A Homestar Runner Cartoon

"The House That Gave Sucky Treats"

Voices by Matt Chapman & Missy Palmer

Written, Directed and Animated by Los Brothers Chaps

{Homestar's head pops up slowly}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Oh, hello. This year, we're going to do things a little differently. We're all coming to your house to trick or treat! So just answer the door, pick a treat, and drag it on top of us. We'll do the rest. Ok, bye!

COACH Z as Humpty Hump:

Intro- Doot-doo-doot-doo, and I'll drink up all the Hennessey ya got on your shelf, but first let me introduce myself. My name is Coach Z. Pronounced with an "Oach Z."

Jujyfruits- Ooh, Jorgyfruits! Oh I mean Jurjyfrorts. I mean GEOORGIEE FRORRGEEE. George Foreman?

Boston Baked Beans- Ya know, I once knew a fellow in Boston 'could tell ya the time of the day at any time of the day. Ya'd say, "Say there Boston, what's the time of day?" And he'd say, "10:30." And you'd look at him and say, "But Boston, it's half past noon!" And he'd look back at ya and say, "Well, those are the breaks."

Cherry Clan- Da Cherry Clan. Are they related to the Wu Tang Clan? 'Cause ya know, their first album was the baermb! In fact, you don't have a copy of The 36 Chambers in there, do ya? 'Cause I'd love to listen to it right now. Ya mind if I come in?

THE KING OF TOWN as Hagar the Horrible:

Intro- Trick or treat! I'm horrible! {Strong Bad says: You got that right!}

Butterscotch- Ooh, butterscotch! Would you mind melting those down and pouring them over a ham?

Fun size Butterfinger- That's it? Well, if you think that I'll accept this paltry treat just because it has "butter" in the name... well, you'd be right. Give it here.

Stick of Butter- Ooh, a stick of butter! (noisily scarfs the stick of butter) (still with butter in his mouth): Trick or treat. Again, please.

STRONG MAD as William "Refrigerator" Perry and THE CHEAT as Punchy:

Intro- The Cheat: Nahmah! Strong Mad: IS YOUR REFRIGERATOR PERRY RUNNING?
Gravel- Strong Mad: {staring at it, puzzled.} HALLOWEEN!

Pop Rocks- (The Cheat eats Pop Rocks, then takes a drink of cola. His head explodes.)

Rocks- (Strong Mad eats the rocks, then bites off half a can of cola. The Cheat's head explodes.)

MARZIPAN as Joey Ramone:

Intro- Hey, ho! Let's go! Hey, ho! Trick or treat!

Candy Corn- Candy corn!? Do you have any real corn? Or Indian corn?

Rice Cakes- Hey, rice cakes! I like to eat them without water.

Steak- Is this a joke? It's not funny. {Strong Bad drops three steaks into her bag}

THE POOPSMITH as Lazer Tag and POMPOM as Michael Moore:

They don't have an intro, as neither can really speak.

Mary Jane- They look at each other, then The Poopsmith holds up a sign that says "Give us something good instead". Pom Pom nods.

Chick-O-Stick- The Poopsmith dunks it in a bucket labelled "dippin stuff", which is looks suspiciously like excrement. He offeres it to Pom Pom, who shakes his head.

Astropop- The Poopsmith shoots his gun at Pom Pom's "I <3 Flint" button. The laser bounces off and hits The Poopsmith in the Lazer Tag chest sensor. He falls off the side of the steps.

Pumpkin- The classic Zelda "You found a secret!" music plays. The pumpkin is firmly lodged in The Poopsmith's mouth.

HOMSAR as Wimpy: {Easter egg. Only accessible if you give The Poopsmith and Pom Pom the pumpkin.}

("You unlocked a secret character!" is displayed on the door.)

Intro- I'll gladly pay you Tuesday for some candy today!

Shavin' Creem- Yaaah, I'm the original ladies' man!

Black and Orange Candies- If you give me a treat, make sure that it's sweet, and I'll eeeeeat it!

Wrench- Oh no, I think this is my favorite!

STRONG BAD as Carmen Sandiego:

"Open the freakin' door!"

Intro- Where in the world is my candy?

Fun Size Butterfinger- Oh, a "fun size" candy bar? Tell me this: what's fun about eating less candy? Maybe if you gave me an entire bag of them it would be fun. The only fun I'm going to have with this thing is smearing it all over your door when I leave. (If you choose this, check the door when Strong Sad shows up!)

Marshmallow Bunny- Why you lazy crap for crap. All you've got is old freakin Easter candy? This thing's rock hard, man. Well, you just made it onto my "People I gotta egg today" list.

Apple- What is this crap? What are you, a dentist? Or a hippie? Or some kind of hippie dentist?!

STRONG SAD as Andy Warhol:

Intro- Trick or treat, I guess...

Necco candy wafers- Oh, Necco Wafers. These remind me when I used to eat the colored chalk when I was in school. I was sick for a year and nearly died.

Baking Chocolate- Oh! Baking Chocolate! I used to eat this stuff when there was no chocolate in the house. And now... it's my only friend...

Campbell's Soup- Oh. Well, I do appreciate the relevance of this, given my costume, but I was kind of hoping for something that I wouldn't have to prepare. You know, like Necco Wafers or baking chocolate...

BUBS as Mars Blackman:

Intro- Please baby, please baby, baby baby please. Give me some candy!

Mallo Cup- I got a shallow gup and a callow dup, somebody give me dat Mallow Cup.

Dum-Dums- Oh! I'm such a big dum-diddy-dum-diddy-diddy-diddy-dum-dum...my.

Bazooka Gum- I never understand the comics that come in this bubble gum. I mean, the first frame is some guy saying, "Look out, the sky is falling!". And the second frame is some guy getting hit on the head with a rock. And I'm sitting there going, "What the heck just happened?", and before I know it, I swallowed my bubble gum!

HOMESTAR RUNNER as The Greatest American Hero: (knocks incessantly until you open the door)

Intro- {singing} Believe it or not, I'm walkin' around, I never thought I could trick or tre-e-eat!

Smarties- All wight, Smarties! Marzipan said to eat lots of these this year. I'm not really sure why she said that though. Umm....... trick or treat!

Circus Peanuts- (Dances and sings a circus theme.) (You close the door, but the doorbell rings. Homestar is still dancing.)

Handful of Change- Oh. A handful of change. I guess I can use this to go, uh, buy some candy. So...thank you for adding a step to my Halloween process.

Later that Night...

"Vote for your favorite costume!!" is written at the top. The whole gang is standing around in their costumes. Run your cursor over each to see a caption (shown here in parentheses after the character's name). If you click on one to vote for, an email is started to ween@homestarrunner.com, with a different subject line and text for each character:

The Poopsmith (Lazer Tag):
Subject: Teddy Poopspin
Text: I Choose YOU, Poopachu

The King of Town (Hagar The Horrible):
Subject: King of Town, Now Sit Down
Text: I Choose YOU, Kingachu

Strong Mad (The Fridge):
Subject: Strong Madden Football 99
Text: I Choose YOU, Strong Madchu

Coach Z (Humpty Hump):
Subject: 1 2 3 Coach Z
Text: I Choose YOU, Coach Zchu

PomPom (Michael Moore):
Subject: Pom Pom for Prez
Text: I Choose YOU, Pom Pomchu

Bubs (Mars Blackman):
Subject: Bubs has got it goin ON
Text: I Choose YOU, Bubsachu

Strong Bad (Carmen San Diego):
Subject: Why do you keep dressing up as girls
Text: I Choose YOU, Strong Badchu

The Cheat (Punchy):
Subject: How bout a nice Hawaiian Cheat
Text: I Choose YOU, Cheatachu

Homestar Runner (The Greatest American Hero):
Subject: Homestar Riggidy Riggidy Runner
Text: I Choose YOU, Homestarchu

Homsar (Wimpy):
Subject: Homsar Salad Sandwich
Text: I Choose YOU, Homsarchu

Marzipan (Joey Ramone):
Subject: Marzipan is a Laugh Riot Grrl
Text: I Choose YOU, Marzychu

Strong Sad (Andy Warhol):
Subject: A vote for Strong Sad is a vote for America
Text: I Choose YOU, Strong Sadchu

The discussion:

HOMESTAR: Hey Strong Bad, I really like your costume. The Spanish Inquisition...that's great.

STRONG BAD: Look, for the last time, I'm not The Spanish Inquisition, I'm not Cab Calloway, and I'm not Strong Bad wearing a yellow turtleneck! I'm Carmen freakin' Sandiego!

MARZIPAN: I like Cab Calloway.

STRONG BAD: Okay, Poopsmith, that's the worst costume I ever saw. I mean, you're Lazer Tag? What, are you supposed to be dressed up as the product or is it more abstract than that, like you're supposed to be the concept of Lazer Tag? Come on man, you know you just found that old crap in a trunk in your basement.

THE KING OF TOWN: Ease off, Strong Bad. He's not the guy that dressed up as a girl two years in a row!

STRONG BAD: Oh ho ho ho, you asked for it, King. {Strong Mad punches The King of Town}

BUBS: Did any of you guys go to that house that was givin' out change? I changed my costume and went back ten times! I made 35 dollars!

STRONG SAD: Did you guys go to that house where they let you into this big room and there's all these people wearing black hoods and they ask you these questions about life and existence and if you answer them wrong you get eternal damnation, but if you answer them right you get a Twizzler?

STRONG BAD: Um...no.




BUBS: Nope.



STRONG SAD: Oh. Never mind.

MARZIPAN: I like your costume, Strong Sad, but you weren't invited this year.

COACH Z: Say, Pom Pom, check out this funky bass groove! A doo'rear, a doo'ri, a doo'rear, a doo'ri! {Grooves around a little}

HOMESTAR: Have they voted yet? I really have to pee.

STRONG BAD: Yeah, and the Poopsmith's not smelling any rosier, either.

HOMESTAR: Oh, oh! I've got an idea. Let's totally freak 'em out. Let's repeat the stuff that we just saaaaid!

{loops back to the start of the discussion}

Transcribed by Pomx2 and Krem and ThanatosAnemos and "Douglas"