{We begin at nighttime, seeing the silhouette of Bubs' Concession Stand and the woods behind it. Strong Bad and The Cheat, clad in black, sneak up to the back of the stand. As they glance around to make sure nobody's watching, The Cheat squeaks.}

STRONG BAD: You said it, The Cheat! Once we get our hands on Bubs' fundraiser candy bars, our troubles will be over. We can retire, maybe get a little place in Strong Badia...I dunno... {The Cheat squeaks} Alright, remember the drill. Go straight for the crispy crackly ones! Don't waste your time on them plain ol' chocolates. Those things are fool's gold! Okay, hand me the explosives. {The Cheat hands Strong Bad a bunch of Fthoom-Bang brand bottle rockets duct-taped together, then lights them. Strong Bad sets them against the back door of Bubs' stand, and they both take cover. The rockets launch and fireworks explode in the sky.} The Cheat, I told you to remove the fthoom! All we needed was the bang!

{Homestar Runner arrives, making siren noises; these sound like common car alarms}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Weh ooh weh ooh weh ooh weh...

STRONG BAD: Oh no, we've been found ou--


STRONG BAD: Oh no, we've--

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Mep! Mep! Mep! Mep!



STRONG BAD: {exasperated} Oh no we've been found out.

{Coach Z walks up behind them}

COACH Z: I mighta guessed you was behind all this!

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Coach Z, get these low-lifes out of my sight!

{Coach Z starts dragging them off}

STRONG BAD: You set me up! You set me up! The Cheat, te-tell him that he set you up. {The Cheat starts yelling with him} You set me up!

{Cut to title sequence. We're given mugshots of Strong Bad along with the titles. "THE BROTHERS CHAPS PRESENT" "THE FIRST CARTOON IN A WHILE" "WE LIKE TO CALL IT" "STRONG BAD IS IN JAIL CARTOON" "MISSY AND MATT ON VOCALS" "MIKE ON DRUMS" Cut to Strong Sad sitting at a table writing a letter.}

STRONG SAD: Dear Prisoner Number 5408, aka Strong Bad, aka Professor Tor Coolguy, I can only hope your incarceration turns your life around as much as it has mine. I feel...cooler, and...less like I suck so bad. I've made some changes around the house. Your computer room is now my Tai Chi space. {Cut to the computer room, where Strong Sad has set up calligraphy scrolls, Taijitu (Yin Yang symbols), and a candle, while he performs tai chi.} Hai-toh... Beng... Gait! {back to him writing} Well, I gotta go. Marzipan and I have a {enunciates heavily} baklava in the oven. Hoping you don't get shivved, Strong Sad.

{Cut to jail, which is just a cardboard box with slits cut in it sitting in the field. Strong Mad is visiting, and Strong Bad has a hairnet on. Judging by the tally marks on the inside of the cell, they've been there a week.}

STRONG BAD: You gotta get us outta the joint, man! I don't think The Cheat is gonna make it!

{Cut to The Cheat, who's frothing at the mouth and has hair sticking all over the place, going crazy. He's standing by three metal cans marked Food, Water, and Eww.}


{Strong Mad lifts up the box}

STRONG BAD: Sweet lady freedom! Let's make out!

{The Cheat wipes off the froth, fixes his hair, and squeaks what sounds like...}

THE CHEAT: Let's make out!

STRONG BAD: Hey shut up! What are you, horning in on my girl? Only I get to make out with--{The Cheat corrects him with a squeak} Oh. Right. The escaping.

{They run off. Strong Mad puts the box down and stands there for a while, blinking, before holding up a yellow jackhammer labelled "JACK HAMMA!" smashed into a yellow cake with pink icing and put on a plate.}


{Cut to the field. Marzipan is reading a newspaper, and Homestar walks up to her.}


MARZIPAN: Homestar, did you know that crime is on the rise?

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Yeah, I know[1]. Is it?

MARZIPAN: Yes, things are very serious now. So what are you going to do to protect me?

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Um, I could put a dash between Homestar and Runner from now on.

MARZIPAN: Really? You'd do that for me?

HOMESTAR RUNNER: {laughs} No, of course not!

{Marzipan frowns and glares. Strong Bad and The Cheat run past in the distance, carrying off the King of Town's crown. It seems Strong Bad chugged down a few bottles of soy sauce, judging from his ramblings.}

STRONG BAD: Oh man, The Cheat, we struck it rich this time! Now we can retire to da MOOOOOOOOOOOON!

{Cut to inside police headquarters. Coach Z and Bubs are doing a police sketch of the thief of the King of Town's crown.}

BUBS: So, describe to me what the perpetrator looked like.

THE KING OF TOWN: Had a head like a big ol' round ol'...

BUBS: Okay...

THE KING OF TOWN: Red ol'...

BUBS: Uh-huh...

THE KING OF TOWN: Nasty ol' egg!

BUBS: I see...

THE KING OF TOWN: And hands looked like biscuit dough!

BUBS: Uh-huh! Is this the man! {Holds up a sketch of a guy in a sweater with the number 7 on it with biscuit-dough hands and a craggy face, looking nothing like Strong Bad. He has a speech bubble saying "I did it!!"}

COACH Z: It was Biscuit-Dough Hands Man! I knew it!

{Cut to Strong Badia. Strong Bad and the Cheat are hiding out behind the fence, where they've stashed all their loot. Among their loot is a cookie jar that looks like Trivia Time, the framed picture titled "Thank You" from Marzipan's house, Strong Sad's iPod, and some bags labeled "some savings". The Cheat is wearing the King of Town's hat.}

STRONG BAD: Come on, The Cheat! Quit being such an old The Cheat! We gotta come out of retirement for this one last job! {The Cheat replies} Nononono, NOnononono! It's like this: the ransom money becomes the new retirement money. And the retirement money becomes the new college fund. And the college fund...eh, we blow on a really tricked-out van. {The Cheat ponders, then agrees. Strong Bad turns aside and starts talking to himself} Yes! Another victim claimed by Strong Bad's Powers of Persuasion! No living The Cheat can resist the P.O.P.! {The Cheat squeaks, annoyed} Hang on, I'm not done yet! {turns aside again} And uh...um...okay I was done. Let's go.

{Cut to the inside of the King of Town's castle, nighttime. The King of Town arrives home.}

THE KING OF TOWN: Poopsmith, I'm home! Man, I feel like some serious biscuit-dough. Poopsmith? {goes outside} Poopsmith! {Goes to the pile of whatsit. The shovel is there, the pile is there, the Poopsmith is not.} Poopsmith? {We zoom in on the shovel and hear The Brothers Chaps going "Dun-dun-DUN!"} THEY'VE STOLEN MY POOPSMITH!

{Cut to the field. Homestar Runner and PomPom are out there, and Homestar has a flashlight.}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Alright, PomPom, the Poopsmith is missing, and we gots to find him! We're your first and last line of defense! Only YOU can prevent scouting! Boy, do we need forest fires! {turns around for a second, and then turns back to PomPom} A-ha! PomPom! {clicks the flashlight on and shines it in his face} What are you doing out past curfew? {PomPom bubbles, confused} Don't play games with me, Roundy-Man! Just who are you working with? {PomPom bubbles} Homestar Runner, eh? Sounds like a no-goodnik to me! {Starts clicking the light on and off in PomPom's face, who's now very annoyed. He bubbles. Homestar sniffs him.} PomPom...did you step in something?

{Cut to Strongbadia, daytime, behind the fence. Frank Bennedetto and the Poopsmith are the latest additions to Strong Bad's stash, the Poopsmith being tied-up and duct-taped across the mouth.}

STRONG BAD: Alright, doodie-man. It's time to deliver my ultimate ultimatum! The Cheat! Ready with the viderocamera! {The Cheat squeaks and holds up a camera with "property of kevin" written on it. He begins filming.} Wait, hang on! Almost forgot to disguise my identity! {puts on a red ski mask with a cutout for his nose} Now we're ready. Attention, whatever weirdos are concerned about the Poopsmith!

HOMESTAR RUNNER: {offscreen} Oh, hey Strong Bad. {camera pans to see Homestar standing right there, PomPom close behind}

STRONG BAD: What the-? Aww, holy crap! I thought I smelled bacon! How'd you find us!

HOMESTAR RUNNER: We followed this mysterious trail the Poopsmith left!


HOMESTAR RUNNER: That, and we got an anonymous tip from Strong Sad.

{Strong Sad peeks out from behind the fence}

STRONG SAD: I told them you were behind the fence.

STRONG BAD: You sold me out! You sold me out! The Cheat, tell him that he...oh, never mind.

{Coach Z and Bubs walk up}

BUBS: Oh man! It's just Strong Bad!

COACH Z: Once again, Biscuit-Dough Hands Man slips through our fingers!

{they grab Strong Bad and The Cheat and drag them off, The Cheat squeaking in protest}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Well, kids and people, it just goes to show, Strong Sad doing tai chi is really, really funny.

{Strong Sad peeks out from behind the fence again}


HOMESTAR RUNNER: What? It was! {Homestar starts imitating Strong Sad's tai chi} You were all like Pah-ku-lah! Honh! Pwing!

{Marzipan walks in with a plate full of baklava}

MARZIPAN: Who wants some bak-a-lava? {the cartoon fades out} Baka-ma-lava anybody?

{The cartoon sits at the "THE END" screen for a while, then fades in to Marzipan's Answering Machine.}

MARZIPAN: {on the answering machine} Hi, this is Marzipan.


STRONG BAD: {on the answering machine} Hello, Marzipan! This is Professor Tor Coolguy! I was just calling to see if you'd be interested in PREPARING FOR YOUR DOOM! Er...not really calling to see, uh...I shouldn't have really given you a choice, I mean, uh...you should just go ahead and prepare for your doom. Cause it's on its way, man. It's gonna be some doom. {beep}

{Cut to jail, where Strong Bad has been using the "Eww." can as a phone. Strong Mad is still outside the jail.}

STRONG BAD: Ho-ho! Great idea, The Cheat! Even on the inside, Professor Tor Coolguy cannot be stopped!

{The Brothers Chaps go "Dun-dun-DUN!" and the cartoon fades out again to the "THE END" page. But after a while, we cut to Strongbadia at nighttime, behind the fence. The loot isn't there anymore, but The Poopsmith is, tied-up, and duct-taped over his mouth. After a while, Homestar Runner walks up to him, clicking the flashlight on and off in his face.}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Alright, buster, move it along here! Nothing to see, nothing to see! {continues to click the flashlight on and off in his face for a while, then pauses, then pulls out the sketch of Biscuit-Dough Hands Man} Is this you?


[1] There is some debate concerning whether this phrase is "Yeah, no," or "Yeah, I know." A poll was actually created regarding it, concluding that "Yeah, I know. Is it?" was the correct quote. Return to transcript.