1. hurting
  2. jobs
  3. dream job
  4. pet
  5. hacker-talk
  6. 404'd
  7. animated


Dear Huge Mouth Man,
Why do you hurt the TGS people so much?
JestersOfTheMoon HMM: What kind of name is that? Are you some kind of clown or something?

HUGE MOUTH MAN: I hurt them because I get paid for it. Apparently some man wearing a wrestling mask and boxing gloves really hates those girls.


Dear HMM,
How many jobs have you had? Witch was your favorite? How much do you get payed to do the job your doing now?
Cheerio, HMM: "Cheerio"? Are you British or something?

HUGE MOUTH MAN: Well, I have only had one job: hit man. I get $100,000.00 every time I make one of the girls miserable. Even though I have only had one job, I have had to use unusual skills such as: oral archery, children'd truck driving, spring-roll shooting, brain-robot piloting, and sailing. I'd have to say of those five, I liked brain-robot pilot the best.

AAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaannd. . . . EEEEEMAAAIILLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

If you had to choose a way to do your job that's better than brain robot piloting, what would it be? And why do birds get killed a lot in Teen Girl Squad?

HUGE MOUTH MAN: It's called "E-mail" for a reason. Please right all further emails in letter form. For your first question, whoever you are, I'd have to say the best way would be as a dragonrider. Especially if the dragon was a one-armed thing named Trogdor. I could say something like: {slowly, as if he were making it up while he was going along} BURN. . . IN. . . ATING. . . THE. . . COUNTRYSIDE. . . BURNINATING. . . TEENAGE GIRLS. . . BURNINATING ALL THE PEOPLE. . . AND THE STUPID WHAT'S HER FACE!!! STUPID WHAT'S HER FACE!!!!!!!!
HUGE MOUTH MAN: {On a peice of paper to Strong Bad} So, are you up to it?

STRONG BAD: Um, sure! Let's see what I can do.

{We see the Trogdor song, only with HMM on Trogdor's back, replacing the peasent with So-And-So, "all the people" with the members of TGS, and replacing the cottage with What's her face.}

HMM: {Singing} And then me and my dragon come in the NIIIGGGHHHHHHHT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Oh, for your second question, it's me practicing my hit-man skills some birds. I am now an expert at helicopter-piloting, cloud-driving, and sun-spinning

HMM: Who is the guy who kills off the Teenage girls? That's me Strong Bad! I mean, that's me The Huge Mouth Man!

Dear Huge Mouth Man,
Do you also do archery, and control mailboxes?
your pal HMM: Ooh, my pal!

Well, Paltrick, I already said I do oral archery. If you're reffering to in issue 4 when So-and-So's hearts got arrowed, yes, that was me. For your second question, yes I have tamed What's-Her-Face's mailbox. It is now my loyal pet. I call him Stevie. {calling} Oh, Stevie! Come'ere boy!

{Stevie walks in}

STEVIE: Arf, arf!

HMM: Good boy! Do you want some cable bills?

STEVIE: {happily} ARF! ARF!

HMM: Here you go! {He gives Stevie some bills and Stevie devouers them.}

HMM: How about some electric and water bills? {He hands them to Stevie then gets out a check list and puts a checkmark next to "pay bills"} welp, that's another thing taken care of!

dear guy,
wassup? my friend told me 2 e-mail u. what would ya do if u did not have a BIG mouth. please gif me all o' ya u drif a kewl car? if sew du u shew it 2 yor frinds. u r ol'm mr.l9. any way OPPS I PWESSD CPS LOCK. allsow, y dosn't homsar do anytimng funE.
g2g man,
gdfhjfgxbc homsar

HMM: Shoot hot soup at the TGS, eh, gdfhjfgxbc? That sounds pretty- wait, what did your e-mail say again? {He pulls it back up to read it.} Hmm. . . Oh, oh! \/\/E11, C()|\/|PUTER \/1RUS, 1 \/\/()U1D PR()B/\B2Y JUST N()T USE |\/|Y |\/|()UT|-| /\S |\/|UC|-|. No, seriously, I can barely understand this. I mean, in the time it took me to read half of this e-mail, I could have done all kinds of things. Like, build a rocket launcher, to shoot the TGS with. . . Wow! I'm gonna start on that right now!

HMM: Last week, my brother, who's new at 404'ing, 404'd all of his email! It was so hillarious!

Dear Huge Mouth Man,
I find myself continually being 404'd by you and it is really starting to hurt my browser. I like my browser, and would like to keep it un-404'd. If you would comply with this, I will gladly deliver a batch of freshly cooked grumble-cakes to you, as a little "thank you."
Strong Lad

HMM: Well, Mr. British Strong Bad, I'm sorry if your browser keeps getting 404'd but YOU'RE GETTING 404'D BECAUSE OF YOUR OWN STUPIDITY!!! I MEAN, IF YOU JUST-Wait, sorry, I get upset sometimes when people asking that. I know that typing in all caps is breaking internet ettiquette law. What I'm trying to say is, You're getting 404'd because your'e typing in the URL for a page that doesn't exist. The reasons for this are as follow: A: you made a spelling error, like typing ["sbemial"]. B: You are trying to get the fullscreen version of an old cartoon like ["A Jorb Well Done".] C: You have typed the URL of a page that is no longer on H*R, like ["A Jumping Jacks Contest"] D: You are getting impatient for the next email, and are trying to get to ["Sbemail 150"] or so. E: You are typing in the URL of a page that just plain doesn't exist, like ["New The Cheat"]. I think I has the solution for all. A: When typing the URL, type it slowly and make sure not to make any mistakes. B: Just watch the cartoon in regular. C: MARSHMALLOWS LAST STAND AND JUMPING JACK CONTEST ARE... Oh, there I go again. I'm guarding those for TBC, who won't have them up for a while. In the meantime, go [here]. D: Get some friggin' patience! Strong Bad isn't done with that one yet! E: 'Get a friggin' brain, loser! That page isn't even real!'' Okay, it felt good to do all of that. Now you owe me some fresh grumblecakes!

{HMM pauses}

HMM: Whoa, come to think of it, me guarding something for the TBC... I mean, they created Strong Bad, Strong Bad created me... It's like something out of "The Matrix's Matrix". {A StrongBad-drawn version of "The Matrix" pops up}. I could be the star of that one! {We see a scene from "The Matrix", only all of the characters have HMM's head pasted over theirs.} It's like: "The Matrix's Matrix, coming in June, 20X4! Starring HMM as everyone!" Yeah, I'll have to talk to Strong Bad about that one.

Sorry about the popular-culture reference, I just thought that was funny. -CE5

HMM: With email like this, who needs enemies?

d3@R HmM

h0w c0m3 u !N3Vr m0v3 !@r0unD 0r !n0tH!Ng ! !w@nT 2 c u !m0v!nG!!!!!!!!!!111one

HMM: Um, I could barely understand that no-name brand email, but I think it's asking me why I never move around. The answer is simple. I'm a comic. Now, if I were animated, I might be able to move around. Hmm...

{A Powered-by-The-Cheat TGS cartoon starts. Strong Bad is doing voiceovers.}

STRONG BAD:(N): Teen Girl Squad! {As he says this, the TGS logo appears} Cheerleader! {Cheerleader pops out of a limo that drives by. she has a purple dress and blonde hair. "Talks on cell phone!" appears in the air.} So-and-so! {So-and-so pops out of a school bus that drives by. She has a blue shirt, plaid dress, and red hair. "Reads informational books!" appears in mid-air.} Whats-her-face! {What's-her-face walks up. She has brown hair, a green shirt and blue jeans. "Looks for food in garbage cans" appears in mid-air.} The Ugly one! {She comes out from behind a cardboard cut-out of a limo. She has a hot-pink dress and frizzy red hair. "Dresses up like Cheerleader" appears in mid-air}

{Cut to: a Powered-by-The-Cheat field. TGS are standing in a field.}

CHEERLEADER: Hey girls, it Saturday, and you know what that means?

REST: Um, so goo-

CHEERLEADER:{Cutting them off} We've got to get some hot dates!

{They are walking along. a silver UFO appears in the background and sucks up some birds. TGS stops.}

CHEERLEADER: Okay, Now let's start getting some hot dates!

WHATS-HER-FACE: Thomas is supposed to be picking me up here! {The UFO appears above her.} Well, there's my ride! {The UFO beams here up.} See you guys later!

SO-AND-SO: I asked Brett to pick me up!

CHEERLEADER: What are you talking about? Brett Bretterson's not real!

SO-AND-SO: Yes he is! Here he is now! {She turns and starts talking to no-one} Oh, Brett! Please tell my friend that you're real!

{A tall boy with red hair, a green shirt, and black pants appears.}

BRETT: Hey, Krissy! Wanna come with me?

SO-AND-SO: You bet! {They both become invisible.} This is cool, Brett!

THE UGLY ONE: Well, Cheerleader, we're the only ones without dates. I guess you know what that means!

CHEERLEADER: I do so have a date! I have a date with The Cheat!

THE UGLY ONE: No, I have a date with The Cheat!

CHEELEADER: Then how come I have an invite from The Cheat addressed to Cheerleader?

THE UGLY ONE: My names Cheerleader! {She runs away. She comes back looking excactly like Cheerleader, only her hair's still red and frizzy and she's still wearing glasses.} See?

CHEERLEADER: I don't wear glasses!

THE UGLY ONE: You're right! I don't! {She throws her glasses away, revealing that she has horizontal slits for eyes. She hears a car.} I bet that's The Cheat now! {A Volkswagon Beetle drives up.}

CHEERLEADER: Um, I don't think that's The Cheat.

THE UGLY ONE: Of course it's The Cheat! {The door opens.} Hey, The Cheat! What do you think?

{HMM comes out of the car. He's wearing a space suit and carrying a phaser. He stares at The Ugly One for a few seconds then vaporizes her.}


{HMM jet-packs away. A limo drives up. The Cheat gets out. He's wearing his new boots and carrying five trophies.}

CHEERLEADER: Hey, The Cheat! Ooh, where did you get those boots?

THE CHEAT:{In thecheatspeak} Hey, baby! Hows about we go to the mall?


STRONG BAD:(N) It's over!

{Cut to: HMM's desk. He is still Powered-by-The-Cheat style.}

HMM: So that's how it would be. I didn't get much screen time, but, you get the idea. {Pause} Come to think of it, what happened to What's-Her-Face?

{Cut to: Powered-by-The-Cheat style moon. Thomas is skateboarding. He does a trick.}



{Nebulon floats by in the background. HMM appears and vaporizes him.}