CE1: FIRE! ATTACK! ALL MEN, FIRE! YES! WE'VE TOOKEN OUT "SHOTGUN" SHOPIUM'S SOLDIERS!
SHOPIOM: THAT'S SHOPIOM!!! NOT SHOPIUM!!!
CE1: OKAY, SHOPIEM!
SHOPIOM: OKAY, I'M GONNA GET OUTSIDE AND KILL YOU!
(Gets outside of tower, seeing The Conductor pointing a gun at him. He sees Kupo and Nelson339 in their big tanks.)
CE1: Sorry, it's our job. Surrender, or be deleted!
SHOPIOM: How are you gonna delete me, smart guy?
(Nelson339 and Kupo charge weapons, making load noises.)
SHOPIOM: Oh, wow. Like you have the guts.
(The Conductor gives him a swift punch in the nose.)
SHOPIOM: That didn't even hurt. You're only ten.
(Punches CE1, giving him a bloody nose.)
CE1: Ow. Is that blood?
(Kupo and Nelson339 fire at the tower, accidently missing.)
KUPO: Uh-oh.
(Tower falls apart, rocks start to fall.)
CE1: Brace yourself!
(The Jugglin' Jesters appear out of nowhere and start juggling the rocks.)
JUGGLIN' JESTERS: Get out from under here! We can't juggle much longer!
(Shopiom and CE1 get out, CE1 has a broken leg, though)
SHOPIOM: Thanks, I'm sorry that I'm on Agen-
(Kupo fires a net at Shopiom.)
NELSON339: SteveBad is gonna like this!
SHOPIOM: Oh man, how am I gonna get out of this net? WHY? WHY? WHY? {says it while pounding his hand on the net} WH-{The net rips open} Horray for long fingernails! {Scratches the rest of the net open}
NELSON339: How the crap did you get out?
SHOPIOM: Let's just say I nailed my way out!
NELSON339: That's lame.
SHOPIOM: It's the best I got.
KUPO: Well, cease him! {handcuffs
Shotgun Shopiom}
SHOPIOM: Aw, crap! {
Kupo and
Nelson339 take
Shotgun Shopiom to Stevebadia}
STEVEBAD: I see you got yourself a prisoner of war.
SHOPIOM: {Kicks the key out
Stevebad's pocket and unlocks the handcuffs with his mouth} Haha! I got out! Now,
Stevebad, I challenge you to
A GOLF TOURNAMENT!
{On the golf course aka Stevebadia}
SHOPIOM: I get the second rate golf ball!
STEVEBAD: No, you don't! It's my frikin' ball!
SHOPIOM: {Points shotgun at Stevebad's forehead}{Saying through gritted teeth} Give...me...the...stupid...ball.
STEVEBAD: {nervous} OK. {Hands
Shotgun Shopiom the second rate golf ball}
SHOPIOM: {puts the ball down on the tee and hits it with the golf club} {the ball sails 6 inches across the course and...}
SHOPIOM: {breathes heavily} {the ball lands in the hole} YESSS!
STEVEBAD: Beginner's luck! {
Shotgun Shopiom takes out his shotgun and loads it} OK, that was good! You did good!
SHOPIOM: {happily} Thank you. Now, take your shot.
STEVEBAD: {hits the ball off the tee and it lands 3 holes away}
SHOPIOM: Oh, crap!
{Transition to the 12th hole}
SHOPIOM: Well, {gulp} here we are at the last hole. Hole number twelve.
STEVEBAD: I'm winning! 3 strokes behind you!
SHOPIOM: {mad} Don't rub it in.
STEVEBAD: Whatever! {hits his ball and it lands a half inch from the hole after 2 strokes} This is it. If you get it in the hole, you win.
SHOPIOM: {hits the ball and it lands 1 inch away from
Stevebad's ball} NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
STEVEBAD: Oh yeah! I win! Oh yeah! {suddenly a hooded guy appears and kicks
Shotgun Shopiom's ball into the hole}
SHOPIOM: Thanks! {the hooded guy comes up to
Shotgun Shopiom and lifts up his hood. It's-}
SHOPIOM: Strongrad?
STRONGRAD: Don't say anything or tell anyone. {puts his hood back on and runs away}
SHOPIOM: Oh yeah! I win! Oh yeah!
STEVEBAD: But the-and the-with the-CRAAAAAAAAAP!
SHOPIOM: Me and the Homestarmy are celebrating by playing Three-To-One Marny all night!!!
The end
??: Okay, this is it. They're playing Three-To-One Marny.
(Fires a tranquilizer at AgentNine, ShopIom, and FireBird)
THUD! THUD! What's on my back? THUD!
(?? take off hood and reveals it's The Conductor.)
BAM!
CE1: Agh... I'm hurt! Someone shot me.
Gotta reach phone.
(Dials 991.)
CE1: Dang it. Wrong number.
(Dials 911.)
CE1: There. I hope they come in time.
IT'S A WHODUNNIT? (In other words, it's who shot CE1.)
Suspects: AgentOne, AgentTwo, AgentThree, AgentFour, AgentFive,
AgentSix, AgentSeven, AgentEight,
AgentNine, AgentTen,
Agentseethroo,
StrongRad,
SteveBad,
KuPo,
Nelson339,
Jugglin' Jesters,
ShoPiom, and (or)
Clever Dan.
SHOPIOM, FIREBIRD, and AGENTNINE: {they wake up}
SHOPIOM: Whoa, guys, I had a terrible dream! We were playing (Three-To-One-Marny)
? and I was losing!
FIREBIRD: That wasn't a dream. It happened.
SHOPIOM: = NOOOOOOOOO! =
AGENTNINE: Come on! I bet it's not that big a deal!
AGENTSEETHROO: {comes} Haha, Shopiom lost! He lost Three-To-
SHOPIOM: Shut up!
AGENTSEETHROO: {takes off one of
Shotgun Shopiom's badges} That's what you get for rude talk, maggot!
SHOPIOM: Well, I won the golf tournament!
AGENTSEETHROO: That was SO last issue! Nobody cares about that anymore!
AGENTNINE: Hey, Seethroo, lay off the guy!
AGENTSEETHROO: Hmmmm. I
WAS gonna let you operate the missile control, but I guess that's not gonna be happening now, is it?
FIREBIRD: *cough* toughguy *cough*
AGENTSEETHROO: In the Homestarmy rules, it states that no one shall talk while coughing, sneezing, hurling, or passing gas. {leans close to
FireBird} Do you understand?
FIREBIRD: {salutes} YES SIR! I WILL STOP DOING THAT AT ALL COSTS, SIR!
AGENTSEETHROO: Good boy. Shopiom, I have thought about that golf tournament in the last 3 minutes and have decided to let you have a tank of your very ow- {alarm goes off} Let's go!
{The Homestarmy goes out and finds The
Red Assassins ready for an invasion}
FIREBIRD: {sarcastically} Ooh, look! It's the new army! They don't have any experience and are gonna tear us limb from limb! Ooh, I'm so scared!
KINGOFHOMSARIA: {throws a hand grenade at
FireBird}
FIREBIRD: Ow. Can somebody get me to the hospital? Please? {The Homestarmy Ambulance comes and takes
FireBird away}
KINGOFHOMSARIA: Anyone else wanna question the authority of the Red Assassins?
~
AGENTNINE: Nope.
AGENTSEETHROO: Mmm-mmm.
SHOPIOM: I'm good. {simaltaneously}~
CE1: Now prepare for defeat!
SHOPIOM: Um, I think I hear my mom calling me...IN MY HOUSE!
AGENTSEETHROO: No way, Om! If we have to fight, so do you!
KUPO: {fires his gun at
Specialist Seethroo}
SHOPIOM: {pushes
Specialist Seethroo out of the way in slow motion}
AGENTSEETHROO: Shopiom! That saving my life was way too slow!
SHOPIOM: But, it was a Matrix-like style! That wasn't cool?
AGENTSEETHROO: No. Being "cool" is you saving me quickly!
AGENTNINE: Hey, guys, can you help me? I'm kinda fighting independently, which is not good!
AGENTSEETHROO: Oh, crap! The rebels of Slave County, USA are about to kill Nine! Don't start another conversation with me!
SHOPIOM: But-but-you-oh, nevermind! {The Red Assassins crowd around the Homestarmy and throw bombs at them}
AGENTNINE: *gasp* We're surrounded!
SHOPIOM: There's no way out!
AGENTSEETHROO: We're doomed! {A mysterious woman runs in, disarms the bombs, and ties up the Red Assassins in about 11 seconds}
SHOPIOM: Who the crap is she?
AGENTSEETHROO: Honey!
AGENTNINE: Honey?
AGENTSEETHROO: Oh, this is my wife! Agent Opaque!
SHOPIOM: {his jaw drops} You guys are-MARRIED?!
AGENTOPAQUE: Yes. Agent Seethroo is so awesome!
AGENTNINE: Thanks for saving us!
AGENTOPAQUE: Well, I couldn't let little Seethy die!
SHOPIOM: Seethy? {
Shotgun Shopiom and
AgentNine burst into laughter} {
Specialist Seethroo and
AgentOpaque shrug}
THE END