STRONG BAD: Email is like a prison. A prison with no walls. And no toilet.

{Reading email} Hey Strong Bad,

''I was just wondering what you would be like in a video game and what it would be like.
From Taylor R.
Queen Creek, AZ''

{Strong Bad reads "AZ" as "Alcatraz"}

Whoa... it's somebody on the inside. {shakes head} Get out soon, Taylor.

{Typing} What would I be like in a video game? Well, that all depends on what system we're talking about. Like, if it was on one of those really old machines, the graphics would probably only look kinda like me. {Cut to Atari 2600-style game; a red square represents Strong Bad} {voice-over} And I'd run all around a futuristic maze, collecting things that look nothing like me! {"Strong Bad" collects a yellow square the same size} Man, that'd be pretty awesome! {the words "secret collect!" appear on the screen}

{Cut back to Compy 386} Ooh! Ooh! I could also be in one of those 3-D vector games {cut to screen of said game; SB continues as voice-over}, and there'd be this awesome, huge, 3-D version of my head floatin' around. Like, it looks so awesome, girls would probably try to make out with the screen {faint lipstick appears on the screen}, and we'd have to program it to be like:


STRONG BAD: {voice-over} And in this one, the player wouldn't control me...

{shaking camera} 'CUZ YOU CAN'T CONTROL ME!!!

{voice-over} Instead, he'd be some kinda 3-D shield guy with a shield... Some kind of spikey-headed 3-D cyber-shield guy... with a cyber-shield. And he'd have to block my perplexing geometric attacks, or face certain 3-D doom!


STRONG BAD: Naturally, there'd be some problems with the bad translation.

{Cut back to Compy 386} On the other hand, it might be cool to be in one of those text-based adventures. You know, for those intellectual people with better imaginations.

It'd be like...

Ye find yeself in yon dungeon. Ye see a FLASK. Obvious exits are NORTH, SOUTH, and {pause} DENNIS.

And you'd be all like...

>Get ye flask.

And it'd say,

You can't get ye flask!

And you'd just have to sit there and imagine why on Earth you can't get ye flask! Because the game's certainly not going to tell you.

{At this the screen reads "I'm certainly not gonna tell thou."}
And there's no precious graphics to help you out, either.
{At this the screen reads "Graphics, shmaphics..." and a few seconds later, "...forsooth!}

But oh, man. The best thing ever would be if I was in one of those brand new super-photorealistic games that take like tons of migs and megs of memories just to play it.

{Cut to 2-D action game, with bad 16-bit style graphics} I'd look super-cool, runnin' around on some grass, maybe. Or there'd be like, um.. a rhino there too. {A rhino falls down from the sky} A hungry rhino! {food bowl appears in front of it} And I'd have to, I guess... feed him. {"Strong Bad" brings food to the rhino} And, umm... snakes? {snakes pop up}}

{Cut back to Compy 386} So hopefully one day technology will catch up with my advanced thinking, so all the ladies can start making out with their TV screens.

Until next time, Taylor, this one's for you, and all my peoples got sent up the river. {Pours his Cold One on the floor}

{The Paper}

After a while, the four games appear in their boxes and you can play any of them.