This is a selection of E-mails that Strong Bad would answer in The Cheat's fashion. (bad graphics, wrong voices, etc.) This would not be the same as a regular Strong Bad E-mail for many reasons. Post me a few E-mails and you'll see.
(Sample E-mail)

Strong Bad: Doot doot doo! Check E-mail! Doot Doot Doo! Check E-Mai..

Dear Strong Bad,
How do you type with boxing gloves on?

Strong Bad: Oh no, another E-mail about my boxing gloves! I must delete this! Oh no! I can't find the deleted button! Somebody help me out here!
{The Cheat runs in and jumps onto the keyboard. The screen flashes with the word "DELETE'D!" (sic)}
Strong Bad: Great job, The Cheat! Have a trophee! {gives The Cheat a trophy.}
{Coach Z appears out of nowhere}
Coach Z: The Chort, I just came by to thank you for being so cool!
Strong Bad: The Cheat Delete'd'd an E-mail for me!
Coach Z: Great jorb, The Chort! Have a trophee! {Gives The Cheat a trophy}
Strong Bad: Wow, you got another trophee, The Cheat. (pause). Great job, The Cheat! Have another trophee! {Gives The Cheat another trophy.}
Strong Bad: (turns to look at the screen), so until next time, keep sending me E-mails, and I will answer the E-mails!
Strong Bad: Whoa! Uh! E-mail! Uh! Uh!

Dear Strong Bad,
What happened to The Cheat's cool new boots?

Strong Bad: Well, nameless, The Cheat's new boots are so cool, thanks for asking! In relation to your second question, Jeremy, I am afraid that I do not know the where-about/location of the booooooots. I must call up the great and powerful The Cheat! {calling} Oh, The Cheat! Come here, I need yooooouuuuuuuu.
{The Cheat appears and utters some The Cheat noises}
Strong Bad: The Cheat, what happened to your cool boots, I would like to know what happened to your cool boots.
The Cheat: {The Cheat speak}
Strong Bad: You tied a string between them and made them into a cool ninja weapon? Cooooool! That's so cool, The Cheat! Have a trophee!!! {gives The Cheat a trophie}
{Homestar materialises out of nowhere}
Homestar: That's so cool I also think, The Cheat! I'd give you a trophee, but I don't have a trophee, because I suck, and because I suck, I don't have a trophee.
{The Cheat gets out the boots and throws them at Homestar, who is hurtled back out the room}
{Cut to outside, where Homestar is flying backwards}
Homestar: OK, I am flying backwards into infin-infinity.
Strong Sad: {depressed monotone} I am also flying. That makes me sad....
{back to computer room}
Strong Bad: High five, The Cheat! {Raises hand to out of sight to do a seriously high five. Resumes typing with the other hand}
Strong Bad: So there, you have it. The Cheat's cool boots are being put into using Homestar (Writes "dumbface") as a thing that is flying forever and ever. Thank you for asking me, Susanna! {stops typing} OK, so, keep sending me E-mail, and I will show you how cool The Cheat's new boots are.
{paper comes down}

Strong Bad: I like E-mail more than I like a hip hop dance!

Dear Strong Bad,
Do you play any videogames?
-Someguy

Strong Bad: Someguy. That is a weird name. I will call you Vince instead, because I call people by different names all the time. Well Vince, I like video games that star The Cheat. You must surely have heard of "The Cheat pours hot soup into Homestar's eyes!" and "The Cheat does a hip hop dance!". I always play those games with The Cheat, but The Cheat always wins those very same games. Almost as if The Cheat cheats. But no, The Cheat is so cool that he always wins. I remember this one time when he won a video game tournament playing video games!
{flashback to a room with a DDR-type machine}
Coach Z: Wow, The Chort, you managed to beat "do a hip-hop dance on Homestar's face video game" in a recerrd time. Great Ja-e-orb, The Chort! Have a trophee!!
{Gives The Cheat a trophy. Back to the computer room...}
Strong Bad: Well, Vinnie, that was how The Cheat won at a whole range of cool video games. Thanks for asking me how cool The Cheat is at video games. Right now, The Cheat and me, Strong Bad, are waiting for the new game "prove that no-one likes Nebulon's style and everyone loves The Cheat especially Marzipan video game". It will be so cool! OK, so until next time, ask cool questions like Vin here, and I will answer you cool answers.
{paper comes down.}
Dear Strongbad,
Why does the Cheat suck so bad?
-crap face
Strong Bad: What are you saying? The Cheat is no fool?
(the cheat walks in)
Strong Bad: The Cheat! This guy doesn't like your style!
The Cheat: [Cheat Sound]
Strong Bad: Your right the Cheat, he probably is jealous of your style and quite homeless.
(Marzipan's head appears from side of screen)
Marzipan: The Cheat, I love you have a trophy made of candy!
(Homestar's head appears from side of screen)
Homestar: Oh no, I've been beaten out by The wonderful The Cheat, have a trophy!
(Homestar opens his mouth and a trophy pops out)
(A Heart appears between the Cheat and Marzipan)
Strong Bad: Man, I wish I was the the the The Cheat, I don't know why I'm so poor.
(paper comes down)
Strong Bad: E-mail is good for you! Like hot soup!

Dear The Cheat,
Stop hacking into my Email account! And get that stupid bag off your head!
-Strong Bad

Strong Bad: The Cheat? No, I am Strong Bad. The Cheat is the greatest guy in the world. I think you are confusing us. And it's sent by Strong Bad? That can't be right. {long pause} Well I guess I will send this away to be deleted. DELETED! {Screen flashes with "DELETE'D".} Now I can relax, as one E-mail that was clearly not sent by Strong Bad has been deleted. Ok, so until next time, keep...
{Switch to outside the "real" computer, where The Cheat is sitting and typing with a paper bag on his head. The "real" Strong Bad enters.}
Strong Bad: Hey, bagman. Have you seen The Cheat? He's screwing up all my E-mails by doing them himself. I sent him an E-mail about it but..waitaminute. Why are you at my computer?
The Cheat: {Cheat noises}
Strong Bad: Hey, that isn't what bagman sounds like! You aren't bagman at all! You're screwing up my E-mail again, aren't you?
The Cheat: {Cheat noises}
Strong Bad: OK, OK. I'll give you sometime to explain.
The Cheat: {Pauses for a second, then runs off}
Strong Bad: HEY! Get the crap back here!
{The paper comes down.}
Strong Bad: E-mail me at my E-mail address for a reply in E-mail form. E-mail, E-mail....

Dear Strong Bad,
I love you. You are so awesome, but how much money do you have with you?
-Seto Kaibu {Wow, that is one cool name!}

Strong Bad: Wow. Thank you, Seto. I am awesome, am I not? As for how much money I have, I can say that I do not know. I think that I would have to ask The Cheat how much money I have, because The Cheat always steals me money because The Cheat is totally awesome. Like me. {calling} Oh, The Cheat? Where are you, The Cheat?
{The Cheat morphs into frame}
Strong Bad: The Cheat, I need to know how much money I have so I can answer an E-mail from the E-mail sender with the really cool name.
The Cheat: {The Cheat noises.}
Strong Bad: Wow, so I have..."a lot of money"! Coooooooool, The Cheat! Have a trophee...filled with barbecue fried chicken wings! {Gives The Cheat a trophy.}
Strong Bad: {Typing} Well, cool name, I can tell you that I have.."a lot of money" as opposed to Homestar {Types "dumpface"} who has..."Not very much" or the Coach Z, who has..."Very little". Say, I am wondering how much money The Cheat has. {calling} The Cheat? How much money do you have?
The Cheat: {Cheat noises, then hands Strong Bad a note}
Strong Bad: Lets see, add this..carry the seven...take away the number I first thought of... What? Oh no. The Cheat has..."an awful lot of money"! That's more than me! Oh well. I guess The Cheat has more money because he is so cool. Well, there you go, Seto Kaibu. I am rich, but The Cheat is richer than me. I guess he doesn't spend all his money on Trophees for The Cheat. OK, so until next time, keep away from hot soup in the eyes, everyone!
Strong Bad: Uh, Uh, I am doing a hip-hop dance onto this E-mail!

Dear Strongbadd,
Have you ever gone on a diet?
-Health Contgess {"Countess", I think you mean "Health COUNTESS".}

Strong Bad: A diet? Why would I need to go on a diet, Health Countess? I am buff and strong! But I do have a personal trainer to help me with keeping in shape. I shall tell you what. If you are convinced that The Cheat is awesome in training me, I shall reccomend it for everyone in Healthsylvania! That will make you popular with your people there! {Calling} The Cheat, I need you!.
{The Cheat materialises into frame.}
The Cheat: {Cheat noises.}
Strong Bad: No, The Cheat. I do not need a cool music video this time. I need you to show the Health Countess how I am slim and trim and stuff.
The Cheat: {Cheat noises.}
Strong Bad: OK, first, you do cartwheels for a mile! Ready-set-and-go-now!
{cartwheels away. A notice fills the screen saying "One mile later"}
Strong Bad: {Cartwheels back into the computer room}. Now I shall do a hip-hop dance! {bounces from one foot to the next, in tune to a makeshift hip-hop beat.}
Coach Z: {Suddenly appears from the bottom of the screen.} Wow, That's a perrty great hip-hop dance, Strong Bad! How did you-what's your secret?
Strong Bad: The Cheat has helped me again!
Coach Z: Great jeeeeeeaaaaooooorrrrrrb...The Chort! Have a trophee! {Gives the Cheat a trophy.}
Strong Bad: Now I have a special health snack! A CHEAT CAKE! {a Cheat Cake appears in his hand with a "ding!"}
Strong Bad: Thanks for keeping me coool and healthy, The Cheat! Have three trophees! {Gives The Cheat three trophies. Back to the computer...} So thank you for asking me how cool The Cheat is in keeping me healthy, Health Countess! You can tell all of your Health vampires that Cheat cakes and cartwheel exercises are so cool! Ok, so until next time, keep fit by cartwheeling, hip-hopping, and sending me your E-mail!
{Paper comes down}
Strong Bad: I am checking my E-mail baby! Doot Doot Doo!

My doctor says I'm fine. I don't buy it and need you to examine me
-924

Strong Bad: What? A number for a name, and no "Dear Strong Bad"! This could be address-ed to anybody. I do not like the look of this E-mail, therefore I need to be asking The Cheat for assisstance! Oh the Cheat! Come here quick! {The Cheat turns up} The Cheat, 911 wants somebody to examine it. Help me out here!
The Cheat: {Cheat noises. Then prints out a copy of the E-mail and runs off.}
Strong Bad: Well, 1138, I think you are about to be examined by The Cheat's examining E-mail function! It takes out the DNA {Types "NBA"} and tells you what is wrong with you! I wonder where The Cheat is now. Oh, The Cheat! Where are you? {The Cheat materialises, and hands Strong Bad a paper.}
Strong Bad: Whoa, The Cheat, you scared me like that! What have you got here? Oh, that is bad. {Types} Well, 668, it seems that you are eating too many grumble-cakes, and because of that, you have contrac...conceiv...been given Buttmegosis. That is a rare disease where your butt becomes stupid and it grows really big. Your doctor is a fooooooool to say that you are fine. All you have to do to stop the Buttmegosis is to eat lots of Cheat Cakes! Buy them from The Cheat and he will save you from your butt exploding, leaving you without a butt! Remember that only liars and thieves eat Grumble-cakes! I hate Grumble-cakes! That is why I always eat Cheat Cakes. {Stops typing and turns to The Cheat} Thanks for doing that coooool analysis, The Cheat! Have a trophee! {Hands the Cheat a trophy} And thanks for keeping me away from Buttmegosis, The Cheat! Have another trophee! {Hands The Cheat another trophy} And thank you for being cooler than Kevin Grumbles and his stupid Grumble-cakes. Have a third trophee! {Hands The Cheat a third.} OK, so until next time, keep sending me cool E-mails, and I will answer them! Good luck with the Buttmegosis, TK421!

Strong Bad: The only thing better than E-mails are picnic baskets with wine and baguettes!

Dear Strong Bad,
My cat is throwing up all over the place. What do you think I should do[to it]?
-KittyLuver?683

Strong Bad: Kittyluver? You shouldn't love Kitties, you should always love The Cheat! That is why I will be calling you "Cheatlover" from now on. Well, Cheatlover, I think that you should clearly get rid of your cat, and buy a The Cheat instead! Let me go through the various phases of how a The Cheat is better than a cat!

{Cut to a screen showing a cat, and a The Cheat}
Strong Bad: {Narrating} Now, a cat may throw up all over the place, but a The Cheat will never do that, and can even make up-chuck bombs from the up-chuck! {The cat throws up. The Cheat sweeps up the Up-chuck with a dustpan, and puts it in a water balloon. A scoreboard comes up saying "Cat 0, The Cheat 1."}
You must also know that The Cheats can do things that cats can never do, such as steal stuff... {The Cheat points behind the cat, the cat looks at the direction, and the Cheat takes a wallet from the cat} ...make stuff... {The Cheat then takes the money out of the wallet, then Oragami-folds the wallet into a swan, and throws it at the cat.} ... and blow stuff up! {The Cheat takes out some Pop Rocks, and eats them all. Suddenly, the cat's head blows up in a similar fashion to when The Cheat's head blows up. The Scoreboard now reads "Cat 0, The Cheat 4}
Strong Bad: {Typing} Plus, you need to give The Cheats credit based on they are way much cuter than any cat can be! {A scoreboard appears on the screen that says "Cats Loser, The Cheat Winner!"} So there you have it, Cheatlover, if you buy a The Cheat, you can be so cool! As cool as The Cheat is! Although no-one can ever be cooler! Oh, and remember to buy lots of trophees for The Cheat, because that will make you cooler as well. And conveniently make The Cheat cooler too.
OK, so until next time, keep in mind that The Cheat is cool. Now, I'm going to watch a musical by a sir Lloyd Webster, called "The Cheats!" See you when I get back! {Get up noise, and the paper comes down}
Strong Bad: E-mail Is better than Nebulon. No-one likes his style.

Dear Strong Bad,
What does The Cheat do with all his trophies?
Queen Of Town

Strong Bad: Whoa, Queen of Town! We all thought you were dead! Perhaps you are dead, but want to rise for the day to ask The Cheat a question because The Cheat is so cooooool!
Anyway, Queenie, The Cheat is very proud of his large collection of Trophees, and keeps them in a very large Trophee vault. Follow me, and you will see! {Gets up, and cartwheels offscreen.}
{The setting changes to an unfeasibly large row of shelves filled with trophies.}
Strong Bad: {cartwheels in} If you will look at this, Miss Queen, you will see a wide variety of trophees that The Cheat has won because he is so awesome! And there are many trophees here, so that must mean he is awesome.....er. This Trophee is when he tried to grow a cool goatee, and this one was for when he was breathing so cool! This trophee is when I realised that the shape of The Cheat is very cool, and these ones are copyright trophees for the every popular Cheat Commandos series. So Your Highness, there we have the vault of the Cheat. I hope this encourages you to do well in your ruling of the town in the hereafter. RIP, QoT?! {Paper comes down.}
Strong Bad: Woo-hoo-hoo E-mail!

Dear The Cheat's Strong Bad,
The Cheat has been manipulating you. You must stand up to it. The Cheat is not as great as you think. He just makes you and everyone else think he is great.
From God Almighty

Strong Bad: What the crap is this? This is not true. The Cheat is so great, he is greater than everything in the whole wide world. He deserves a trophee as a recompensation for this insult to...
{cut to outside The Cheat's computer. Strong Bad walks along to it.}
Strong Bad: Hey, The Cheat. Did you ever get around to finding my throne, or like, my motorcycle, or like, a motorcycle with a throne where the saddle..thing..should be?
The Cheat: {Cheat noises.}
Strong Bad: You're busy? What could you possibly..HEY! That looks just like me answering my E-mails! The Cheat, you know I don't let you answer E-mails except on Cheat Day! And what's it about? {reads} yadda yadda, "Cheat is not so great", blah blah, "just makes everyone else think he is great"? Uhh.. The Cheat? How long have you been answering E-mails meant for me?
The Cheat: {Pauses, then frantic Cheat noises.}
Strong Bad: What? Strong Sad's taking an afternoon nap, and wouldn't notice if I tattoo-ed "dumpface" on his forehead? Hmm. That gives me an idea... The Cheat, I'll be right back, DON'T ANSWER ANY MORE E-MAILS!
The Cheat: {Sigh of relief.}
{back to the computer.}
Strong Bad: So in conclusion, Jeffery, The Cheat rules, and be glad that I'm not telling The Cheat about your disrespectful E-mail, otherwise he will beat the everloving snot out of you. Now I have to go and give The Cheat a trophee or ten. {Gets up, and the paper comes down.}

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