Is-il-dur himself. You are not bound to his fate," Marzipan asked in his thought.
"The same blood flows through my veins. If he couldn't destroy it, I can't help," he said.
Strong Bad stayed up the rest of the night.

Hami's horse reared.
"What is it? Hami?" asked a soldier.
"I'm not sure," he said.
The Cheat ran up on a boulder to see if he could see anything. A single Warg was on a rock. The rider spured the Warg. It ran out over the plains towards them, more following.
"Wargs!" The Cheat squacked.
"Wargs!" Strong Bad shouted. He ran back to the group.
"Wargs! We're under attack!"
The Rohirim were screaming.
"What? What do you see, man?" asked Stinkoman.
"Warg attack!"

"All riders to the head of the column, man!" yelled Stinkoman.
The Cheat stood at the top of the rock, surveying the Warg riders approaching.
"Lead them to Help's Deep!" said Stinkoman to Eyowen.
"Make for the lower ground!" she yelled already and backed everybody back, "Stay together!"
The Cheat was alone on the hill, taking down Wargs. There were around thirty of them, running down the hill and back up the other. The Cheat shot one, it rolled under another, who dropped his rider, and fell over into another.
He heard galloping behind him. He jumped up, grabbed the reins, and swung himself up to Strong Mad's horse. He sat in front of Strong Mad, his bow ready, and Strong Mad had his swords swung out.
They rode down to meet the Wargs.
They smashed into each other. Many went down instantly, speared, or just bit to death.
The Cheat shot another arrow at an Ungurait; it fell off the Warg, being trampled by others.
Strong Mad fell off the horse, and as soon as The Cheat could look back a Warg was riding to him. Strong Mad got his axe and readied himself. A riderless Warg approached him.
The Warg jumped on him, but fell over harmlessly. The Cheat rode away.
Another Warg jumped to Strong Mad and he swung his axe hard, slicing the Warg in the face.
Strong Bad rode through the field, chopping off heads. Stinkoman flew around in a super-cool pose, punching people. An archer killd a Warg, but then another Warg jumped ontop of him and he was torn in shreds.
"STUPID CREATURE!" Strong Mad yelled as he pushed the Warg off him.
Another Warg showed up on him, but there was a rider. He plunged his sword, but Strong Mad grabbed his head. He snapped in back and it made a crunching sound. The Ungurait died.
A soldier sliced two more Wargs as another one came to Strong Mad, snarling and drooling. Strong Bad saw, rode fast, grabbed a spear sticking in the ground and threw it into the back of the Warg. The point of it stuck out his face. Strong Mad wiped the blood off his face. He pushed all three Wargs off him.
Stinkoman was punching another Ungurait, he did a hard punch and cracked it's neck. A Warg jumped at him, he pulled his sword out and plunged it into the Wargs mouth.
Strong Bad rode up to another Ungurait and battled with it, stabbed it, and as the Ungurait fell another one came and prounced on him, knocking him off his horse. A rider approached him, and as he is about to pass, Strong Bad grabbed onto the Warg's ropes and reins. He bounced across the ground on his back, still holding on. He plunged his sword into the side of the Warg and it snarled, but still kept going. He stepped on his sword, got ontop of the Warg, took out his knife and stabbed the Ungurait's cover, deep into his head. His hand got caught in the ropes, and as the Warg still ran, he tried to losen it. He saw a rock and then nothing ahead, and tried his best to cut the ropes, but he couldn't.
The Warg ran onto the rock, stopped as best as he could, but slid off the side of the rock into the river below.

Chapter Four - Whos-in-gard Unleashed

The Rohirrim were finishing off the last Wargs and Unguraits. Strong Mad took his axe out of a Warg, dripping with blood. Stinkoman and The Cheat looked around to see who were left.
"Strong Bad!"
The Cheat bent down on a rock, inspecting. He heard an Ungurait laugh and he turned towards it. Strong Mad took his axe to it's face.
"Tell me what happened and we will ease your passing," The Cheat squacked.
Though not knowing what The Cheat said, the Ungurait got the idea.
"He's dead, hah! He took a little tumble off the cliff!"
"You lie!" The Cheat squacked.
It didn't say anything, so Strong Mad raised his axe and sliced the Ungurait down the middle. The Cheat ran to the edge of the cliff where Stinkoman already was. Strong Mad joined him. They looked down at the rushing river.
"Get the wounded on horses. The wolves of Whos-in-gard will totally return. Leave the dead, man," Stinkoman said.
The Cheat looked shocked.
"Come on, man," Stinkoman said, depressed.

"Come see!" said a woman, looking at Help's Deep. They had made it.
"There it is!" yelled some children.
They entered, and the group spread out. The little girl and boy ran to their mother.
"Freday! Eaothain!" the woman said as she hugged them.
"Make way for Stinkoman!" the gaurd yelled later on, "Make way for the King!"
Stinkoman got off his horse.
"So few. So few of you have returned," said Eyowen.
"Our people are safe, man. We paid for it with many lives," Stinkoman.
"Strong Bad? Where is he?" she asked.
"He fell," said The Cheat, coming in.
Eyowen looked at Stinkoman in disbelief.
"Pull aaaalllll our forces behind the walls, bar the gate!" yelled Stinkoman.
"What of those who cannot fight? The woman and children?" asked a gaurd.
"Get them into the caves, man," Stinkoman said.
Help's Deep was in a valley of the White mountains. It's long wall, the Deeping Wall, stretched out between the two sides, and on one side, was a type of castle. The middle of the castle, a building, was called the hornburger. There was a causeway that went to the ground, and a creek that went under this and out into the mountains.
"Help's Deep has but one weakness," said Grima, "It's outer wall is solid rock, but for a small culvet at it's base which is little more than a drain."
20X6 poured black crystals into some pot.
"How? How can fire undo stone? What kind of device could bring down the wall?" asked Grima.
"If the wall is breached, Help's Deep will fall, man!" said 20X6.
"Even if it is breached it would take a number beyond reckoning to storm the keep!"
"Tens of thousands," said 20X6
"But there is no such force."

20X6 stood out on a platform, above thousands of Unguraits and Ungur-Hai.
"A new power is rising," 20X6 said to the crowd, "it's victory is at hand, man! This night the land will be totally stained with the blood of Rohand," he paused and looked out over the crowd, who was silent. He thought for a second.
"March to Help's Deep! Leave none alive! TO WAR!" he yelled as the crowd cheered. They turned around and marched out of Whos-in-gard. It was a giant rumble.
20X6 turned back into Organic. Grima looked at him.
"There will be no dawn for the men of Rohand," 20X6 said to him.
Grima looked over the platform at the Unguraits marched to Help's Deep.

"Look! There's smoke to the south!" said Bubs, as they walked through Fangold.
"There is always smoke rising from Who's-in-gard," Treebreath said.
"Who's-in-gord?" asked Coach Z.
"There was a time when Homestar would walk in these woods, but now he has a mind of metal and wheels. He no longer cares for growing things."
Coach Z and Bubs climbed to the top of Treebreath. They saw Unguraits marching.
"Whort is that?" asked Coach Z.
"Oh, dag! It's 20X6's army. The war has started," Bubs said.

Strong Bad floated down the river. His head pushed a bunch of rocks and mud as he washed up on the shore.
"May the grace of the Valar protect you," said Marzipan.
Strong Bad's horse came up to nuzzle him as the water splashed up against him.
"Wh-Breg-wh-wh-wh-What tha- What the heck!?" yelled Strong Bad, sitting up.
"Oh yeah, I fell," he said and fell back over. He groaned and grabbed a handful of the horse's mane. He pulled himself onto the horse and they rode off, Strong Bad barely conscious.
"Why do...the w-white my beef pork?"
The horse neighed and they rode off.

They rode through the plains. They stopped atop a hill, Strong Bad feeling better. He looked out at the massive Ungurait army headed towards Help's Deep. He turned and rode on towards Help's Deep.
"Well done, horse," he said as he looked at the stone wall of Help's Deep from a hill.
He rode down the hill and through the gates. He dismounted.
"He's alive!"
"Where? Where is he? Get out of the way, The Cheat coming though, and I'm gonna kill him! You are the luckiest, most reckless man I ever knew!" The Cheat squacked and ran up towards Strong Bad, "Bless you!"
"Thank-you, The Cheat. Now, where is Stinkoman?"
The Cheat nodded to where the king was.
Strong Bad walked over but was stopped by Strong Mad.
He laughed and patted Strong Mad. Eyowen heard this, and turned around.
"Strong Bad! Ho-How did you survive?" she asked.
"No time now, I've got to talk to the king," he said.
As the king talked to one of the gaurds, the doors of the throne room opened up and Strong Bad walked in. Stinkoman looked at him in amazement.

"A great host you say?" asked Stinkoman.
"All of Whos-in-gard is emtied," Strong Bad said.
"How many?"
"Ten thousand strong at least."
"Ten thousand?"
"It is a freakin' army bread for a single purpose. To destroy the world of men. They'll be here by nightfall."
Stinkoman got up and walked away, leaving Strong Bad.
"Let them totally come. If they want a challenge, they've got a challenge," he said.

He walked in a crowd of people inside the walls.
"I want every man and child able to fight to be ready for battle," he said to a soldier.
"We will cover the causeway and the gate from above. No army has ever breached the deeping wall or set foot inside the Hornburger," Stinkoman said to Strong Bad, Mad and The Cheat.
"This is no rabble of mindless Unguraits, these are Ungur-Hai! Their armor is thick and their sheilds are broad!" The Cheat squacked.
"I have tooootally fought many wars, I know how to defend my own keep, man!"
They went back inside.
"They will break upon here like water on rock. 20X6's hoards will pillage and burn, we've seen it before. Crops can be resown, homes rebuilt. We will outlast them," Stinkoman said.
"They do not come to destroy Rohand's crops or villages!" Strong Bad said," They come to destroy it's people! Down to the last freakin' child!"
"What do you want me to do, man?! Look at my men! Their courage hangs by a wire! If this is our end, then I want a end to remember!"
"Send out riders, you must call for aid!"
"And who will come?!"
"Gondoor will answer!"
"GONDOOR!?! Wheeeeeeeerrre was Gondoor when the westfold fell? Wheeeeeeeeerrre was Gondoor when our enemies closed in around us? Huh, Strong Bad, HUH!?! We are alone!
Stinkoman walked away, up some steps.
"Get the woman and children into the caves," he said to one of the soldiers.
"We need more time to lay provisions for a sie-"
"There is no time. War is tooootallly upon us."
"Secure the gate!"

"The Kents have not troubled about the wars of men and wizards in a long time," Treebreath said, as they reached a clearing, "Ah, but now something is about to happen that hasn't happened for an age. Kentmoot."
"Whort's that?" asked Coach Z.
"It is a gathering, bar-um."
"A gathering of what?" asked Bubs.
Kents started to come out of the trees and into the clearing.
"Beech. Oak. Chestnut. Ash. Good, good, good. Many have come. Now, we must decide if the Kents will go to war."

Soldiers were getting the women and children into the caves.
"Move back, to the caves!" said a soldier.
Soldiers were gathering all those who could fight, young and old. A child was given a sword and shield.
"Fight well," a soldier said to the boy.
Men were given armor and weapons, swords and arrows.
Strong Bad took a sword and looked at it.
"Farmers, stable boys, these aren't soldiers!" he said.
"Look at them, they're frightened, I can see it. They should be. Three hundred against ten thousand!" The Cheat squacked.
"They have more hope defending themselves here than at Ed-or-as," Strong Bad said.
"They cannot win this fight! They are all going to die!"
"Then I shall die as one of them."
"Every villager able to wield a sword has been sent to the armory," a soldier said to the king in the throne room.
"Do you trust your king?" asked Stinkoman.
"Your men will follow you to whatever end," the soldier said, helping Stinkoman put on his armor.
"AUUUGGGHH! I don't need armor!"
The soldier took off the armor.
"To whatever end..." Stinkoman said.

Chapter Five: The Battle of Help's Deep

That night, the soldiers scurried along the walls, getting ready for the coming attack.
Strong Bad sat on a step inside the refuge, and looked over at two boys looking at their swords with fear.
"Give me your sword," he said, and a boy handed it to him, "What is your name?"
"Hallos son of Hami. The men are saying we will not live out the night, that is hopeless," the boy said.
Strong Bad stood up and whipped the sword around, testing it.
"This is a good sword," he said, "and there is always hope. Well, most of the time."
The boys looked at each other.
He walked inside. He went into the armory, and put on his chain mail and his weapons. The Cheat and Strong Mad came in. The Cheat had a special chain mail that fit him, though Strong Mad was having some trouble.
It was spread across his chest, about to rip off.
A horn was heard.
"That is no Ungurait horn," The Cheat squacked.
"Send for the King! Open the gates!" a soldier said.
Archers came up the causeway and Stinkoman met them, but not Ungurait archers.
"Haoowwww is this possible?"
"I bring word from Elrod of Creekindale," said the man in front, "An alliance once existed between us. Long ago we fought and died together. We come to honor that allegiance."
Strong Bad, The Cheat and Strong Mad came out of the armory.
"Haldiar!" Strong Bad said, "You are most welcome.
"We are pround to fight along men once more," Haldiar said.

Everybody waited for the army to arrive; all positioned along the wall. The Ungurait army could be heard and seen from a distance, small lights here and there in the crowd.
"Ugh. You could have picked a better spot," The Cheat said to Strong Mad, "Well, whatever luck you live by... let us hope it lasts the night," he said to Strong Bad.
Lightning stiked. Strong Bad, The Cheat and Strong Mad stood beside each other.
"Your friends are with you, The Cheat," Strong Bad said to him.
The Cheat sighed and looked up.
"Lets hope they last the night," he said.
Strong Bad left and went to his post. It began to rain as the Ungurait continued marching.
"Show them no mercy for you shall receive none!" Strong Bad said to the soldiers.
The Ungurait captain yelled out and the Unguraits came to a halt. The woman and children held on tight to each other in the caves.
The Cheat hopped up to see what was going on.
"What's happening out there?" he squacked.
"Shall I describe it to you, or should I find you a box?" asked a soldier, chuckling.

Stinkoman looked out over the thousands of Unguraits. Their white bandage-type cloth covered their faces where only their small red eyes were showing. A long, green, cloth they were wearing.
All was silent except for the rain, falling on shields and armor, making a clanging sound. Nobody spoke.
"ARE YOU ASKING FOR A CHALLENNNNNNGGGGEEE?!?!?" yelled Stinkoman at the top of his lungs.
The Ungurait captain yelled out and the Unguraits began to bang their spears against the ground in unison.
Strong Bad drew his sword. The beat became faster. The archers of Help's Deep drew their bows, and the sound of stretching was heard inside the caves.
But then, whiz , an archer accidentally lost his grip. The arrow whized into an Ungurait's neck. The beating stopped.
"HOLD!" yelled Strong Bad.
"EU-UGH," the Ungurait grunted as he fell to the ground. The Unguraits watched him fall.
"AAAUUUUGGGGGGGGHHHHH!" they yelled in outrage. They charged, with their spears high, torches burning.
"It begins," Stinkoman simply said.

"Prepare to fire!" Strong Bad said to the Haldiar's army. They drew their bows.
"Their armor is weak at the neck and beneath the arm," The Cheat squacked.
"Release ARROWS!" Strong Bad shouted.
A row of arrows wizzed over the Deeping Wall. A row of Unguraits fell to the ground.
"Did they hit anything?" asked The Cheat.
"Give them a vollllleyyyyyy!" Stinkoman said, jumping into the air.
The Deeping Wall's archers let their arrows go. Another row of Ungurait's fell.
"Hurl to flow!" Strong Bad said to Haldiar's army, who were on the ground behind the Deeping Wall.
Whizwhizwhizwhizwhiz , all of the army behind the wall loosened their arrows and they all flew off. More Unguraits fell, but more continued on towards the wall.
"SEND THEM TO ME!" Strong Mad yelled.
Unguraits with crossbows shot back up at the archers, hitting everybody. One went right over The Cheat and hit the man behind him, who tumbled over The Cheat and into the crowd of Unguraits below.
Then Ungurait's came forward with ladders.
"LADDERS!" Strong Bad yelled.
"Good, bring em' to me!" The Cheat squacked.
All across the Deeping Wall, ladders were being raised with Unguraits atop them, swords swinging, ready to prounce upon them.
"Swords! Swords!" yelled Strong Bad.
Everybody drew their swords.
Then the ladders hit the walls and the Unguraits sprang into the soldiers.
Screams, clanging and crunching were all heard as the soldiers fought the Unguraits who were climbing up the ladders.
One came flying towards Strong Mad, who slashed him across the belly with his axe.
Strong Bad was fighting left and right, The Cheat was killing the people who came off the ladder that was dirrectly in front of him.
Haldiar was fighting many, slitting throughts, stabbing in the face, anything to instantly kill them. Soldiers were falling off, arrows were still flying, and it was a totall mess.
"THE CHEAT! TWO!" said Strong Mad.
"Two? Eh, I'm on seventeen!" The Cheat squacked.
"AHHH!" Strong Mad yelled, running over to the ladder, slicing an Ungurait in half.
"THREE!" he yelled as The Cheat let off arrow after arrow.
Strong Mad continued to hack away on Ungurait after Ungurait. The Cheat still shot more Unguraits, causing them to fall back over the wall.
Strong Bad ran towards Strong Mad and stabbed an Ungurait who was about to stab Strong Mad.
Strong Bad ran to a ladder and kicked it over. It fell into the crowd below, but the Unguraits continued to raise the ladders onto the wall.

Treebreath walked towards Coach Z and Bubs, who were sitting away from the trees, who just had a council.
"We have just agreed," Treebreath said and paused.
"Yes?" asked Bubs.
"I have told your names to... the Kentmoot and we have agreed you are not Unguraits.
The other Kents nodded.
"Well that's good news," Bubs said.
"What aborut 20X6?"
"Now, don't be hasty."
"Hasty? HASTY?!? You just spent two hours making sure we aren't Unguraits!" Bubs yelled, standing up.
Treebreath looked at him.
"Our friends are out there. They need our help! They cannot fight this war on their own!"
"War... it affects all. You must understand, it takes a long time to say anything in Kentish, and we never say anything unless it is worth taking a long time to say."
Coach Z and Bubs looked at him in an odd way.

Chapter Six - The Breaching of the Deeping Wall

Strong Mad hacked away at the Unguraits coming up the ladders.
"Causeway!" Strong Bad yelled, noticing that Unguraits with shields on top of them and in front of them, protecting them from arrows. Their sides were left open, so Strong Bad directed the archers to shoot at their sides. Some fell into the stream, but the rest continue.
"Is this it? IS THIS ALL YOU CAN DO, 20X6?!?!" yelled Stinkoman.
Strong Bad, Strong Mad and The Cheat both fought beside each other. Strong Bad went and kicked a ladder down just as an Ungurait was jumping. It grabbed onto the wall. Strong Bad stabbed his hands until he let go. He fell into the crowd below. Everybody was bloody, but the war still went on.
Whizwhizwhizwhizwhiz! , more arrows came from the crowd of Unguraits still on the ground.
"There is no way we can beat these guys!" squacked The Cheat.
Strong Bad grabbed an Ungurait and stabbed him in the face.
"Probably not," Strong Bad said back.
The crowd on the ground was now only half as large as it was. More and more people fell from the wall.
Then an Ungurait carrying a large, round casket, ran towards the base of the wall. The casket had large spikes around it to hold onto. A man from the wall fell on top of one spike, but they didn't bother ripping him off. They placed the casket in the drain, when two more Unguraits came with another one. They both held onto the spikes. They placed it onto the first one, stabbing the man again.
But then Strong Bad noticed a fire-cracker-type torch, heading towards the drain.
"Bring him down, The Cheat!"
The Cheat shot, hitting the Ungurait in the shoulder. It continued running, though not running well.
"Kill him! Kill him!"
The Cheat shot again, hitting him in the other shoulder. He continued on, then jumped into the drain.

The caskets ignited. Then, out of nowhere-
Ka-BOAOM! The wall exploded. Men, debris and anything else went flying out into the Unguraits. Huge chuncks from the wall landed in the crowd of Unguraits.
Strong Bad fell to the ground, as the shaking was felt all the way in the caves with the woman and children.
Strong Mad fell as well, showered by rocks. Strong Bad lay unconscious as the Unguraits rushed into Help's Deep.

The Unguraits still continued up the causeway, almost to the door. They still fell, buth the others still went on.
Arrows were wizzing all over the place. The Unguraits on the causeway dropped thier shields and came through with a battering ram.
Stinkoman looked between the Deeping Wall and the causeway.
"Brace the gate!" he yelled.
Men ran to the gate inside to brace it. The Unguraits ran towards the gate with the ram. They hit it, and the men were pushed back, but they ran right back up to it.
Men threw rocks and spears at the Unguraits, who were still hitting the gate.
"Hold them!" Stinkoman yelled again.
The Unguraits rushed through the gap in the wall. Strong Bad wakes, along with Strong Mad.
"STRONG BA!" he yelled and jumped down off the wall onto the group of Unguraits.
"Strong Mad!" Strong Bad yelled.
Strong Mad fought many of the Unguraits in the water. He got thrown down, and fell into the murky pool.
Strong Mad and Strong Bad ran back to Haldiar's army.
"Hurl the arrows!"
They loosed their arrows into the Unguraits.
Haldiar's army, with their swords drawn, charge with Strong Bad and Mad towards the Unguraits. They clashed. Strong Bad knocked an Ungurait's weapon aside and slashed the Ungurait across the neck. Someone accidentally fell onto a spear as Strong Bad slashed another.
The Cheat, atop the wall, threw a shield down on the ground, then ran after it hopping on it and sliding down the stairs.
He shot on his way down.
"Thirty-Seven, Thirty-Eight, Thirty-Nine..."
He jumped off the shield at the last second and it flew into an Ungurait's chest.
"...and Fourty," he squacked in satisfaction.
He drew an arrow as an Ungurait approached him, and he threw it in his chest.
They were on the edge of death, but they still fought on.

"The Kents cannot fight this battle," Treebreath said to Coach Z and Bubs.
"How can that be your decisorn?" asked Coach Z, amazed.
"This is...not our war."
"But your port of this world!" Coach Z said, looking at the Kents, "aren't you? You must help! Something!"
"You are brave, but your part in this tale is over. Go back to your home. It's over."
Treebreath left them to get ready.
"Man, maybe he's right. We dorn't belong here. Maybe we should just go home," Bubs said.
"The fores of Whos-in-gard will spread. All that was once great and good in this world will be gone if we don't do something now, dorn't you see!?!" Coach Z looked at Bubs and paused, "There worn't be a home."

The Unguraits still cascaded through the wall. The Cheat drew his sword and cut an Ungurait's legs in half.
"Strong Bad," yelled Stinkoman from above, "fall back to the keep! Get your men out of there, man!"
"Haldiar! To the keep! To the keep!" yelled Strong Bad.
He turned and sliced an Ungurait through the belly. He yelled to all the people, and Haldair nodded and called the men to the keep.
Haldiar attacked an Ungurait from behind him, and as he killed that Ungurait, another one struck him on his left side. He looked at his half arm, gushing with blood.
Then he felt a sharp pain in his back and fell to the ground.
"Haldiar!" yelled Strong Bad, running up the steps.
Haldiar died as soon as Strong Bad got to him.

Strong Bad ran towards a ladder and pushed it over.
The Unguraits hit the gate again with the battering ram and broke through it. Men fell backwards, many with splinters of wood sticking through their heads.
The Unguraits shot the others through the hole in the gate with a crossbow. The ones standing returned fire. Stinkoman got ready to fight.
"Brace the gate!"
"To the gate! Draw your swords, man!" he said.
The soldiers drew their swords and followd Stinkoman. Strong Bad climbed the stairs to the keep, fighting off different Unguraits.
The Unguraits contined to spill through the gap in the wall, as archers on the Keep's walls fired at them.
Stinkoman reached the gate and fought off the Unguraits. They blasted through the doors and engaged with the Rohirrim.
Then a spear suddenly emerged from Stinkoman's underarm. He speared the Ungurait behind him and dislodged the spear from himself. A soldier took Stinkoman away from the scene and laid him down to rest as more soldiers came in to fight.
"We can't hold them much longer," the soldier said.
Men at the gate continued to try and keep the Unguraits from coming through. Strong Bad appeared, put a hand on Stinkoman's shoulder, and gave him a reassuring look. Then he went to fight to keep them out.
"Hold them!" Stinkoman shouted.
"How long do you need?" asked Strong Bad, finishing off an Ungurait.
Stinkoman stood up.
"As long as you can give me."
Strong Bad grabbed Strong Mad's arm, who had appeared with The Cheat.
He pushed Strong Mad away from the fight into a doorway.
"Brace the gate!"
Strong Bad and Strong Mad appeared out of a door on the other side of the keep. They could see the Unguraits trying to get through. There were no stairs to get down there, they would have to jump or go around.
Strong Bad looked at the distance.
"It's a freakin' long way," he said.
Strong Mad thought, but that did no good.
"Toss me."
"I cannot jump the distance, now toss me!"
Strong Mad shrugged.
He grabbed Strong Bad and tossed him over to the causeway, then leaped himself. Strong Mad landed and many Unguraits fell off without a fight. They drew their swords and fought beside each other.
The Unguraits were loading up a large crossbow with a grappling hook.
Stinkoman directed barricading the door as the Ungurait fired the bow. It hooked on the ledge. They shot another one, hooking that one onto the wall.
Some on the wall were pulling on the ropes attached to the hooks as others climbed onto the ladders that were being raised by the ropes. The larger ladders hit the wall and piles of Unguraits spilled off them.
The Cheat drew his bow and shot, splitting one of the ropes. The ladder fell back into the Unguraits below and they screamed.
The men continued to reinforce the door. Strong Bad and Strong Mad continued to fight off the causeway.
"Strong Mad! Strong Bad, get out of there!" Stinkoman shouted. Strong Bad was grabbed from behind.
"Strong Bad!" The Cheat yelled.
He threw a rope down to them as Strong Bad elbowd the Uungur-Hai. He grabbed the rope as Strong Mad jumped away from the Unguraits and grabbed the rope, too.
The Cheat tried to pull them up, but couldn't. The Unguraits were shooting arrows at them.
"Hurry!" yelled Strong Bad as all of a sudden they went up fast.
Stinkoman was pulling them up. They got to the top and climbed over.
"Come on!"
The Unguraits shot another grappling hook, piercing a man.
"Pull everybody back! Pull them back!" yelled Stinkoman.
"Fall back! Fall back!"
The Unguraits broke through the gate again and rushed into the Keep.
"They have broken through! Retreat! Retreat!"
The Cheat shot oncoming Unguraits.
"Hurry! Inside! Get them inside!" yelled Strong Bad.
"To the keep!"

Coach Z and Bubs rode atop Treebreath once more.
"I will leave you at the west boarder of the Forest. You can make your way north to your homeland from there," he said.
"Wait! Storp! Turn around, take us south!" said Coach Z.
"South? That would lead you past Whos-ing-gard!" Treebreath said.
"Yes, exortly! If we go south we can slip porst 20X6 unnorticed. It's the lorst thing he'll expect!"
"That doesn't make sense to me. Perhaps you're right, though. South it is. Hold on, I always like going south, somehow it makes me feel like going down hill," Treebreath said.
"Oh, dag, are you mad? We'll be caught!"
"No we won't. Nort this time," said Coach Z.

Chapter Seven - The Last march of the Kents

A flag with the white hand of 20X6 was raised from the keep.
Men were still inside barricading te door.
"It is over," Stinkoman said.
"You said this fortress would never fall while your men defended it!" Strong Bad yelled, running towards the door.
"Is there no other way for the omen and children to get out of the caves?" asked The Cheat.
"There is one passage that leads into the mountains, but they won't get far," a soldier said.
"Send word for the women and children to make for the mountain pass and barricade the entrance!" Strong Bad said.
There was silence.
"Ride out with me. Ride out and meet them," Strong Bad said.
"For death and glory," the soldier said.
"For Rohand," Strong Bad said.
"The sun is rising," The Cheat said. Light was shining through the holes.
The Unguraits continued to knock against the door to the room they were in.
"Loook to my coming at first light on the fifth day. At dawn, look to the east."
Strong Mad ran towards the door to help gaurd it. It was about to break.
"We will draw swords together, man!"
Stinkoman put on his armor as the Ungurait completely knocked down the door.
They jumped on their horses and rode forward through the Unguraits, slashing them as they went. They rode out the door and into the sunlight. Night had passed. They rode down the causeway, knocking the Unguraits off. When they got to the crowd of Unguraits, they stayed on their horses and slashed and stabbed. Strong Bad looked up at the top of the hill, and saw a white horse, rearing up.
"Strong Sad," he whispered.
Everyone on the battlefield looked up at Strong Sad.
"The King stands alone," Strong Sad said.
"Not alone," The Poopsmith's sign said, and he drew his shovel, "Rohirrim!"
"The Poopsmith!" Stinkoman said.
"To the King!" the sign said, facing the crowd behind him.
"TO The King!" yelled the Rohirrim.
The Rohirrim and Strong Sad charged down the hill. The Unguraits formed a line in front of them, putting their spears in front of them and kneeling on their knees.
The Rohirrim still charged, the Unguraits still kept form.

They collided. Strong Sad reared his horse and jabbed someone with his staff, as The Poopsmith
swung wide with his shovel.
"Line! Get in a line!" yelled Strong Bad. The Help’s Deep survivors lined up.
"Charge!" yelled Strong Bad. Help’s Deep stormed into the other side of the Unguraits and blocked them in. The Battle for Help’s Deep was won.

"Lord Ungurait will strike fast," said Strong Bad, as he, Strong Bad, Strong Mad, The Cheat,
The Poopsmith and Stinkoman rode up atop a hill, "but he is starting to fear. But this is just one of the many tasks, our hope lies now with two normal people. Let us hope they fullfil their task."

Chapter Eight - The Palantir

They rode towards Whos-in-gard and came upon Coach Z and Bubs.
"I feel like I’m back at the Green Dragon!" said Bubs.
They both laughed. They then saw the riders.
"Oh! Ahem, welcome, my friends, to Whos-in-gard!" Bubs said.
The riders looked upon the pool.
"Wh-where did you get that Longtop leaf?" asked The Cheat, noticing them smoking.
"Why, we roided the storeroorm of course!" Coach Z said.
"The pork is particularly good," Bubs said.
"Salted pork?" asked The Cheat, jumping from his horse into the water. Though it came up to his
eyes, he walked over to the rock and hopped on.
"We’re under orders. We’re supposed to sit here and greet anyone who comes into
Whos-in-gard," Bubs said.
"By who?" asked Strong Bad.
"Why, Treebroth!" Coach Z said, as Treebreath came up behind them.
"I'm glad you've come. There is someone to manage here, look to his tower," he said.
"There he must remain, under your gaurd, if that's okay with you." Strong Sad said.
"Let's just have his head and be done with it!" The Cheat said and stuck his pipe back in his
"No, he has no more power," Strong Bad said.
"The trees will come back to live here, once the filth of him washes away," Treebreath said.
Coach Z noticed something odd in the water, an orange glow it was. He waded in and picked it up.
"Coach! Can I please have that?"
"Well sure there, Strorng Sad!"
He handed the palantir to Strong Sad, who quickly put it in his package.
"Now, we must travel to Ed-or-as," Strong Sad said.

Thus ends the first part of The Two Evil Tall Things.
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