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The JengaShip? III Introduction This is a parody of StarTrek?. It was written by James. <www.jamesd.vze.com> All characters are (c) The Brothers Chaps. <www.homestarrunner.com> Ships, crew and cargo specs Name: The U.S.S. Jengaship Ship class: Starship Crew and rank: Homestar - Captain, Marzipan - Gofer PomPom - First mate Bubs - Engineer Coach Z - Programmer The KOT - Cook Poopsmith - Sanitation HomSar - Randomness Cargo: All the Salty Plum soda in the known universe Name: The Strong Bad Is Awesome (SB=AWE) Ship class: Klingon Bird of prey. Crew and rank: The Cheat - Communications officer. Strong Mad - Engineer Strong Bad - Captain. Strong Sad - Psychologist Cargo: Assorted broken electronics. ---- Space. The final frontier. These are the voyages of the Jengaship III. (Don't ask what happened to I & II). On a 5 year mission to explore strange new worlds. To seek out new life & seek out new civilizations. To boldly crash were no spaceship has crashed before! The Jegaship III is manned by an elite and very odd crew. It flies though space. And once it sank. Captains log. Heading 2.1.87 Homestar Runner sat on the bridge. He stared blankly at the radar screen, thinking serious and deep thoughts. Then he turned to the side and voiced them. "Hey PomPom, what are all these thingies on the screen?" "Bubble bubble bubble" "Ohhhhh. I see. Well what's this flashing red thingie then?" Suddenly sirens went and the room was bathed in red, flashing lights. "Hey, what happened? Is the Poopsmith adjusting the plumbing again?" Coach Z appeared in a panic from the hallway. "We're doomed!" he yelled. "That there red light means that the feared menace, Strong Bad, is in the area. "I'll man the escape pads!" "Hey, now!" Bubs said as he came though the door. "You ain't making any escapes this soon! There's only one pod left and it has my name on it!" "No one's going anywhere" Homestar said. "Why not?" Asked Bubs and Z "The king of town has filled all but one of the escape pods with butter-doh" "What about the last one?" "The Poopsmith is keeping a mysterious cargo in it." "What? Why wasn't I informed about this?" Bubs demanded. Homestar hesitated. "Well... we tried to move it into the cargo bay, but it stunk too bad." There was an electronic beep. "IncomingComm?" An computerized voice said. "Woah. Nice. What's that mean, PomPom?" PomPom sighed and pressed a button on the control panel. A picture of the cheat was projected on the the screen in front of them. "Hewwo, the cheat! Where'd you get that cool ray-gun?" asked Homestar Runner. "Meh, meh. Remgh!" "Can anyone tell what he's saying?" Strong Bad appeared and pushed The Cheat out of the way. "He's saying, you moron, that we are declaring war on you! I mean, I think we are. Well, the Klingons said we could have this cool ship if we did. Surrender now and hand over your Salty Plum Soda(tm)!" There was a brief conference between the crew of the Jengaship III. "Let's surrender." said Z. "He can take the soda and we'll have it off our hands." "That sounds reasonable." said Homestar. He turned back to the comm screen. "We'll never surrender!" he yelled. "Give me liberty or give me da soda!" "Oh, so your going to be like that, eh? Well have it that way, Interrupter Jones! We'll just see who wins. And of course, that's me. And The Cheat. We can't be beat." "MEEEE TOOOOO!!!" Yelled Strong Mad from the background. "I WANT TO WINN!!" A loud crash was heard in the background, followed by Strong Bad yelling and then the video image dissolved into static. "Homestar, how could you?!" Marzipan said. She then marched away in a huff to plant more radishes in the garden she had made in the cargo bay. "Awwwighhht!" Said Homestar. PomPom sighed and began pressing buttons on the control panel. * * * * * * Strong Bad was very annoyed at Strong Mad. With the commBox broken he couldn't taunt his enemies anymore. The Cheat was working full time on it, but it would still be at least another hour until they could make contact. What was the good of attacking if you couldn't mock your enemies as you did it? "You lazy crap for crap!" he exclaimed. Strong Mad looked up, grunted, and immediately shuffled down to the cargo bay where he began beating an 8 track tape player agenst the wall. Strong Bad held his head in his hands and groaned as he slid down onto the sofa. Strong Sad appeared. "Ok, Calm down. As the ship's psychologist, I feel it is my duty and personal responsibility to care for your needs." He said. "I'll tell you a story to soothe your nerves. Once there was a nice little kid, and he had some very mean brothers. They would put slugs in his hamburger and laugh, and once one of them ripped up the picture he had spent all day painting. Then there was the time they put salt in his pudding and he nearly threw up. Another time they put a snake in his closet and he almost had a heard attack. But thats not all. They also once locked him in the " Strong Bad began snoring. * * * * * * On the Jengaship III, everyone was preparing for the oncoming battle. There were 50 miles between the SB=AWE and them, but they expected an advance any time now, so everyone was working. More or less. "YeahaAHHAHAaahahahh?!" Crowed HomSar. "I think I've missed the sandwich." The King of Town perked up. "Pardon me, but did I just hear you mention a sandwich?" "My buffalo bleeeew it away with the wind..." HomSar said sadly. "Dooohoohoo!" The King of Town exclaimed. "I'll go fix us some more. Will 23 be enough? And maybe some waffles..." He disappeared into the hallway. "Woah. said Homestar. "Did you just see that? I mean, did anyone see that?" "Now what?" asked Marzipan. "That door. Does the King of Town have, like, magical powers from witches brew or something?" "That's an automatic door Homestar." "Oh, really? Your sure it's not witches brew? Woah! Cool. It does it for me too! Open. Closed. Open. Closed." "Homestar, quit fooling with the door. I need to get out." "Really? That's an amazing coincidence, because I just happen to be standing here for you." "Homestar, move!" "Oh, do you need to go out? Here, I'll get the door for you!" Marzipan sighed and shuffled out of the room. Homestar could be such a pest sometimes. She wondered if she should still be his girlfriend any more. But the only alliterative was Strong Bad, so she decided not to dump Homestar. Yet. * * * * * * Strong Bad stirred from a deep sleep. He was dreaming of putting Strong Sad in the dryer again. It was a very pleasant dream. In the background he heard a faint humming. "Hey!" He sat up with a start. The Cheat was sitting in the command chair making faces at the crew of the Jengaship III through the CommBox?. "All right, The Cheat. Thought you could have some fun while I was napping didn't you? Well move over, this is my day to plunder and horrify all those who get in my path to victory! Or something like that. Move over already, man!" The Cheat squeaked and hopped down, making a face at Strong Bad as he went. Strong Bad pretended not to notice. The Cheat had been very obstinate recently, ever since he had accidentally been left in the dryer till noon. Strong Bad reopened the Comm. He was greeted with Homestar Runners face pushed up agenst the screen. "Hey, look guys!" Homestar yelled, causing a screech of feedback. "I think The Cheat is back! Wait. It's Strong Bad, I think. Is it supposed to be this blurry up close?" "Hooomestaar..." Strong Bad said, ducking down out of view of the camera. "Hooooommmeestaaarr... ... Ruuuunnneeer..." "Woah!" said Homestar. "It's like a ghost or something. Is this another horror movie? The one The Cheat did was awesome." "Hey!" Yelled Strong Bad, jumping up. Homestar Runner fell backwards on the floor in surprise. "Ok, you morons, this is to let you know that we will be invading in 10 minutes. Prepare to be boarded." * * * * * * "Ok, men!" said Homestar. "We may only have a few moments to live, so does anyone have any last words?" HomSar stepped forward. "YeahahaaahaaahAHAAAHaa?! Ah think it's a pointless kuffalo. Any umbrellas would thank your moose." "Thank you HomSar! So, with those inspiring words... Battle stations!" Homestar started to walk over to the control center to join PomPom, but he was stopped by Marzipan. "Homestar? Did you know that this printout says that they have 10 times the armor and firepower we do?" . "Yeah, I know. They do?" "Yes!" "Well, there's only one thing to do. RETREAT!!!! We're in over out heads men! Man the cannons! Fire the rear thrusters! Hit all the button thingies!" There was an explosion and the ship rocked from side to side. Bubs yelled up from the engine room. "We've taken a hit!" "Is it serious?" yelled Homestar into the intercom. "Oh, yeah, it's real serious. The King of Town tried to make popcorn and he put too much in the pot." "Use it as ammo!" Homestar commanded. * * * * * * Strong Bad reclined in his seat, steering the ship with his feet. "Man, this is too easy. Hey, The Cheat. Get me a drink." "Mo! Mime Maken yearn mot!" "What do you mean, your taking control of the ship? I'm captain." The Cheat produced a ray gun and pointed it at Strong Bad's old computer. "You wouldn't." Suddenly, there was a splatting sound on the windshield. A single popcorn kernel lay flattened agenst the windshield. "What the?-" Suddenly, a wave of popcorn was released from the other ship. "Holy crap!" yelled Strong Bad. * * * * * * The SB=AWE rocked as the popcorn hit it. Then it exploded. A cheer went up from the crew and the theme music began to play as the fade to black started. Strong Bad walked though the door. Suddenly everything stopped abruptly. "You don't think I would be dumb enough to be bested by popcorn, do you? We have transporters too, ya know." The Cheat, Strong Sad and Strong Mad appeared behind him. "So, we want that cargo. And we want it now." "Your mission can never succeed!" Proclaimed Homestar. "I may or may not be a man, mortal or not, but you will never take command of the galaxy's supply of Salty Plum Soda(tm)! So there!" "Ok, man. Enough fooling around. I want that soda, and I want it now. With the power and opportunity that your cargo supplies, I could start a monopoly and become ruler of the galaxy! Or at least Strongbadia. So hand it over!" "Um, well, when you put it that way... we can't" "What? Well why the heck not?" There was a belch from the King of Town. The End? ---- Comments, Admeration, and crap from the general public go here ---- Yeah, I can't format worth crap on the wiki. Believe me, it looked much better as a RTF file. :-) Personaly though, I think I've captured the spirit of the thing pretty well. Any one have any ideas for improvements? (Or does someone want to help format it?) -JamesGecko |