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Features: Marzipan, Coach Z, Bubs, Homsar, Strong Bad, Homestar Runner, Strong Sad

Marzipan's Greeting:

MARZIPAN: Hi, this is Marzipan. {singing} Leave me a message, and I'll get right back to you. Hey! Leave me a message, and I'll get right back to you. Hey! Leave me a mess.. {beep}

Message 6:

COACH Z: {drunk} Hey there Marzipan, it's Coach Z. Wheeeee! {Bubs makes some sort of announcement in the background which is inaudible} Look at me, I'm Coach Z! Oh, I'm... now I'm a poet, though. I apologize. I'm over at Bubs' place. We're just hanging out here having a good time, you know. {sings} Good times times 3... makes 1, 2, Coach Z! {stops singing} See I told you I was a poet, now. Uh, so anyways, like I say, we're just hanging out over here, having a great time, and I started thinking about you, {sniffs, starts to cry}, 'cause I always have such a great time with you, you're such.. you're such a beautiful person, and you're just... {sobs} You're so perfect, and, you know, I couldn't ask for more in a lady. {sniffs} Oh, geez. I'm sorry. I... {sniffs} I gotta go.

Message 5:

HOMSAR: Daahhh, hello, Marzypan. It's Homsar. Dahhh, I was just calling to thank you for the flowers you sent me while I was in the hospital. Daahh, I'm feeling much better now, but I still can't feel my legs. Ok, bye dee bye.

Message 4:

STRONG BAD: {clears throat} Cheerio, there, Mrs. Pan. This is Constable Anybody over here at the Royal Society for Total Dorks. We would like to welcome you to our prestigious society. In fact, we would make you freakin' president. {holds back laughter} Yes, so, all you have to do is, uh, go to your window and stick a couple of pencils up your nose, and {holds back laughter} then you'll be the president. {holds back laughter} OK.. cheers... 'cause I'm so British.

Message 3:

COACH Z: Hey, there, Marzipan. It's Coach Z, uh... So Bubs tells me I gave you a call last night, uh, in the wee hours, there. Um, I'm not too sure what I may have said, but I'd like to apologize... make kind of a blanket apology.. cover the whole thing there, like one of them blankets you put on a fire, you know, when a, when you're burnin' leaves in the backyard and it get out of hand and, you know, you gotta throw that blanket over here. That's what this apology is, here. So, uh.. hope I didn't offend you or say anything out of turn, there. Though I suppose you can't really say nothing out of turn on a machine, right? 'Cause, you know, it's not your turn an an answering machine, not 'till you call back. OK, so now I'm just ramblin', but, uh... I am still a poet, and, uh, and don't I know it!

Message 2:

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Good evening, Sir or Madam. My name is Homestar Runner. I represent Distinguished Businessman. Are you getting the lowest rates from your long distance provider? I can give you rates as low as anybody. Seriously. I don't know what they are, but I probably could give them to you. Um, here's one: BEEP. No, that was just me buzzing the phone. Ok, it was't even me buzzing the phone, it was just me saying BEEP. Uhh, I can provide you with other stuff, too, like this pen on my desk {clangs pen on desk}, or, like, these post-its. This is great. Am I getting paid for this, really? Um, doodly dee deeby deedly dee..

Message 1:

STRONG SAD: Oh, hey Marzipan. Guess who this is it's Strong Sad. I was just calling 'cause I figured you wouldn't be home, and I'd never done that thing, you know, where you call somebody and you're leaving a message on their machine, and then while you're leaving the message, they pickup the phone and it's like: Oh, hey. Hi. I was just leaving you a message and how you doing? and so.. see, I never had that happen to me, so I thought I'd just call you and talk... talk to your machine until you got home... so that's what I'm gonna do. Hello? Hellooooo? Marzipan? Hello? {repeats last 4 words indefinitely}