STRONG BAD: {singing} Everybody love this, everybody needs this, it's time for funny stuff.
{reading, in a Teen Girl Squad voice} Dear strong bad, you are the coolest...
{stops reading, clears throat} Oh! Excuse me.
{reading} Dear strong bad, you are the coolest, any way onto buisness.
{pronounces just like it is misspelled} i think that you should make your own theme park.
{Sighs upon seeing that the email was signed "crapfully crap," and instead says} Sincerely yours,
Rafael FL.
{says Football League}
{typing} Well, Rafi, being the distinguished buisnessman
{continues with the misspelling used earlier} that I am, I've had a theme park in development for quite some time now. Almost as long as I've been growin' this mustache.
{A 10,000x magnification of Strong Bad's upper lip appears, showing a growth of one hair.}
Anyways, it'd be called
{cut to view of a theme park by the Stop Sign and Cinder Block}
Strong Bad's Mount RIDESPLACE! USA
{As this is said, the appropriate words flash on the screen above the view of the theme park.}
And it will have more rides than you or your grandmother can handle.
{As this is said, the words "More Rides Than You Or Your Grandmother Can Handle!*" appear along with a "*please do not bring your grandmother" disclaimer on the bottom.}
Of course, our flagship rollercoaster would be
{cut to view of the rollercoaster}
The Bowels of Trogdor!!
{pan out to see that The King of Town is riding the rollercoaster and screaming} Which would like whip you around and around until you either throw up or catch fire somehow.
{The King of Town catches fire somehow}
{Cut to Strong Bad and The Cheat and the entrance to the ride. A Trogdor sign is there that says "Peasants must be as tall as my beefy arm to ride this ride." The Cheat is clearly not tall enough.}
Sorry little guy, I can't do nothing for you.
{The Cheat puts on a top hat} Maybe you better head over to Sweet Cuppin' Cakes Land instead.
THE CHEAT: {Makes a thoroughly disappointed noise}
{cut to Strong Sad standing on a stage}
STRONG BAD: And every hour, at the main stage, there'd be a performance of The Strong Sad Gets Decked Repeatedly Stunt Spook-tacular.
{A banner lowers behind Strong Sad that says "The Strong Sad Gets Decked Repeatedly Stunt SPOOK-tacular!!" Strong Sad is wearing a witch's hat. Strong Mad comes from stage right to flying tackle Strong sad.}
STRONG MAD: MAUHHH!
STRONG SAD: Oh!
{Strong Sad climbs back up on the stage. Strong Mad comes from stage left this time to flying tackle Strong Sad again.}
STRONG MAD: MAUHHH!
STRONG SAD: Oh!
{cut to Strong Bad behind a table with a layout of the theme park on it}
STRONG BAD: To make sure you don't have any money left when you leave,
{the words "not to scale" appear with an arrow pointing at the layout} there'd be more games than you or your grandfather could handle.
{cut to Bubs working the "Throw Game"}
You know, the ones where you throw hoops or rings or baseballs at different stuff and try to win cheap generic stuffed animal versions of ten-year-old cartoons.
{During this voice over, PomPom plays the "Throw Game" while Bubs looks on. PomPom successfully gets all three rings that he tosses around the "xtra cold one" bottle.}
{Strong Bad's arm appears, holding up a cheap stuffed animal}
Like this Bubs with a horn.
BUBS: No, no, no. You gotta get those rings
inside the bottle.
POMPOM: {makes bubble noises}
{PomPom picks up a baseball and throws it at the bottle in frustration.}
{cut back to Strong Bad behind the layout of the park}
STRONG BAD: No theme park would be complete without a bunch of costumed mascots running around antic-ing...
{scratches head} antique-ing... whatever.
{Cut to view of an area behind some fencing. The King of Town still rides "The Bowels of Trogdor!!" in the distance.}
You know, there'd be one of the Stop Sign,
{Coach Z appears wearing a costume that has a cartoonish looking Stop Sign design}
call him "Stoppy, Stoppy the sign" and then there'd be the tire...
{Homestar appears wearing a costume that has a very cartoonish looking Tire design}
call him "Poppy the tire"... And who could forget "General Tao's Chicken"
{A carton of what could only be General Tao's Chicken falls from the sky. It has "Ryan S." written on the side. Homsar's feet appear beneath it.}
HOMESTAR: Hey, Stoppy, is your suit chafing you like crazy?
COACH Z: Well, to tell ya da truth dere Poppy, I've always enjoyed a good chafe.
HOMSAR: AaAaAaAaA! It's time for tasteball.
HOMESTAR: Oh crap! It's tasteball already?
{cut to Strong Bad back at the compy}
STRONG BAD: {typing} But yeah, it's a pretty unrealistic vision. I'm gonna have to start robbing WAY more hot actresses if I ever hope to make that dream a reality. But for now, I'll settle for giving tours on The Strong Badian Riverquest Safariventure.
{He gets up. Cut to Strong Bad standing in a box in Strongbadia. He holds some sort of microphone.}
{He makes a squelch-type noise and speaks in a theme-park tour-guide-styled monotone voice} Good afternoon ladies and gentlemen my name is Strong Bad and welcome to The Strong Badian Riverquest Safariventure.
{He makes a squelch-type noise again}
{Cut to wide view of Strong Bad standing in a box labeled "riverquest safariventure". Homestar sits in front of him in the box. To the left is a running hose. The water from the hose forms a puddle around the box.}
{squelch} Please keep your arms legs and valuables inside the vehicle at all times and get ready to experience the fury of The Strong Badian Riverboat Superfun... ride.
{squelch}
{The Paper comes down}
{after a pause}
{squelch} And first up on our tour if you look to your right
{Homestar looks to his right} experience the fury of
{cut to wider view} a big rock that is going to fall on uuuus.
{An obviously fake rock pops up behind the fence, mounted on a stick.}
HOMESTAR: Ooooh.
{The rock goes back down behind the fence.}
STRONG BAD: That was a close call, I hope everyone is okaaaay.
HOMESTAR: I'm not ok--
STRONG BAD: {squelch} Shut up.
{squelch}
{cut to closeup of Strong Bad}
{squelch} And if you look up the river here comes another one of our tour guides his name is The Cheat
{Cut to wide view again. The Cheat walks by in his own box, which is labeled "R.Q. 2".} everybody say "Hi, The Cheeeeat."
HOMESTAR: Hide and seek.
{Some drum sounds can be heard}
STRONG BAD: {squelch} Oh what's that I hear is it the sound of island drums? Oh no it's headhunteeerrrs.
{The cardboard cutout of a bear holding a shark, posing as a "headhunter," pops up from behind the fence.} {squelch} Everyone stay in the boat, I'll take care of thiiis.
{squelch}
{Strong Bad pulls out a revolver, and turns his head away as he fires up into the air twice. The cutout goes back down behind the fence.}
{squelch} Looks like we scared those headhunters. Let's hope they don't come baaack.
{squelch}
{cut to closeup of Strong Bad again}
{squelch} Well folks we've made it back safely did everyone have a good time?
HOMESTAR: Not really.
{Strong Bad continues to talk while Homestar answers.}
STRONG BAD: Goooood. Please leave you valuables under your seat and exit to your riiiight.
{squelch}
{cut to wide view again}
HOMESTAR: Strong Bad, I gotta level with ya. That might have been the worst three thousand dollars I ever spent.
{The Paper comes down again}
{after a pause}
STRONG BAD: {squelch} Don't forget to experience the fury of our gift shooop.
{squelch}