Homestar.Du.Freak.png
by Da Bee

Chapter One: Preparations

It was a bright and hot day. The birds were singing, the sun was shining and I, The Cheat was stuck in school. Me and my best friend, Dijjery-Doo were whispering to each other. My favourite teacher was teaching, Mr. Winner (his first name was Homeschool), and Mr. Winner always went easy on Dijjery-Doo, because he really liked Dijjery-Doo(for some reason I'll probably never know). Oh yeah, one more thing, I love boxing. Suddenly the bell rang. As me and Dijj went to the football field our other two friends caught up with us, The Leat and The Sheat. The Sheat had something to show the others. "Look here," he said and held up a poster:

                                  HOMESTAR DU FREAK
 
                       SEE THE AMAZING TWO BELLIED MAN -POM POM
                     LOOK UP AT THE TALLEST PERSON -HOMESTAR RUNNER
                       LISTEN TO THE INSANE BABBLINGS OF -HOMSAR
                    LOOK IN AWE AT THE POOPSMITH'S TOLERANCE FOR CRAP 
                   HAVE A GO AT THE MAGICAL BOXING GLOVES OF -STRONG BAD
                         LISTEN TO THE COOL ACCENT OF -COACH Z            
                                 AND MUCH MUCH MORE
                                   DON'T MISS IT!


"Looks like a freak show," I said. Suddenly a voice spoke out from behind them. It was Mr. Winner. "What's that?" He asked, frowning. "It looks like a freak show." Dijj then asked, "Sir, what are freak shows like?" "Oh they are horrible. They would put people, who were no different from us, except in looks, in cages. They would let people taunt them, laugh at them, and the owners would hardly feed them and never let them wash. Of course, they're illegal, but every now and then you'll see a small band traveling around." "Do you think it's a real show?" Dijj asked. "No," replied Mr. Winner, "But I hope none of you would ever think of going.
"Of course not." Dijj said, then mouthed the words: "We're going."

Chapter Two: Tickets and Contests

Dijj kept saying he wanted the poster and Mr Winner eventually gave in, but not before cutting off the address. Dijj came back and said it didn't matter, he'd memorised the address. He would go out and get them but he needed at least 40. We would go home and meet back here in 15. I went home and got the jar of pennies. It wasn't stealing, just borrowing. I went back and we all gave Dijj the money.
The next day Dijj was nowhere to be seen. "I knew it," sighed The Leat, "He couldn't get them and now he's fightened to show up" "But he's not the kind of person to do that, though" I cut in. Then during Geography, Dijj showed up and said he had the tickets, but he could only get 2 tickets. "Now who's goin' to be the ones ta go?" he asked. "Well Dijj has to go," I chipped in, "Because he went and got the tickets." "So we're in agreement, Dijj goes, but who is the other one?" The Sheat asked. "How about Dijj decides?" I suggested "No way!" The Leat shouted "He'll pick you. I say we have a wrestling match!" "NO!" Sqeaked Sheat, who as the smallest could not fight well. "How 'bout this?" shouted Dijj over the row, "I chuck lots of pieces of paper, the same size in the air. The one who gets the paper that says HOMESTAR DU FREAK wins."
We all agreed and he threw them in the air. Leat and Sheat immedietly started grabbing wildly, but I held on and waited. A piece of paper slipped over my hand but a voice in my head said "Not yet..." Suddenly the voice shouted "NOW!". I shut my hands and looked 'round. Leat and Sheat were searching the ground. Dijj asked me to open my hand. I opened it and saw...nothing. Suddenly I remembered my other hand. I opened it slowly and there was. . . . . . .a piece of paper. I flipped it over and on it, in bold, green letters were:

HOMESTAR DU FREAK

"YESSSSSSSS" I shouted "WHOOOOOOOO, YEAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!" I had the ticket to the freak show. I was going with Dijj!

Chapter Three: Secrets in Darkness

That night I brushed my teeth as usual and stayed up reading a comic, until Dijj arrived. I was going around his house for tea and then, at night we would sneak out to the Freak Show. Dijj arrived about 6:45. I went round his house and we had tea. Then when his mum went to bed we both sneaked out to the show. It was a cold night and the show was taking place in an abandoned warehouse. We told each other ghost stories as we jogged along. When we came to the place we almost turned away, because it was so imposing. Finally we summed up all our courage and stepped in.
We walked for ages, getting nowhere and we were about to turn back when suddenly a voice spoke out from behind us, making our hairs stand on end. "Hello," said the voice, "May I help you?" "We turned around and saw...Homestar! The tallest man. And he was tall. You could hardly see his head. "What would you like, The Cheat?" He asked again.
I was shivering in my boots. He knew my name. "H...H...How...How do you...know hi...his name...?" sqeaked Dijj.
"Oh I know all about you. I know you sneaked out here and lied to your parents, The Cheat. I know you hate your mommy and daddy, Dijjery. I know all about you. Now may I help you?" He asked a third time. "We have tickets to the Freak Show," I said. "OK," he said, and he ate them. "Now go straight ahead." "Isn't there someone to guide us?" I asked. "If you wanted a guide you should have bought a babysitter with you!" He chuckled. That was it. If he was going to make fun of me any longer, I would have started a fight. I walked straight through, startling Dijj. It was the feeling of when you walk into a boxing arena...

Chapter Four: The Muscle Man


I shivered as I crept through, wishing I hadn't been so rash. We both found ourselves in a brightly lit room with hundreds of people. Some old, some young, some chatty, some quiet. One thing was for sure, they were all excited about the show. Everone looked at us wierdly as we walked through. As far as I could see there were no other kids our age. The only ones nearest to our age was 16. Then as we sat down the theatre went dark. This was it. Homestar Runner walked onto the stage.
"Ladies and gentlemen," He announced ", This is a freak show and every one of our performers are real freaks. May I remind you that this is not a harmless show, all of our freaks are real and none are harmless. This is not for the faint hearted." A lot of people muttered but none left.
"Very well," Shouted Homestar Runner, and he left the stage. Then out came some little green people. They were heaving out a cage with a beast inside it. He was huge and shook furiously at the bars.
"This is our Muscle Man," Shouted Homestar Runner ", He is half human, half muscle. The mix has made him crazy and he is very dangerous."
The robed people pulled out a coin and put The Muscle Man into a trance. They led him up the aisles and let people touch him. Dijj did but I didn't.
"What does it fell like?" I asked him.
"Thick," he replied ", and bony!"
Suddenly there was a huge "BANG!" from somewhere. The Muscle Man snapped out of the trance and immedietly leapt onto the seats. Every screamed and scrambled for their lives. One lady wasn't quick enough. The Muscle Man leapt up and tore her arm off. She screamed and a few people fainted. Suddenly, Homestar Runner appeared behind the creature and whispered something in his ear. He calmed down and Homestar went to the still screaming woman. He called for one of the green hooded people. They sprinkled some green tuff on the stump and then put the hand on. Then they started stitching. She didn't scream or wince even though the needle was going through her flesh.
Suddenly a man stepped out of the crowd to see. The green hooded people finished and Homestar Runner said, "Move you hand," She stared at him flaberghasted but tried to move it. Her hand moved around in all kinds of formations. "You'll be alright," Homestar Runner said.
"ALRIGHT," Shouted the man who stepped forwards ", I'm her husband. She's just had her arm tore off by a beast. I'll go and tell the autho-"
"And where were you?" Homestar asked, "If you are her husband shouldn't you have been coming to her aid?"
"Well I...There was no time...I couldn't..." But no matter what the man said he couldn't answer it because he had been saving himself.
"THIS IS NO PRETTY LITTLE THEATRE WHERE NOTHING GOES WRONG", He announced. "ACCIDENTS CAN AND WILL HAPPEN. THERE IS NO HELPING IT AND SOMETIMES PEOPLE FARE OFF MUCH WORSE THAN YOUR WIFE HERE. I REMINDED YOU AT THE BEGINNING, IF YOU ARE FAINT HEARTED GO!"
A few people went at that but most stayed, even the woman who's arm got tore off.

Chapter Five: The Show

The next freak was Coach Z. He was just what we needed after the terrifying start. He had a very strange accent and you could hardly understand him. He sung some famous songs from The Beetles, some well known theme tunes and London Bridge is Falling Down. "Lordies ornd gentolmern, er'll girve a goold bor to anyorne whor corn undorstand moy words." He spoke some words like: 'Delorted' and 'Jeoaeorb'. It was fun and everyone calmed down quickly.
As this was going on I noticed some robed people behind me cleaning up the blood from the woman. "Hey Dijj, have you noticed those robed people?"
"Yeah," he replied ", Kind of strange and freaky, and why don't they talk?" I wondered this all through the performance.
Then as Coach Z left Pom Pom bounced on. The floorboards threatened to break with each bounce for Pom Pom was HUGE!
He was bought some food on a gold tray and he bubbled with delight. He ate all the food and some people looked sick. Some actually vomited. It was as if Pom Pom's hands didn't move, the fod just levetated into his mouth. As he scoffed the last bun, he pointed to a clock above him. It said: 2:37. He had eaten all the food in two minutes and 37 seconds.
Next came the Poopsmith. He wasn't as good as the others, but still entertaining. He walked close to the crap and waited for ages, not fainting or anything. He had a tolerance for crap. Some of the robed people came on and put more crap on...and more...and more, and still the Poopsmith held his mark. After he left on came Strong Sad, the incredible whinger. He called upon some robed people and asked them to stand their ground. Then he started whinging. "I don't like food anymore" or "Stop doing that, you're really annoying me". Eventually no robed people were left. Even some of the audience had scattered.

Chapter Six: Strong Bad

The next freak was Strong Bad. The lights went out and out came a short but evil looking man. He had huge green eyes and a strange accent. He wore a pair of boxing gloves and a red cape and black trousers. Nothing else. He walked to a table and looked at the audience...and smiled.
"Ladies and gentlemen," He announced ", What I carry here is a pair of magical boxing gloves. I was given them many years ago by a gifted boxer."
He put them on the table and stared at us once again. It felt like his eyes were boreing into my mind. It was creepy. Suddenly he spoke out again. "Here I carry the violin in which I control the gloves with," and he pulled out a tiny violin ", As soon as I start playing you must all remain silent as to not break the bond between the violin and the boxing gloves, for if you do, I could die."
He started playing and the gloves lifted up and pulled a small boxing arena onto the table. Then an assistant brought a small rodent into the arena. The rodent looked around helplessly as the boxing gloves smacked it once...-twice...three times...-four times...-and a final fith time. The rodent fell down, fainted. Strong Bad then played the violin and the gloves picked up some wieghts and started exercising.
Strong Bad made them do a number of things including, eating, baking, playing and even talking(sign language). It was amazing and I turned to Dijj but he was white. He looked teriffied and was shaking. I asked him ", What's wrong?"
"Did you see that?" he sqeaked.
"Yeah, the gloves were amazing!" I replied.
"I'm talking about Strong Bad," He said, quite irritated.
"Strong Bad," I inquired ", What's so good about him. All he did was control the spider"
"I know who he is" Dijj said
"Yeah," I laughed ", He's Strong Bad"
"No you IDIOT," He shouted ", He's Van Hoston"
"Uh huh ," I sniggered. I would come to regret this later in my life but for now, I was happy and I thought Dijj was crazy.

Chapter Seven: Vampires and Gouls



Place all comments here!

Shouldn't Strong Bad be with The Cheat? I mean, The Cheat came in an egg an Strong Bad got it. The Cheat also says that he hangs out with Strong Bad because Strong Bad protects him from larger predators. Also, you need better characters. Dijjery-doo stands out too much. I better shut up now, since we are kind of like enemies.
- A Guy Named CE1

Dijj looks like The Cheat though. Plus he's meant to stand out...Mr. Bee

Hey, Da Bee! NEver impersonate another WikiUser! You can only make it link to your name! Not mine! I have changed it. - CE1

ummmm...I don't think I was impersonating you. Iwas just reminding you that I was talkin'
to you - Da Bee

You gonna continue this? If not, I'll finish it. - CE1

I will finish it. It's just i've been quite busy recently. - Da Bee

Can I spellcheck? - CE1

HERE'S YOUR Cover, Da Bee! Happy? - CE1

Umm...yes, I am happy. Thanks, and yes you can spellcheck - Da Bee