STRONG BAD: Thanks for choosing Strong Bad Email. Would you like to try a combo meal?

{Reading email} Hey Strong Bad,

Dude, I was just thinkin and wonderin what it would be like if you weren't the stylish, buff, handsome man in a wrestling mask that you are.

Your devoted fan,

Jordan {He pronounces it Jor-dan.}

STRONG BAD: {typing email} So you mean, like, what would it be like if I was an ugly dumpy guy with a beer belly and a comb-over? I'd still probably be the coolest guy in the world, just a different kind of cool. More of a "I'm so cool, you don't even know I'm cool" kind of cool. Or the kind of cool where I'm always walking around with a plastic grocery bag full of mysterious unknown contents. Maybe it's cold pizza. Maybe it's rotten vegetables. Or maybe it's the shattered pieces of my former life. Or maybe it's just full of a bunch of melty candy bars that I eat really loudly while standing too close to you in line.

{Creepy Comb-Over Strong Bad is standing behind Homestar Runner and PomPom in line at Bubs' concession stand. He pulls out a melty candy bar and starts munching.}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: {to PomPom} Hey PomPom! This guy smells like pea soup. {Singing, to Creepy Comb-Over Strong Bad} You smell like pea soooup!

STRONG BAD: And then I'd always be suspiciously coming out of bushes and shrubs a lot. Like, right when you walk by. And if I see you {Homestar Runner says 'woah'}, I'd say some cool phrase that's almost one word and not quite another.

CREEPY COMB-OVER STRONG BAD: {to Homestar Runner} Oh, excardon me!

HOMESTAR RUNNER: {singing} Um, I don't know what that means.... And you still smell like pea soooup!

STRONG BAD: And I'd be so cool, that even if you were a dude, I'd still call at you like you were a lady.

CREEPY COMB-OVER STRONG BAD: {to Strong Mad; he says one of following three things every time you watch it:}
{1} I'm very sorry, ma'am, but could you help an old denominator, like me, gather his spectacles?
{2} I'm sorry, ma'am. Would you mind helping an old wintergreen gather his spectacles?
{3} Sorry to bother you, ma'am. Could you help an old Soderbergh gather his spectacles?


STRONG BAD: {typing} That's a pretty cool guy right there. It's good to know that if I ever let myself go and grow a couple feet behind a bush... I'll be sitting pretty.

STRONG SAD: Uh, excardon me, but none of that stuff is cool, Strong Bad. You basically described that creep Senor Cardgage that lived down the street from us when we were little.

STRONG BAD: What!? You didn't think Senor Cardgage {prounonces it "seh-nor", which is weird, as Strong Bad's the one who's mexican} was cool?

STRONG SAD: No! He was extremely sketchy and gave me nightmares.

STRONG BAD: And... What's not cool about giving the nightmares?

STRONG SAD: Uh.. Never mind. Go back to your creepy comb-over story.

STRONG BAD: Anyways Jor-dan, Creepy Comb-Over Story Strong Bad is definitely a cool, cool guy. In fact, I wouldn't mind hanging out with a guy like that. Well, things certainly are looking up for the future. Me, I'm gonna go look up Senor Cardgage. {He stops typing.} See where that guy ended up.

{The Paper comes down.}