I know there technically isn't a transcript for this, since there are no spoken lines... but I figured it would be good to have all the different versions of the cartoon written out. So there!

For each stack of film reels, number 1 is the reel on top of the stack, 2 is the one below it, and so on and so forth. I tried to go left to right with the stacks.

And so, without further ado...


The song "The Entertainer" plays throughout each of the toons. Each one starts out the same way. There's a countdown and then a title screen that reads:

The Homestar Runner
A "Cartoon" for Kids

'Kick the Can'
copyright 1933
Free Country USA

Then the cartoon starts, with The Homestar Runner kicking a soup can along the ground. Then he stops... and what happens from there depends on which film reel you clicked. If you scroll over this, his head sinks into his body and his body falls down over his legs. Then his head and legs sprout out of the can.

Left Stack
  1. His head pops off, and he kicks the can up into his body. His head comes back down and squashes his body so that he's just his head and legs. He kicks his legs about frantically.
  2. His head pops off, and he kicks the can up into his body. His head comes back down and disappears into his body, and a big can pops up in where his head should be.
  3. Same as before with the head, only it lands on his body and then he shoots fire from his mouth.
  4. Same deal with his head. It lands on his body, and then his legs bend backwards.
  5. He kicks the can into the chimney of a nearby factory. He runs into and through the factory, and then pops up outside with the can in his mouth.

Stack of 2
  1. He gets hit in the back of the head with a cinder block, falling down with his head propped up on the can. He catches the block on his foot and then falls asleep.
  2. A huge can comes up from behind and kicks Homestar away.

Tall Stack (Back Right)
  1. His head hinges backwards, and he kicks the can up into his body again. His body then swings upwards and reattaches to his head, and he flies offscreen.
  2. He kicks the can and it bounces all around the screen, landing in his mouth. The star on his shirt burns away and is replaced with "herbert hoover?"
  3. The Strong Bad pops out of the can, and then his head disappears. The Homestar Runner jumps into the can, which Strong Bad puts in place of his head.
  4. He stands atop the can on one foot. Then, at the very end, his body starts spinning around.
  5. This one is titled "Kick that Can." The can spins around on the ground after Homestar stops. He looks down at it, and then a pile of cinder blocks falls on him. The can pops out and continues spinning.

Short Stack (Front Right)
  1. His head pops off and he kicks the can up into his body again. When his head comes back down, the can pops out his butt. He looks at it and runs away.
  2. Again with his head popping off. It lands upside down, and a face appears on his neck and says "gosh!"
  3. He kicks the can into his mouth. His body unhinges from his head and a bunch of cans fall out. His body reattaches, and then rockets away.