STRONG BAD: ONE TWO THREE FOUR
{starts singing hard rock with instruments in the background} EMAIL IS AWESOME, EMAIL IS WEIRD, EMAIL IS AWESOME AND EMAIL IS WEIRD! And I'll never forget the way it was, GRRRL!
{Starts reading. However, the text is in the style of Tandy, and it is in fact the very first e-mail he's ever done.}
Dear Strong Bad,
Do you take your wrestling mask and boxing gloves off before you go to
{stops reading} dajede...wait a minute!
{hits Compy, the text fixes itself to be a new email} There we go!
{reading}
Hey there, Strong Bad!
I was wondering. How long have you known Homestar? Is there some sort of flashback that could describe how and when you guys met?
Your Fan,
Jon, NH
{Strong Bad says "No Hamsters"}
{typing} Oh, I got flashbacks alright, Jon. I'm like, Discount Flashback Warehouse over here. But this particular flashback has way too much historical significance to be shown in anything but WIDESCREEEEEEEEEEEEN. Left side: WOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAH!
{As he says this with a resonating noise, the left side of the screen expands out. His next one he doesn't type.} Right side: WOOOOOAHH--
{the right side of the screen expands out to show Homestar standing there} wha-uh, what are you doin' over there?
HOMESTAR RUNNER: Oh, I'm pretty much here every week. It's just that usually I'm behind the black.
STRONG BAD: I guess I should start... lookin' to the right more often.
HOMESTAR RUNNER: In fact, I think I might live here.
STRONG BAD: I don't think so. If you lived here, you'd have less non-broken bones. And more crushed spirits.
HOMESTAR RUNNER:
{looking dejected} Yes sir.
STRONG BAD: Frame shift left! WOOOOOAAHHH!
{the screen starts shifting left to get Homestar out of the shot}
HOMESTAR RUNNER: See ya after the flashback!
{We go to a picture of Strong Bad on the moon with a tennis racket. The drawing is in the style of the original children's book and we see that it's just a parody of that style. Although, the characters are still somewhat animated. Strong Bad doesn't read every little piece of text, so the text that's there that he doesn't read will be included in a parenthetical when it occurs}
STRONG BAD: Strong Bad meets the Homestar Runner.
{turns the page to a picture of just Strong Bad}
Everyone loves Strong Bad. He is an okay guy.
(turns the page to a picture of Strong Bad and Coach Z playing tennis on the moon}
One day Strong Bad was finishing up a game of tennis on the moon with his pal, the Coach Z. He won 1,000,000 to 3. "You see, 3 is clearly a smaller number than a million," said Strong Bad. "Ooooooh. Now I understand."
{turn the page to them flying down a rainbow from the moon to earth}
They flew on a sweet, sweet rainbow bridge back down to Free Country USA.
{turn the page to Coach Z holding a towel and talking to Strong Bad}
"I'ma go shower up!" said the Coach Z. "Gross!" said Strong Bad. "Shut up!"
{turn the page to see Strong Bad walking toward a giant pink egg with yellow spots}
Walking home, Strong Bad came upon a big ol' egg. "Waaaaaaaaagh!"
{turn the page to a closer view of Strong Bad and the egg}
"Waaagh. I wonder what's inside," thought tiny-handed Strong Bad.
{turn the page to see Homestar behind the egg wearing a yellow shirt with a duck on it}
"Hello! How do you like my egg, Mr. Strong Bad?" said a voice from behind. "Who the crap are you, Duckshirt?" asked No-shirt. "I'm The Homestar Runner!" said the duckshirt. "Some folk say I'm a terrific athlete."
{turn the page to a closer view of the scene}
"Well I folk say you're a terrific liar!"
{said Strong Bad.} "This is plainly my egg.
{in a King of Town voice} "What's all the commotion about?"
{turn the page to zoom out to see the Prince of Town looking at Strong Bad and Homestar}
...said the svelt, young Prince of Town. "And who's this weirdo in the duckie shirt?" "I'm The Homestar Runner! Some folk say I'm a terrific
{athelete!" said Duckshirt.} "Prancibald over here says this egg belongs to him, when I found it first."
{turn the page to a closeup of the Prince of Town}
"We'll settle this with a ten-step footrace."
{turn the page to see a bunch of the gang, including some characters from the original children's book, watching Strong Bad and Homestar at the start line of a race}
And so they all gathered for a ten-step footrace. The slim and trim young Prince of Town explained the rules.
{a piece of paper shows up reading: "Ten-step Footrace Official Rules. Rule One. Whoever goes the most distance in ten steps, will be the winner! Rule Two. No biting."} "Whoever goes the most distance in ten steps, will be the winner!"
{turn the page to see Strong Bad and Homestar at the line and Marzipan giving the startoff.}
"Ready-and-set-and-go-now."
{they start running, with Homestar counting} "One, two, three, four, five, six..."
{Strong Bad has tiny steps and is way behind} "Keep up the pace. Gotta break 4:40"
{turn the page to see silhouettes of everyone, and Homestar has reached the end}
"Ten!" "And the Duckie-man is the winner. Loser gets the egg."
{turn the page to see Homestar up front and Strong Bad in the distance with the egg}
"WHAAAAT??!!?&,:;%${}" "Hooray a-for me!!"
{turn the page to see Strong Mad holding the egg over his head while Strong Bad watches}
And so Strong Mad helped to break open the egg.
{Strong Mad tosses the egg}
{turn the page to see the egg broke and a bunch of fishsticks pour out}
And out poured a lifetime supply of fishsticks. And a The Cheat!!!!
{The Cheat springs out of the egg, turn the page to give him his very own page. Turn the page again to see Strong Bad and the Cheat with the egg in the background.}
"Awesome! My very own The Cheat!"
{turn the page to see everyone hanging out by a jukebox}
And so, The Cheat mashed play on an extremely expensive jambox with high-speed dubbing and everybody put their weight on it!
{The Cheat plays music which happens to be the original intro music for H*R.com, and everyone dances)
{cut back to Strong Bad sitting at the stool, talking to Homestar, who's sitting on the ground listening to the tale}
So that's pretty much how it all went down, huh?
HOMESTAR RUNNER: Oh yes. Read me another one! Another one!
STRONG BAD: Ohhhhh, very well. This one's called The Homestar Runner Gets Something Stuck In His Craw
{Strong Bad pulls out a children's book of the same name. Compy beeps and turns blue with the caption "Congratulations! You have answered 100 emails." and ascii fireworks.} What the--whoah! Would ya look at that! 100 emails. I had no idea! I lost count around 51. Well, I suppose I should do something to celebrate...ooh! I'll say email 100 times!
{proceeds to say email 100 times, the paper comes down}
Oo. I'm pa-I'm parched.
{wheezes} I need a glass of water.
{the screen creates a glass of water onscreen}