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HUGE MOUTH MAN: INSTALL COMPUTER'd Emails # hurting # jobs # dream job # pet #hacker-talk #404'd #animated ---- HUGE MOUTH MAN: CHECKED E-MAIL'd Dear Huge Mouth Man, Why do you hurt the TGS people so much? JestersOfTheMoon HMM: What kind of name is that? Are you some kind of clown or something? HUGE MOUTH MAN: I hurt them because I get paid for it. Apparently some man wearing a wrestling mask and boxing gloves really hates those girls. ---- HUGE MOUTH MAN: OPEN'd Dear HMM, How many jobs have you had? Witch was your favorite? How much do you get payed to do the job your doing now? Cheerio, HMM: "Cheerio"? Are you British or something? Diva840 HUGE MOUTH MAN: Well, I have only had one job: hit man. I get $100,000.00 every time I make one of the girls miserable. Even though I have only had one job, I have had to use unusual skills such as: oral archery, children'd truck driving, spring-roll shooting, brain-robot piloting, and sailing. I'd have to say of those five, I liked brain-robot pilot the best. ---- AAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaannd. . . . EEEEEMAAAIILLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! If you had to choose a way to do your job that's better than brain robot piloting, what would it be? And why do birds get killed a lot in Teen Girl Squad? HUGE MOUTH MAN: It's called "E-mail" for a reason. Please right all further emails in letter form. For your first question, whoever you are, I'd have to say the best way would be as a dragonrider. Especially if the dragon was a one-armed thing named Trogdor. I could say something like: {slowly, as if he were making it up while he was going along} BURN. . . IN. . . ATING. . . THE. . . COUNTRYSIDE. . . BURNINATING. . . TEENAGE GIRLS. . . BURNINATING ALL THE PEOPLE. . . AND THE STUPID WHAT'S HER FACE!!! STUPID WHAT'S HER FACE!!!!!!!! HUGE MOUTH MAN: {On a peice of paper to Strong Bad} So, are you up to it? STRONG BAD: Um, sure! Let's see what I can do. {We see the Trogdor song, only with HMM on Trogdor's back, replacing the peasent with So-And-So, "all the people" with the members of TGS, and replacing the cottage with What's her face.} HMM: {Singing} And then me and my dragon come in the NIIIGGGHHHHHHHT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Oh, for your second question, it's me practicing my hit-man skills some birds. I am now an expert at helicopter-piloting, cloud-driving, and sun-spinning ---- HMM: Who is the guy who kills off the Teenage girls? That's me Strong Bad! I mean, that's me The Huge Mouth Man! Dear Huge Mouth Man, Do you also do archery, and control mailboxes? From, your pal HMM: Ooh, my pal! Well, Paltrick, I already said I do oral archery. If you're reffering to in issue 4 when So-and-So's hearts got arrowed, yes, that was me. For your second question, yes I have tamed What's-Her-Face's mailbox. It is now my loyal pet. I call him Stevie. {calling} Oh, Stevie! Come'ere boy! {Stevie walks in} STEVIE: Arf, arf! HMM: Good boy! Do you want some cable bills? STEVIE: {happily} ARF! ARF! HMM: Here you go! {He gives Stevie some bills and Stevie devouers them.} HMM: How about some electric and water bills? {He hands them to Stevie then gets out a check list and puts a checkmark next to "pay bills"} welp, that's another thing taken care of! ---- dear guy, wassup? my friend told me 2 e-mail u. what would ya do if u did not have a BIG mouth. please gif me all o' ya monE.do u drif a kewl car? if sew du u shew it 2 yor frinds. u r ol'm mr.l9. any way OPPS I PWESSD CPS LOCK. allsow, y dosn't homsar do anytimng funE. g2g man, gdfhjfgxbc homsar HMM: Shoot hot soup at the TGS, eh, gdfhjfgxbc? That sounds pretty- wait, what did your e-mail say again? {He pulls it back up to read it.} Hmm. . . Oh, oh! \/\/E11, C()|\/|PUTER \/1RUS, 1 \/\/()U1D PR()B/\B2Y JUST N()T USE |\/|Y |\/|()UT|-| /\S |\/|UC|-|. No, seriously, I can barely understand this. I mean, in the time it took me to read half of this e-mail, I could have done all kinds of things. Like, build a rocket launcher, to shoot the TGS with. . . Wow! I'm gonna start on that right now! ---- HMM: Last week, my brother, who's new at 404'ing, 404'd all of his email! It was so hillarious! Dear Huge Mouth Man, I find myself continually being 404'd by you and it is really starting to hurt my browser. I like my browser, and would like to keep it un-404'd. If you would comply with this, I will gladly deliver a batch of freshly cooked grumble-cakes to you, as a little "thank you." Sincerely, Strong Lad HMM: Well, Mr. British Strong Bad, I'm sorry if your browser keeps getting 404'd but YOU'RE GETTING 404'D BECAUSE OF YOUR OWN STUPIDITY!!! I MEAN, IF YOU JUST-Wait, sorry, I get upset sometimes when people asking that. I know that typing in all caps is breaking internet ettiquette law. What I'm trying to say is, You're getting 404'd because your'e typing in the URL for a page that doesn't exist. The reasons for this are as follow: A: you made a spelling error, like typing ["sbemial"]. B: You are trying to get the fullscreen version of an old cartoon like ["A Jorb Well Done".] C: You have typed the URL of a page that is no longer on H*R, like ["A Jumping Jacks Contest"] D: You are getting impatient for the next email, and are trying to get to ["Sbemail 150"] or so. E: You are typing in the URL of a page that just plain doesn't exist, like ["New The Cheat"]. I think I has the solution for all. A: When typing the URL, type it slowly and make sure not to make any mistakes. B: Just watch the cartoon in regular. C: MARSHMALLOWS LAST STAND AND JUMPING JACK CONTEST ARE... Oh, there I go again. I'm guarding those for TBC, who won't have them up for a while. In the meantime, go [here]. D: Get some friggin' patience! Strong Bad isn't done with that one yet! E: 'Get a friggin' brain, loser! That page isn't even real!'' Okay, it felt good to do all of that. Now you owe me some fresh grumblecakes! {HMM pauses} HMM: Whoa, come to think of it, me guarding something for the TBC... I mean, they created Strong Bad, Strong Bad created me... It's like something out of "The Matrix's Matrix". {A StrongBad-drawn version of "The Matrix" pops up}. I could be the star of that one! {We see a scene from "The Matrix", only all of the characters have HMM's head pasted over theirs.} It's like: "The Matrix's Matrix, coming in June, 20X4! Starring HMM as everyone!" Yeah, I'll have to talk to Strong Bad about that one. Sorry about the popular-culture reference, I just thought that was funny. -CE5 ---- HMM: With email like this, who needs enemies? d3@R HmM h0w c0m3 u !N3Vr m0v3 !@r0unD 0r !n0tH!Ng ! !w@nT 2 c u !m0v!nG!!!!!!!!!!111one HMM: Um, I could barely understand that no-name brand email, but I think it's asking me why I never move around. The answer is simple. I'm a comic. Now, if I were animated, I might be able to move around. Hmm... {A Powered-by-The-Cheat TGS cartoon starts. Strong Bad is doing voiceovers.} STRONG BAD:(N): Teen Girl Squad! {As he says this, the TGS logo appears} Cheerleader! {Cheerleader pops out of a limo that drives by. she has a purple dress and blonde hair. "Talks on cell phone!" appears in the air.} So-and-so! {So-and-so pops out of a school bus that drives by. She has a blue shirt, plaid dress, and red hair. "Reads informational books!" appears in mid-air.} Whats-her-face! {What's-her-face walks up. She has brown hair, a green shirt and blue jeans. "Looks for food in garbage cans" appears in mid-air.} The Ugly one! {She comes out from behind a cardboard cut-out of a limo. She has a hot-pink dress and frizzy red hair. "Dresses up like Cheerleader" appears in mid-air} {Cut to: a Powered-by-The-Cheat field. TGS are standing in a field.} CHEERLEADER: Hey girls, it Saturday, and you know what that means? REST: Um, so goo- CHEERLEADER:{Cutting them off} We've got to get some hot dates! {They are walking along. a silver UFO appears in the background and sucks up some birds. TGS stops.} CHEERLEADER: Okay, Now let's start getting some hot dates! WHATS-HER-FACE: Thomas is supposed to be picking me up here! {The UFO appears above her.} Well, there's my ride! {The UFO beams here up.} See you guys later! SO-AND-SO: I asked Brett to pick me up! CHEERLEADER: What are you talking about? Brett Bretterson's not real! SO-AND-SO: Yes he is! Here he is now! {She turns and starts talking to no-one} Oh, Brett! Please tell my friend that you're real! {A tall boy with red hair, a green shirt, and black pants appears.} BRETT: Hey, Krissy! Wanna come with me? SO-AND-SO: You bet! {They both become invisible.} This is cool, Brett! THE UGLY ONE: Well, Cheerleader, we're the only ones without dates. I guess you know what that means! CHEERLEADER: I do so have a date! I have a date with The Cheat! THE UGLY ONE: No, I have a date with The Cheat! CHEELEADER: Then how come I have an invite from The Cheat addressed to Cheerleader? THE UGLY ONE: My names Cheerleader! {She runs away. She comes back looking excactly like Cheerleader, only her hair's still red and frizzy and she's still wearing glasses.} See? CHEERLEADER: I don't wear glasses! THE UGLY ONE: You're right! I don't! {She throws her glasses away, revealing that she has horizontal slits for eyes. She hears a car.} I bet that's The Cheat now! {A Volkswagon Beetle drives up.} CHEERLEADER: Um, I don't think that's The Cheat. THE UGLY ONE: Of course it's The Cheat! {The door opens.} Hey, The Cheat! What do you think? {HMM comes out of the car. He's wearing a space suit and carrying a phaser. He stares at The Ugly One for a few seconds then vaporizes her.} HMM: PHASERED! {HMM jet-packs away. A limo drives up. The Cheat gets out. He's wearing his new boots and carrying five trophies.} CHEERLEADER: Hey, The Cheat! Ooh, where did you get those boots? THE CHEAT:{In thecheatspeak} Hey, baby! Hows about we go to the mall? CHEERLEADER: Okay! STRONG BAD:(N) It's over! {Cut to: HMM's desk. He is still Powered-by-The-Cheat style.} HMM: So that's how it would be. I didn't get much screen time, but, you get the idea. {Pause} Come to think of it, what happened to What's-Her-Face? {Cut to: Powered-by-The-Cheat style moon. Thomas is skateboarding. He does a trick.} STRONG BAD:(N) 720* STALEFISH!...'d WHATS-HER-FACE: Dag. {Nebulon floats by in the background. HMM appears and vaporizes him.} |