{We begin with a newspaper background with a balding man in front of it.}

VOICEOVER: ERHT! {buzzing noise}

{NOT APPROVED flashes across the screen and the old man sighs and frowns}

VOICEOVER: Are you having a problem buying a home {thought bubble appears with a blue house in it} or something {another thought bubble appears with a bitten poptart}? Fret no more!

{cut to Senor Cardgage}

SENOR CARDGAGE: Hi there Belindas. I'm Senor Cardgage for Senor Cardgage Mort-gage. {logo appears for senor cardgage mortgage} We can help you get a leg up on the pile! Low rates, percent signs... I dunno... {as Senor Cardgage says this, the words "low rates" and a bunch of percent signs fall from the logo}

VOICEOVER: Bad credit? {the words "BAD CREDIT" appear on the screen, with a frowning face in the A, a thumbs-down in the D of CREDIT, and a blue background with the word "YES!" repeated. The thumbs-down grows larger and changes to a thumbs-up, and the background changes to yellow with the word "YUP!"}

SENOR CARDGAGE: No probalo! {the words "NO PROBALO!" appear in the thumbs-up}

{Cut back to Senor Cardgage in the office.}

SENOR CARDGAGE: Home Lawn, Escrow, Re-Financin' {these words appear in boxes coming out of Senor Cardgage's mouth} -- you name it, we've got it! Come along down for a free canceltation {the words "FREE CANCELTATION" flash for a few seconds} with one of our handsome talking experts {points to empty chair behind him} One o' them said they'd buy me lunch. But I don't see nobody taking me to Chick Fil-A.

{Cut to Visor Robot with a caption that says "Not a Robot!"}

VISOR ROBOT {in a robotic voice}: Senor Cardgage Mort-gage helped consolidate my whole life into this tiny box. Thanks Senor Mort-gage!

{back to Senor Cardgage}

SENOR CARDGAGE: You're every welcome Valerie. Act now {the words "ACT NOW!" flash on the screen} and see if you can stand to talk to me for more than four seconds!

{A countdown appears on screen, counting down from four seconds}

JINGLE SINGERS: Get a leg up on the pile and refinance your dreams! {the words appear on the screen} Come along down and dial {as they sing, the phone number 555-55-55855-55-5-SENOR-MORT-GAGE-TODAY appears on the screen, and the bald guy dances} five five five five five five five eight five five