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Tue, 20 Jul 2004 03:10:32 . . . . wsip-68-15-78-156.oc.oc.cox.net

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{We begin by looking at a sesame seed bun with mayo being spread over it. Each time the knife passes over it, the credits displayed on the mayo change. "This is a Homestar Runner Cartoon" "Mike, Craig and Matt wrote it" "Matt and Mike made it" "Matt and Missy did the voices" "its called: Where's the Cheat?" We zoom out to see Homestar Runner in Marzipan's kitchen making a veggie-burger. He puts green olives on top and sticks them on with toothpicks.}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: {making sound effects for the olives} Dik! Doing! Dik! Doing! {the sandwich is finished, Homestar lifts it up to marvel at his creation} Hmm! {Homestar walks over to Marzipan who's taking a nap on her couch} Hey stupid, I brought you this stuff! Oh, I mean, I brought you this veggie-burger.

{Marzipan gets up from the couch and Homestar hands her the burger}

MARZIPAN: Oh, thanks, Homestar! {she looks at the burger} Oh! He's just adorable! He's got a little face!

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Yeah, I thought that was great, too. The olives, um, kinda look like... he has eyes.

MARZIPAN: Little green eyes with red pupils and a big leafy smile? Homestar, I don't think I can eat this. He's just too cute.

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Umm...yeah. It's cute and all, but, um, it's not that cute.

MARZIPAN: Oh yes he is that cute! Aren't you that cute? Aren't you that cute?

{the phone begins to ring, the following dialogue overlaps}

||HOMESTAR RUNNER: Umm...Marzipan? Um, I think your phone...is ringing. Yeah, definitely your phone's ringing.||MARZIPAN: Yes you are. Yes you are. Oh yes you are. Now do a little smile for me. Do a smile, that's it. That's it. Oh, I like your lettuce.||

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Um...are you gonna get that?

{Cut to Marzipan's Answering Machine.}

MARZIPAN: {answering machine} Hi, this is Marzipan. Please leave me a message.


STRONG BAD: {leaving a message} Oh hey Marzipan. Have you seen The Cheat? Because we can't find him anywhere. Anyways, this is Strong Bad--uh, ooh, um...{clears throat and starts mimicking Homestar's style of speech} I mean this-this is Homestar Runner. Oh Marzipan...um...I killed PomPom! {Cut to the stick, where Strong Bad, PomPom, and Strong Mad are there. Strong Bad is talking on PomPom's cell} Yeah, we're--we were playing badminton in his yard...and I got mad and I killed him! {cut back to the answering machine} Oh no, I need your help...burying his body...{Strong Bad tries to hold back laughter, cut back to the field} uh, bring some towels...and some garbage bags...uh...this is Homestar... {Strong Bad closes the cell phone and tosses it to PomPom, who absorbs it into himself} PomPom, cell. BWAHAHAHA! Oh man, that was so great! You guys shoulda heard that man! I pretended to be Homestar, and I said I killed you, PomPom! Like, Marzipan's gonna freak out--


STRONG BAD: Oh, The Cheat? Right, right. PomPom, cell again. {PomPom glares at him, bubbles, and gives him the cell again. Strong Bad makes a call, and Strong Sad answers.}


STRONG BAD: Hey weiner. Is The Cheat over there? Don't you guys play Candyland sometimes or something?

{cut to Strong Sad's room}

STRONG SAD: Oh, no. The Cheat and I play Jenga on Tuesdays. Tonight is my night to play--

{cut back to the stick}

STRONG BAD: Okay, so The Cheat is not there. Thanks. Bye. {hangs up and tosses the cell to PomPom} I mean, where could he be, you know? It's like, what part of "meet us at the stick" didn't he understand? Well, I guess we should go look for him. Come on, guys.

{They all walk off and arrive at Bubs' concession stand. Bubs is going over inventory.}

BUBS: 17...24...17...hey you guys! This isn't another shake-down, is it?

STRONG BAD: Naw, man. We're just looking for The Cheat. You seen him?

BUBS: Well, let's see here! {starts going through his inventory checklist} Candy bars, popcorns, ketchup, catsup...{arrives at "cheats...0"} Uh, nope! I'm fresh outta Cheats.

{using the veggie-burger as a scene change ala the Batman logo in the old Batman show, we go to Marzipan's living room. She's talking to the burger, while Homestar is standing there in a daze, slowly tipping over.}

MARZIPAN: Somebody needs a name! Who needs a name? You need a name, that's who! I think I'll call you Homestar Junior. Homestar Junior! {Homestar falls over} Do a smile for me, Homestar Junior! Who's the cutest, Homestar Junior?

{We have the same logo scene change. We're at the locker room with Strong Bad, PomPom, Strong Mad, and Coach Z.}

COACH Z: Sorry, boys! I haven't seen The Chort! Though I have caught him sleepin' in that far locker there from time to time.

{Strong Bad goes up to the locker and opens it up}

STRONG BAD: Lessee what we got in there...nope, he's not here. Though I see he has been cheating on his New Years Resolution. {pulls out a carton of smokes} Though I can't really blame him. You know, because he's The Cheat.

{Strong Mad holds up a signed picture of The Cheat that he gave to Strong Mad. It's signed "To Strong Mad, You are rad! -The Cheat" Strong Mad starts crying.}

STRONG BAD: Don't worry, big guy. We'll cut to a montage. I mean, find The Cheat.

{We cut to a montage. PomPom puts up posters of The Cheat, titled "Have You Seen The Cheat???? Ht: 1 ft. 2 in. wt: 18 lbs." He then bounces off. Strong Mad walks through the Halloween area. He approaches a car, and lifts it up, causing it to fly away. The Goblin is sitting underneath.}

STRONG MAD: The Cheat?

'{The Goblin starts dancing. We do a logo transition, this time using one of the posters PomPom was putting up. We are in Strong Sad's room. He's playing Connect Four.}

STRONG SAD: Okay, your turn.

{we cut to the other side of the table, where Homsar is sitting}

HOMSAR: Oh no! You shanked my Jenga ship!

STRONG SAD: I shanked your Jenga ship? We're playing Connect Four!

{Bubs walks in}

BUBS: Hey you guys! Where The Cheat is at?

STRONG SAD: Oh, I don't know. It's just us two.

HOMSAR: AaAaAaAaAaAaA! Hey Tubbs! I just lost my Jenga jam.

BUBS: Don't you talk to me!

{Bubs walks off. Cut to Strongbadia. Strong Bad walks in.}

STRONG BAD: The Cheat? The Cheat! *sigh* How's it going, tire?

{cut to the Poopsmith and Coach Z near the Poopsmith's pile of whatsit}

COACH Z: So you haven't seen him then? {The Poopsmith shakes his head} Okay. So I see you still got your pile of whatsit there.

{The Poopsmith nods. We look over to see the King of Town approaching his grill with a steak.}

THE KING OF TOWN: Doo hoo hoo! Doo dee doo doo doo! Doo hoo hoo hoo! {he lifts the cover of the grill to find The Cheat sleeping there} Oh! That little yellow thing! Wake up!

{cut back to Coach Z}

COACH Z: Hey look! The King's gone mad with power! He's gonna eat The Chort! JEEEOOOOORRRHH! (As Strong Mad walks up.) I got him, Strong Mad!

{Coach Z jumps on top of the King of Town and they struggle. Strong Mad walks up and punches the King of Town, and they both go flying back into the wall of the King's castle. Strong Bad shows up.}

STRONG BAD: Hang on, everybody! The King of Town was not going to eat The Cheat.

COACH Z: Ooh jeeze! Sorry about that, there, Kingy!

{Coach Z and the King of Town walk up to the grill, and PomPom arrives from the opposite direction}

STRONG BAD: No, no, no, no. That's where The Cheat lives. That's his house!

COACH Z: Wait a minute! The Chort lives in the King of Town's grill, but you didn't think to check there before now?

STRONG BAD: Uh...well...yeah! I mean, it's a really complicated story. It all started...

{Marzipan arrives with the veggie-burger}

MARZIPAN: Hey guys! Homestar Junior's talking now!


MARZIPAN: He said, "Put that freakin' sandwich down!"

HOMESTAR RUNNER: {from behind Marzipan} No, it was me!

{Marzipan holds up Homestar Junior so that it blocks Homestar's head from our view, making it look like the sandwich has a body}

MARZIPAN: I know it was, sweety!

HOMESTAR RUNNER: No, it was me! Homestar Runner!

MARZIPAN: You're Homestar Junior, remember?

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Would you put that freakin' sandwich down!

MARZIPAN: There, he said it again! I'm so proud of you! Who's the best, Homestar Junior? {she continues to baby-talk Homestar Junior under Homestar's dialogue as the screen slowly fades to black}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Somebody, can I get some help here? Strong Bad? Would someone talk some sense into this woman? King, you wanna eat that sandwich? Somebody eat that sandwich.

{We fade into a commercial for "The Homestar Jr."}

MIKE CHAPMAN: Introducing the Homestar Junior. For a limited time only, certain children get prizes. Pay 99 cents.