WELCOME!! You found the secret... th-thing.

I'll translate the haircut email from English>German>English. First English. Then German. (I'm using a translator.)

Normal English:

Strong Bad: Man, if I had a nickel for every email I get, I would throw them at people in the food court. From that railing, like up above.

{Starts reading}

Da da da, Dear Strong Bad,
Dude, who cuts your hair? It's sooo coull. {pronounces it just like it is spelled} I can't decide what to do with mine, any suggestions?
Harry Earlemacherg {says "ergonomics"} Düsseldorf.

{typing} I got no hair, Düssledörk, so I'm gonna have to reach on this one. Now who's got hair around here?

{Cut to Strong Bad and Marzipan by the gazebo. Strong bad is holding scissors.}

Marzipan: You've got to be kidding me.

{Cut to Strong Bad and The Poopsmith in the field. The Poopsmith points to one of his hairs.}

Strong Bad: Uh... never mind.

{Cut to Strong Bad and Marzipan by the gazebo again.}

Marzipan: I'm growing it out for charity.

{Cut to Strong Bad and The Kind of Town by the castle.}

The King of Town: Nobody touches the 'stache.

{Cut to close up of Homestar. He's got an angry look on his face.}

Homestar: N O spells no.

{Fade back to show that Homestar is off by himself, talking to no one, while Strong Bad and the King of Town are in the background.}

Strong Bad: I didn't even ask you, Baldy!

{Homestar looks shocked. Cut to Strong Bad and Marzipan by the gazebo again.}

Marzipan: This is a weave.

{Cut back to Strong bad at the Compy.}

Strong Bad: {typing} Sorry Ger-man. Looks like I can't practice my barber wizardry, or barbzerdry as I call it, on anybody around here. So, I guess you're on your own. I ghe

{Widen to show Strong Mad standing next to Strong Bad. Strong Mad has a box.}

Strong Mad: MAKE IT DANCE! MAKE IT PRANCE!!!

Strong Bad: Uh, I'll make that cardboard box dance and prance later, big guy. I'm in the middle of...

{Zoom in on Strong Mad's eye brows.}

Ah ha! Pay dirt!

{A camera flash goes off and the screen goes white. Fade back to Strong Bad at the Compy. An instant camera type photo of Strong Mad is taped to Compy. It develops as Strong Bad talks.}

Okay, now that I have Strong Mad's image... um... scanned in to the computer, I'll use my cutting arts, state of the edge technology to simulate different hairstyles. On his eyebrows. I'll just get out my "LIGHT PEN" here.

{Strong Bad's hand comes up. He has a marker and starts to draw on the picture.}

First, for the Strong Mad who's out on the prowl, no woman can resist the distinguished grace of what I like to call: The "Gentleman Caller".

{Draws Gentleman like eyebrows. "Gentleman Caller" flashes on the screen.}

Or,

{Wipes picture clean. We zoom in a bit on the picture.}

Experience the lightning brows of "Jagged Metal".

{Draws lightning type eyebrows. "Jagged Metal" flashes on the screen.}

Oh, and he's definitely going to need a guitar.

{Draws a guitar. It ends up in the middle of Strong Mad's face.}

Strong Mad: NO, I DON'T WANT TO EAT A GUITAR!

Strong Bad: You're not eating it... you're shredding some hot lixxs... with your teeth.

{Strong Bad makes a guitar noise as he draws a whammy bar on the guitar. He then wipes the picture clean.}

Or experience the urban flavor of: "Hammer Pants".

{He draws some funky eyebrows with a fade and adds a comic balloon pointing to Strong Mad's mouth that says "proper!". He then wipes the picture clean.}

And for the Strong Mad who's not so concerned with attracting ladies: "Big Ol' Eyebrows".

{He draws some big ol' eyebrows.}

I should probably go ahead and give him some missing teeth...

{Blackens Strong Mad's upper-right central incisor and upper-left cuspid.}

Acne...

{Draws spots on Strong Mad's face.}

One of them butt chins.

{Draws a butt chin.}

There we go. One hundred and ten percent lady-proof.

{He wipes the picture clean. He then draws a dog and a cat for eyebrows.}

"A Dog and Also a Cat Shaped Eyebrows."

{"A Dog and Also a Cat Shaped Eyebrows" flashes on the screen.}

And a couple of muskrats.

{He adds two muskrats. He then wipes the picture clean.}

And don't forget: the "Ready for Primetime".

{Draws a picture he clearly got carried away with. "Ready for Primetime" flashes on the screen.}

Which I admit I got a little carried away with.

Strong Mad: SWEETIE CAKES! SWEETIE CAKES!!!

Strong Bad: Sweetie cakes? What are you ta-- O-oh, yeah I guess it does look a little bit like one of them "Sweet Cuppin' Cakes" guys.

{Draws an "Eh! Steve" looking character.}

Eh! Greg.

{Wipes picture clean.}

{Strong Bad takes the picture down and starts typing.}

So that gives you a lot to choose from, Deutschman. I think you could easily apply all my eyebrow style to your {pauses} headbrow style. So good luck witchasself. I have to use my "LIGHT PEN" on napping Strong Sad. Prreeow.

{Strong Bad gets up and The Paper comes down.}


I'll do Ger-man one-at-a-thyme.

Stark Schlimm: Mann, wenn ich haben ein geld um jeder elektronik posts ich bekommen, ich mai werfen es auf leute auf diese nahrung gericht von eisenbahn wie oben über.