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STRONG BAD: Oh, here comes little e-mail, with a gun in his hand... {reading} hi there strong bad, i was just wondering,when is dangeresque 3 comeing {pronounced "koh-may-ing"} out? yours truly, john newell {pronounces it "johny well"} , on {not reading} Whoa. I left my John Newell on. {He deletes "on" and types "off".} John Newell: off. {We hear the sound of a large machine powering down.} Man! Peoples won't leave me alone about this one. {typing} Okay, okay, okay, okay. Dangeresque 3 production update! Day 114: Things are comeing {again pronounced "koh-may-ing"} along right on schedule. So far, we seem to have only hit one major snag. Um, and that is I haven't um, {as he types, the text gets smaller} made Dangeresque 3 yet. But, before you start throwing full wine bottles at your computer screen, let me offer this as a cop-out: the digitally remastered director's cut of: Dangeresque 1: Dangeresque, too? {We cut to Strong Bad wearing his Dangeresque glasses, sitting in the Gremlin, pretending to drive and humming the Dangeresque theme tune. The Cheat repeatedly runs by in the background holding a small tree to give the impression of movement. A sign is held up in front of the camera, moving around a little, reading: Dangeresque 1: "Dangeresque, Too?" followed by another, reading "Not in 3-D".} STRONG BAD: Bring! Bring! Oh, my car phone. {He picks up a VCR with a phone cord coming out of it.} You got Dangeresque. Who this is? {Cut to Coach Z in his Renaldo costume. He is looking straight at the camera.} COACH Z: Now? STRONG BAD: {whispering, off-screen} Yeah, go, go. COACH Z: {turns away from the camera and holds a phone receiver up to his ear} Hello, Dangeresque? It's Renaldo. I need you back here away, right? I mean, right away. STRONG BAD: {off-screen} Uh, I'm in a car right now, but I can drive it to the office. COACH Z: Sounds like a plan. {turns back to the camera} How was tha – {Cut to Strong Bad in his car.} STRONG BAD: Hang on, car phone! Get ready for some fancy driving! {He makes the sound of a car squealing around corners while the camera moves left to make it seem as if he's moving forwards. One of the Gremlin's hubcaps rolls from the left of the screen. We then cut to the office. Strong Bad opens the door and walks in.} COACH Z: What took you so long? STRONG BAD: Oh, I had to swing by Cool Weapons Surplus for a new nunchaku gun. {Holds up a gun with nunchakus taped to it.} And a Reesy cup milkshake. {Holds up a milkshake cup with "Reesy Cup" printed on it.} COACH Z: Well, anyways, I called you in to meet your new partner: Dangeresque, too? {The camera pans right to Homestar Runner, wearing sunglasses.} HOMESTAR RUNNER: The name's Dangeresque. Nice to meet ya. STRONG BAD: Whaaa? COACH Z: Dangeresque! STRONG BAD: Yeah? HOMESTAR RUNNER: What? {simultaneously} {They both turn and glare at each other to the accompaniment of a shock riff made by Strong Bad over the top.} COACH Z: Perducci's intercepted the serum at the border! {He holds up the newspaper from Stunt Double, this time with a taped-on headline reading "PERDUCCI IS THE BAD GUY".} If that serum doesn't make it through, they'll kidnap Cutesy Buttons! STRONG BAD & HOMESTAR RUNNER: Perducci! {Cut to Homestar and Strong Bad playing squash in the basement (with Strong Bad's rendition of the Dangeresque theme tune as an accompaniment). Homestar serves the ball and they play a frantic volley, which Strong Bad wins.} HOMESTAR RUNNER: {removes sunglasses} What is your malfunction? STRONG BAD: Let's get one thing straight, meatball... face... butt: I work alone. 'Cept when I work with Renaldo. Which is all the time. HOMESTAR RUNNER: Oh yeah? Well, you need me because I'm the only one that knows where Perducci is, and where that is is that he is... in Istanbul. STRONG BAD: Istanbul! Of course! {Blackout fade to an expanse of meadow in Free Country, USA, with a musical interlude from Strong Bad. Homestar Runner and Strong Bad are standing next to the Cheat, who is wearing a sign saying "Istanbul".} HOMESTAR RUNNER: Perducci's got to be here around in Istanbul somewhere. STRONG BAD: I hope you're right. We’ve got to get that serum through... HOMESTAR RUNNER: Let's ask this passers-by. {Strong Sad walks by, holding a sandwich.} HOMESTAR RUNNER: What do you know about Perducci, doughboy? STRONG SAD: Ugh, I told you guys already I'm not going to be in your stupid movie! {The camera is turned off. When it turns back on a split-second later, Strong Bad is holding the sandwich.} HOMESTAR RUNNER: What do you know about Perducci? STRONG SAD: {reluctantly} Only that I am not one of his minions. HOMESTAR RUNNER: Well, thanks anyways. Move it along, hot tub! {Strong Sad walks out.} STRONG BAD: That stranger seemed to know a little bit too little about Perducci... {With another musical interlude, blackout fade to Strong Sad and the King of Town (who is silhouetted), on top of Bubs' Concession Stand. The King of Town is wearing a bowler hat.} KING OF TOWN: What? Two Dangeresques? {He turns to the camera, revealing that he is wearing a blue coat, sunglasses and a name-tag reading "hello my name is perducci".} Well, they'll still be no match for my secret weapon! {Cut to a silhouetted Strong Mad, whose gleaming white eyes are the only visible feature of his body. Strong Bad makes a scary tune over the top, then sings the first two notes of the Dangeresque theme song as we cut to Homestar Runner and Strong Bad standing on top of a large piece of cardboard made up to look like a tall building, holding a horizontal rope. The camera, once again, is turned off for a second and the image reappears, but rotated ninety degrees so that it looks as if the Dangeresques are climbing the building.} STRONG BAD: Once we've climbed this skyscraper, we'll hopefully be able to throw some people off. Maybe even Perducci. {They continue to "climb". As Homestar's glasses fall onto the cardboard, we quickly cut to the top of the Concession Stand, where the Dangeresques meet the King of Town.} KING OF TOWN: Dangeresque! HOMESTAR RUNNER: Yeah? STRONG BAD: What? {simultaneously} KING OF TOWN: Allow me to introduce you to both my secret weapon and your doom: Killingyouguy! {Strong Mad appears, raising his arms menacingly. The M on his singlet has been replaced with "KILLINGYOUGUY" and two post-its with a bullet hole and a scar drawn on have been stuck to his face. Strong Bad imitates a guitar screech over the top.} HOMESTAR RUNNER: Oh. Gad. STRONG BAD: That guy is tall. HOMESTAR RUNNER & STRONG BAD: You take the big guy. HOMESTAR RUNNER: The pipes are broken! {He leaps off. We cut to Homestar, suspended by a rope, whirling around and kicking Strong Sad repeatedly in the face. Strong Sad has a paper bag with Strong Mad's face drawn on it on his head and is wearing his singlet.} Strong Sad: {while getting hit} Oof! Ow! Ouff! Ouwh! Getting! Dizzy! Blacking! Out! Oof! Geez! Oouf! {We then cut to Strong Bad, Coach Z (silhouetted) and Homestar (looking down on the fallen Strong Mad).} COACH Z: Nice work there, Dangeresque! STRONG BAD & HOMESTAR RUNNER: Thanks. Ahahahaha. {Marzipan, as Cutesy Buttons, approaches Coach Z, holding a glass of brown liquid, with ice cubes and parsley bobbing on the surface.} MARZIPAN: Mmm. Thanks for the serum, boys. Now I won't be kidnapped. STRONG BAD: Oh no... HOMESTAR RUNNER & STRONG BAD: ...looks like we're going to have to jump! {They both jump off the Concession Stand and end in a freeze, silhouetted against a sunset. The credits roll while Strong Bad sings.} STRONG BAD: Today is all right for tonight... Riding in a Corvette, feeling all right, Today is all right for tonight! Today is all right for tonight... Riding in a Corvette, feeling all right, All right for tonight! Dangeresque – Strong Bad Dangeresque – Homestar Runner Renaldo – Coach Z Perducci – The King of Town Cutesy Buttons – Marzipan Killingyouguy – Himself Passerby(Hot Tub) – El Dumpo Istanbul – The Cheat 'Today is alright 4 2nite' written and performed by Strong Bad {We cut to pictures of Strong Bad with Strong Sad's sandwich and Strong Sad protesting in the background; The Cheat washing the Gremlin while Strong Bad holds the sandwich; and The Cheat painting Strong Mad black on top of the Concession Stand. Then the screen turns black and both Dangeresque's cool glasses appear on the screen. "The End?" appears underneath them. The song ends and the paper comes down.} |