E-Mail #1: Ninjas
E-Mail #2: False Alarm
(The Unguraits wander up and examine the giant computer. One dressed in red robes pulls out a keyboard, hooks it to the wall, and begins tapping the keys with a scimitar.)

Dear Unguraits, do you guys all type at once? Also, are you ninjas or something?

Sincerely,
The Only Guy E-mailing You So Far

Red-Robed Ungurait: (He sounds kind of like Steve Buscemi) First of all, allow me to introduce myself. I am Engar, chief of the Unguraits. Now allow me to answer your question.

(Three other Unguraits draw their scimitars and begin juggling.)

Engar: First of all, as you can see, only I type on... the keyboard. (Unguraits gasp) It is the privilege of the head Ungurait that only he may touch the keyboard. (Unguraits gasp) It comes with my station.

(One of the Unguraits holds up a glass, which Engar takes and sips from.)

Engar: As to your other question, would ninjas wear green? Of course not. We are bandits by profession. Bandits, not ninjas. (Pause) In fact, we despise ninjas. Stupid, sneaky cowards. You're supposed to ambush and assault them, not sneak up with a throwing star!

(Engar holds up a throwing star.)

Engar: We have no clue how these work. Diffa did try them out once, but, well... Diffa!

(An Ungurait covered in bandages from head to feet walks into view.)

Engar: I rest my case. So, until next time, lie, cheat, and steal.

==The Paper==

(The Paper is obviously being held up by two Unguraits with long sticks.)
(The Unguraits carry a large keg of what may or may not be liquor into the computer chamber as Engar hits the button.)

reaD, ragnE, uoy kcor. I etah nehw elpeop tegrof tuoba ouy syug.
morF,rotcudnoC ehT

Engar: Ummm... I cannot understand a word of that. Diffa!

(Diffa walks up, still heavily bandaged. After a few moments, he whispers into Engar's ear.)

Engar: Oh... I see. Well, Conductor, I thank you for your message, but next time you may want to reverse your screen's polarity. As for why people forget us... Well, we've never actually visited the bulk of Free County, USA. You see, we ambush for a living, and so we're lying in wait for the right moment... Ah, the right moment. When that day comes, I will shout, "NOW!", and...

(The Unguraits suddenly jump to their feet, drawing their scimitars and charging out of the cave. Engar frantically starts yelling, but they keep running. Cut to outside the cave, where a flood of Unguraits trample Strong Sad. Cut back to Engar...)

Engar: sigh I forgot how ramped up those guys are. I suppose I'll have to go pick them up later. It's not like they can get into too much trouble. Until next time, keep an eye on your back.

==The Paper==

(The Paper drops as the left-hand Ungurait suddenly slips.)

(A few seconds later, we cut to Bub's Concession Stand, where the Unguraits have formed a very long line.)

Bubs: Man, I ain't never sold so many Swiss Cake Rolls before in my life! What'd you like?

Ungurait at Front of Line: Swiss Cake Rolls. One box. Now!