STRONG BAD: {singing} Everybody love this, everybody needs this, it's time for funny stuff.

{reading, in a Teen Girl Squad voice} Dear strong bad, you are the coolest... {stops reading, clears throat} Oh! Excuse me.

{reading} Dear strong bad, you are the coolest, any way onto buisness. {pronounces just like it is misspelled} i think that you should make your own theme park.

{Sighs upon seeing that the email was signed "crapfully crap," and instead says} Sincerely yours,
Rafael FL.{says Football League}

{typing} Well, Rafi, being the distinguished buisnessman {continues with the misspelling used earlier} that I am, I've had a theme park in development for quite some time now. Almost as long as I've been growin' this mustache.

{A 10,000x magnification of Strong Bad's upper lip appears, showing a growth of one hair.}

Anyways, it'd be called

{cut to view of a theme park by the Stop Sign and Cinder Block}

Strong Bad's Mount RIDESPLACE! USA

{As this is said, the appropriate words flash on the screen above the view of the theme park.}

And it will have more rides than you or your grandmother can handle.

{As this is said, the words "More Rides Than You Or Your Grandmother Can Handle!*" appear along with a "*please do not bring your grandmother" disclaimer on the bottom.}

Of course, our flagship rollercoaster would be

{cut to view of the rollercoaster}

The Bowels of Trogdor!! {pan out to see that The King of Town is riding the rollercoaster and screaming} Which would like whip you around and around until you either throw up or catch fire somehow. {The King of Town catches fire somehow}

{Cut to Strong Bad and The Cheat and the entrance to the ride. A Trogdor sign is there that says "Peasants must be as tall as my beefy arm to ride this ride." The Cheat is clearly not tall enough.}

Sorry little guy, I can't do nothing for you. {The Cheat puts on a top hat} Maybe you better head over to Sweet Cuppin' Cakes Land instead.

THE CHEAT: {Makes a thoroughly disappointed noise}

{cut to Strong Sad standing on a stage}

STRONG BAD: And every hour, at the main stage, there'd be a performance of The Strong Sad Gets Decked Repeatedly Stunt Spook-tacular.

{A banner lowers behind Strong Sad that says "The Strong Sad Gets Decked Repeatedly Stunt SPOOK-tacular!!" Strong Sad is wearing a witch's hat. Strong Mad comes from stage right to flying tackle Strong sad.}



{Strong Sad climbs back up on the stage. Strong Mad comes from stage left this time to flying tackle Strong Sad again.}



{cut to Strong Bad behind a table with a layout of the theme park on it}

STRONG BAD: To make sure you don't have any money left when you leave, {the words "not to scale" appear with an arrow pointing at the layout} there'd be more games than you or your grandfather could handle.

{cut to Bubs working the "Throw Game"}

You know, the ones where you throw hoops or rings or baseballs at different stuff and try to win cheap generic stuffed animal versions of ten-year-old cartoons.

{During this voice over, PomPom plays the "Throw Game" while Bubs looks on. PomPom successfully gets all three rings that he tosses around the "xtra cold one" bottle.}

{Strong Bad's arm appears, holding up a cheap stuffed animal}

Like this Bubs with a horn.

BUBS: No, no, no. You gotta get those rings inside the bottle.

POMPOM: {makes bubble noises}

{PomPom picks up a baseball and throws it at the bottle in frustration.}

{cut back to Strong Bad behind the layout of the park}

STRONG BAD: No theme park would be complete without a bunch of costumed mascots running around antic-ing... {scratches head} antique-ing... whatever.

{Cut to view of an area behind some fencing. The King of Town still rides "The Bowels of Trogdor!!" in the distance.}

You know, there'd be one of the Stop Sign,

{Coach Z appears wearing a costume that has a cartoonish looking Stop Sign design}

call him "Stoppy, Stoppy the sign" and then there'd be the tire...

{Homestar appears wearing a costume that has a very cartoonish looking Tire design}

call him "Poppy the tire"... And who could forget "General Tao's Chicken"

{A carton of what could only be General Tao's Chicken falls from the sky. It has "Ryan S." written on the side. Homsar's feet appear beneath it.}

HOMESTAR: Hey, Stoppy, is your suit chafing you like crazy?

COACH Z: Well, to tell ya da truth dere Poppy, I've always enjoyed a good chafe.

HOMSAR: AaAaAaAaA! It's time for tasteball.

HOMESTAR: Oh crap! It's tasteball already?

{cut to Strong Bad back at the compy}

STRONG BAD: {typing} But yeah, it's a pretty unrealistic vision. I'm gonna have to start robbing WAY more hot actresses if I ever hope to make that dream a reality. But for now, I'll settle for giving tours on The Strong Badian Riverquest Safariventure.

{He gets up. Cut to Strong Bad standing in a box in Strongbadia. He holds some sort of microphone.}

{He makes a squelch-type noise and speaks in a theme-park tour-guide-styled monotone voice} Good afternoon ladies and gentlemen my name is Strong Bad and welcome to The Strong Badian Riverquest Safariventure. {He makes a squelch-type noise again}

{Cut to wide view of Strong Bad standing in a box labeled "riverquest safariventure". Homestar sits in front of him in the box. To the left is a running hose. The water from the hose forms a puddle around the box.}

{squelch} Please keep your arms legs and valuables inside the vehicle at all times and get ready to experience the fury of The Strong Badian Riverboat Superfun... ride. {squelch}

{The Paper comes down}

{after a pause}

{squelch} And first up on our tour if you look to your right {Homestar looks to his right} experience the fury of {cut to wider view} a big rock that is going to fall on uuuus. {An obviously fake rock pops up behind the fence, mounted on a stick.}

HOMESTAR: Ooooh. {The rock goes back down behind the fence.}

STRONG BAD: That was a close call, I hope everyone is okaaaay.

HOMESTAR: I'm not ok--

STRONG BAD: {squelch} Shut up. {squelch}

{cut to closeup of Strong Bad}

{squelch} And if you look up the river here comes another one of our tour guides his name is The Cheat {Cut to wide view again. The Cheat walks by in his own box, which is labeled "R.Q. 2".} everybody say "Hi, The Cheeeeat."

HOMESTAR: Hide and seek.

{Some drum sounds can be heard}

STRONG BAD: {squelch} Oh what's that I hear is it the sound of island drums? Oh no it's headhunteeerrrs. {The cardboard cutout of a bear holding a shark, posing as a "headhunter," pops up from behind the fence.} {squelch} Everyone stay in the boat, I'll take care of thiiis. {squelch}

{Strong Bad pulls out a revolver, and turns his head away as he fires up into the air twice. The cutout goes back down behind the fence.}

{squelch} Looks like we scared those headhunters. Let's hope they don't come baaack. {squelch}

{cut to closeup of Strong Bad again}

{squelch} Well folks we've made it back safely did everyone have a good time?

HOMESTAR: Not really.

{Strong Bad continues to talk while Homestar answers.}

STRONG BAD: Goooood. Please leave you valuables under your seat and exit to your riiiight. {squelch}

{cut to wide view again}

HOMESTAR: Strong Bad, I gotta level with ya. That might have been the worst three thousand dollars I ever spent.

{The Paper comes down again}

{after a pause}

STRONG BAD: {squelch} Don't forget to experience the fury of our gift shooop. {squelch}