HUGE MOUTH MAN: INSTALL COMPUTER'd
Emails
  1. hurting
  2. jobs
  3. dream job
  4. pet
  5. hacker-talk
  6. 404'd
  7. animated
HUGE MOUTH MAN: CHECKED E-MAIL'd

Dear Huge Mouth Man,
Why do you hurt the TGS people so much?
JestersOfTheMoon HMM: What kind of name is that? Are you some kind of clown or something?

HUGE MOUTH MAN: I hurt them because I get paid for it. Apparently some man wearing a wrestling mask and boxing gloves really hates those girls.
HUGE MOUTH MAN: OPEN'd

Dear HMM,
How many jobs have you had? Witch was your favorite? How much do you get payed to do the job your doing now?
Cheerio, HMM: "Cheerio"? Are you British or something?
Diva840

HUGE MOUTH MAN: Well, I have only had one job: hit man. I get $100,000.00 every time I make one of the girls miserable. Even though I have only had one job, I have had to use unusual skills such as: oral archery, children'd truck driving, spring-roll shooting, brain-robot piloting, and sailing. I'd have to say of those five, I liked brain-robot pilot the best.
AAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaannd. . . . EEEEEMAAAIILLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

If you had to choose a way to do your job that's better than brain robot piloting, what would it be? And why do birds get killed a lot in Teen Girl Squad?

HUGE MOUTH MAN: It's called "E-mail" for a reason. Please right all further emails in letter form. For your first question, whoever you are, I'd have to say the best way would be as a dragonrider. Especially if the dragon was a one-armed thing named Trogdor. I could say something like: {slowly, as if he were making it up while he was going along} BURN. . . IN. . . ATING. . . THE. . . COUNTRYSIDE. . . BURNINATING. . . TEENAGE GIRLS. . . BURNINATING ALL THE PEOPLE. . . AND THE STUPID WHAT'S HER FACE!!! STUPID WHAT'S HER FACE!!!!!!!!
HUGE MOUTH MAN: {On a peice of paper to Strong Bad} So, are you up to it?

STRONG BAD: Um, sure! Let's see what I can do.

{We see the Trogdor song, only with HMM on Trogdor's back, replacing the peasent with So-And-So, "all the people" with the members of TGS, and replacing the cottage with What's her face.}

HMM: {Singing} And then me and my dragon come in the NIIIGGGHHHHHHHT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Oh, for your second question, it's me practicing my hit-man skills some birds. I am now an expert at helicopter-piloting, cloud-driving, and sun-spinning
HMM: Who is the guy who kills off the Teenage girls? That's me Strong Bad! I mean, that's me The Huge Mouth Man!

Dear Huge Mouth Man,
Do you also do archery, and control mailboxes?
From,
your pal HMM: Ooh, my pal!

Well, Paltrick, I already said I do oral archery. If you're reffering to in issue 4 when So-and-So's hearts got arrowed, yes, that was me. For your second question, yes I have tamed What's-Her-Face's mailbox. It is now my loyal pet. I call him Stevie. {calling} Oh, Stevie! Come'ere boy!

{Stevie walks in}

STEVIE: Arf, arf!

HMM: Good boy! Do you want some cable bills?

STEVIE: {happily} ARF! ARF!

HMM: Here you go! {He gives Stevie some bills and Stevie devouers them.}

HMM: How about some electric and water bills? {He hands them to Stevie then gets out a check list and puts a checkmark next to "pay bills"} welp, that's another thing taken care of!

dear guy,
wassup? my friend told me 2 e-mail u. what would ya do if u did not have a BIG mouth. please gif me all o' ya monE.do u drif a kewl car? if sew du u shew it 2 yor frinds. u r ol'm mr.l9. any way OPPS I PWESSD CPS LOCK. allsow, y dosn't homsar do anytimng funE.
g2g man,
gdfhjfgxbc homsar

HMM: Shoot hot soup at the TGS, eh, gdfhjfgxbc? That sounds pretty- wait, what did your e-mail say again? {He pulls it back up to read it.} Hmm. . . Oh, oh! \/\/E11, C()|\/|PUTER \/1RUS, 1 \/\/()U1D PR()B/\B2Y JUST N()T USE |\/|Y |\/|()UT|-| /\S |\/|UC|-|. No, seriously, I can barely understand this. I mean, in the time it took me to read half of this e-mail, I could have done all kinds of things. Like, build a rocket launcher, to shoot the TGS with. . . Wow! I'm gonna start on that right now!
HMM: Last week, my brother, who's new at 404'ing, 404'd all of his email! It was so hillarious!

Dear Huge Mouth Man,
I find myself continually being 404'd by you and it is really starting to hurt my browser. I like my browser, and would like to keep it un-404'd. If you would comply with this, I will gladly deliver a batch of freshly cooked grumble-cakes to you, as a little "thank you."
Sincerely,
Strong Lad

HMM: Well, Mr. British Strong Bad, I'm sorry if your browser keeps getting 404'd but YOU'RE GETTING 404'D BECAUSE OF YOUR OWN STUPIDITY!!! I MEAN, IF YOU JUST-Wait, sorry, I get upset sometimes when people asking that. I know that typing in all caps is breaking internet ettiquette law. What I'm trying to say is, You're getting 404'd because your'e typing in the URL for a page that doesn't exist. The reasons for this are as follow: A: you made a spelling error, like typing ["sbemial"]. B: You are trying to get the fullscreen version of an old cartoon like ["A Jorb Well Done".] C: You have typed the URL of a page that is no longer on H*R, like ["A Jumping Jacks Contest"] D: You are getting impatient for the next email, and are trying to get to ["Sbemail 150"] or so. E: You are typing in the URL of a page that just plain doesn't exist, like ["New The Cheat"]. I think I has the solution for all. A: When typing the URL, type it slowly and make sure not to make any mistakes. B: Just watch the cartoon in regular. C: MARSHMALLOWS LAST STAND AND JUMPING JACK CONTEST ARE... Oh, there I go again. I'm guarding those for TBC, who won't have them up for a while. In the meantime, go [here]. D: Get some friggin' patience! Strong Bad isn't done with that one yet! E: 'Get a friggin' brain, loser! That page isn't even real!'' Okay, it felt good to do all of that. Now you owe me some fresh grumblecakes!

{HMM pauses}

HMM: Whoa, come to think of it, me guarding something for the TBC... I mean, they created Strong Bad, Strong Bad created me... It's like something out of "The Matrix's Matrix". {A StrongBad-drawn version of "The Matrix" pops up}. I could be the star of that one! {We see a scene from "The Matrix", only all of the characters have HMM's head pasted over theirs.} It's like: "The Matrix's Matrix, coming in June, 20X4! Starring HMM as everyone!" Yeah, I'll have to talk to Strong Bad about that one.

Sorry about the popular-culture reference, I just thought that was funny. -CE5

HMM: With email like this, who needs enemies?

d3@R HmM

h0w c0m3 u !N3Vr m0v3 !@r0unD 0r !n0tH!Ng ! !w@nT 2 c u !m0v!nG!!!!!!!!!!111one

HMM: Um, I could barely understand that no-name brand email, but I think it's asking me why I never move around. The answer is simple. I'm a comic. Now, if I were animated, I might be able to move around. Hmm...

{A Powered-by-The-Cheat TGS cartoon starts. Strong Bad is doing voiceovers.}

STRONG BAD:(N): Teen Girl Squad! {As he says this, the TGS logo appears} Cheerleader! {Cheerleader pops out of a limo that drives by. she has a purple dress and blonde hair. "Talks on cell phone!" appears in the air.} So-and-so! {So-and-so pops out of a school bus that drives by. She has a blue shirt, plaid dress, and red hair. "Reads informational books!" appears in mid-air.} Whats-her-face! {What's-her-face walks up. She has brown hair, a green shirt and blue jeans. "Looks for food in garbage cans" appears in mid-air.} The Ugly one! {She comes out from behind a cardboard cut-out of a limo. She has a hot-pink dress and frizzy red hair. "Dresses up like Cheerleader" appears in mid-air}

{Cut to: a Powered-by-The-Cheat field. TGS are standing in a field.}

CHEERLEADER: Hey girls, it Saturday, and you know what that means?

REST: Um, so goo-

CHEERLEADER:{Cutting them off} We've got to get some hot dates!

{They are walking along. a silver UFO appears in the background and sucks up some birds. TGS stops.}

CHEERLEADER: Okay, Now let's start getting some hot dates!

WHATS-HER-FACE: Thomas is supposed to be picking me up here! {The UFO appears above her.} Well, there's my ride! {The UFO beams here up.} See you guys later!

SO-AND-SO: I asked Brett to pick me up!

CHEERLEADER: What are you talking about? Brett Bretterson's not real!

SO-AND-SO: Yes he is! Here he is now! {She turns and starts talking to no-one} Oh, Brett! Please tell my friend that you're real!

{A tall boy with red hair, a green shirt, and black pants appears.}

BRETT: Hey, Krissy! Wanna come with me?

SO-AND-SO: You bet! {They both become invisible.} This is cool, Brett!

THE UGLY ONE: Well, Cheerleader, we're the only ones without dates. I guess you know what that means!

CHEERLEADER: I do so have a date! I have a date with The Cheat!

THE UGLY ONE: No, I have a date with The Cheat!

CHEELEADER: Then how come I have an invite from The Cheat addressed to Cheerleader?

THE UGLY ONE: My names Cheerleader! {She runs away. She comes back looking excactly like Cheerleader, only her hair's still red and frizzy and she's still wearing glasses.} See?

CHEERLEADER: I don't wear glasses!

THE UGLY ONE: You're right! I don't! {She throws her glasses away, revealing that she has horizontal slits for eyes. She hears a car.} I bet that's The Cheat now! {A Volkswagon Beetle drives up.}

CHEERLEADER: Um, I don't think that's The Cheat.

THE UGLY ONE: Of course it's The Cheat! {The door opens.} Hey, The Cheat! What do you think?

{HMM comes out of the car. He's wearing a space suit and carrying a phaser. He stares at The Ugly One for a few seconds then vaporizes her.}

HMM: PHASERED!

{HMM jet-packs away. A limo drives up. The Cheat gets out. He's wearing his new boots and carrying five trophies.}

CHEERLEADER: Hey, The Cheat! Ooh, where did you get those boots?

THE CHEAT:{In thecheatspeak} Hey, baby! Hows about we go to the mall?

CHEERLEADER: Okay!

STRONG BAD:(N) It's over!

{Cut to: HMM's desk. He is still Powered-by-The-Cheat style.}

HMM: So that's how it would be. I didn't get much screen time, but, you get the idea. {Pause} Come to think of it, what happened to What's-Her-Face?

{Cut to: Powered-by-The-Cheat style moon. Thomas is skateboarding. He does a trick.}

STRONG BAD:(N) 720* STALEFISH!...'d

WHATS-HER-FACE: Dag.

{Nebulon floats by in the background. HMM appears and vaporizes him.}