Changes by last author:

Every person who's been a fan of Homestar Runner for a particular period of time knows a number of quotes that sound completely nonsensical to the average bystander but cause other fanatics to burst into a fit of uncontrollable laughter. To qualify as a good quote, it has to be effective outside of its context -- that is, if it requires a paragraph of explanation to set it up, it's not a good quote. A good quote can be inserted easily and barely modified into any conversation -- try it with each of the quotes below (warning: you will get strange looks).

Each quote should be followed by a link to its origin.

=== Strong Bad ===
*"Screw all y'all." (StrongBadEmail/sb_email 22)
*"Ali, Ali's siiister. Ali, Ali's siiister." (StrongBadEmail/sisters)
*"My emails are like my childrens." (StrongBadEmail/personal favorites)
*"Whoo-Hooo! Clear the launchway, men! We're takin' this baby TO THE MOOOOOON!" (StrongBadEmail/personal favorites)
*"Hold on tight, The Cheat, we're blastin' off TO THE MOOOOOOON!" (StrongBadEmail/personal favorites)
*"I like-a-to-say, holy crap!" {in "old-school" Strong Bad voice} (StrongBadEmail/personal favorites)
*"I can do it. I will do it nine times!" {Cheat-cartoon-style voice} (StrongBadEmail/crazy cartoon)
*"Shut it up. Shut it up, you." {Cheat-cartoon-style-voice} (StrongBadEmail/crazy cartoon)
*"Oh, look who thinks he's Clever Dan!" (StrongBadEmail/sibbie)
*"Thank you Interrupter Jones." (StrongBadEmail/morning routine)
*"So I'm gonna have to jump!" (StrongBadEmail/stunt double)
*"It's curtains for you!" {As The Strong Bad} (Parsnips-A-Plenty)
*"Holy, holy, holy, holy, holy crap!" {singing} (Spin 'n' Say)
*"This is the worst deserted island ever!" (StrongBadEmail/island)
*"I think The Cheat is deleted!" (StrongBadEmail/huttah!)
*"Who's ready for fun?" (StrongBadEmail/the bet)
*"Matt equals MATT! {BRRAAAMMMMPPPPP!}" (StrongBadEmail/50 emails)
*"And I pretend that's it's made of money" (StrongBadEmail/mile)
*"Wow, I thought I knew what ridiculous was, until this day." (StrongBadEmail/army)
*"It's OVER!!!" (TeenGirlSquad/Issue1 (et al.))
*"Oh...! There's two of them!" (StrongBadEmail/sisters)
*"An unlimited supply of one million punchesintheface" (MarzipansAnsweringMachine/Version 8)
*"You know, the kind that are only sorta hot so they don't mess around with other guys!" {singing} (StrongBadEmail/different town)
*"Meedley Meedley Meedley Meedley Meedley Meedly Meedley Meedley Meeeeeeeee!!!" (StrongBadEmail/guitar)
*"Palace, Lee, I believe you mean Costume Palace." (StrongBadEmail/fingers)
*"Come on, get in the boat!" {in low-quality buzzy voice} (fishing game)
*"SWEET LADY FREEDOM! Let's make out!" (Strong Bad Is In Jail Cartoon)
*"One two three, e-mail me. One two four, e-mail me more." (StrongBadEmail/brianrietta)
*"Stiny, get me a danish!" (StrongBadEmail/superhero name)
*"I thought I smelled bacon." (Strong Bad Is In Jail Cartoon)
*"surprised at your lack of humor, DELETED.(BRRAAAMMP!!!)(StrongBadEmail/Spring Cleaning)
*"My focus is all... crocused." (StrongBadEmail/sibbie)
*"Today's forecast is total crap!" (Main Pages/MainPage 11)
*"I put some beans on it, in case you wanted beans on it..." (StrongBadEmail/big white face)
*"Uh, this dance contest is neither contesting nor dancing very well." (StrongBadEmail/replacement)
*"Aww, nothing brightens up a window quite like Strong Sad's severed head." (Halloween Commentary)
*"No, you're not. But we're prepared to give you a dozen of these eggs and let you wash it down with a roll of toilet paper in exchange for you leaving us alone for the rest of eternity."(Three Times Halloween Funjob)
*"You're way taller than me. And way... guitarer than me." (What We Did Last Week)
*"Man, if I had a nickel for every email I get, I would throw them at people in the food court. From that railing, like up above." (StrongBadEmail/haircut)
*"If I saw that thing running around my backyard, I'd get out the compound bow." (Halloween Commentary)
*"I don't trust that guy any farther than I could throw him." (Commentary from The King of Town DVD and In Search of the Yello Dello DVD)
*"Maybe their bus flew off a bottomless cliff... and into, like ...a bottomless pit." (StrongBadEmail/2 emails)
*"Oh, and I'm sure every loser out there wants to hear your loser opinions, loser." (StrongBadEmail/couch patch)
*"It escaped. Into the mountains." (Thing in a Bag)
*"We interrupt this whining to bring you this important headline: 'World bored to death by Strong Sad's commentary.'" (Experimental Film/Commentary)
*"I mean-WHGT! JGTH! YES I'M AWESOME!" (StrongBadEmail/lures & jigs)
*"I met a strange man with strange ways and strange odors." (StrongBadEmail/colonization)
*"Oh Trevor! I'm pining for you!" (StrongBadEmail/trevor the vampire)
*"Get ready to be pistol-whipped, snowman!" (Decemberween In July)
*"I'ma go re-nog." (Decemberween In July)
*"Who's the guy that wins all the contests? That's me, Strong Bad! Except maybe for that one contest... Or maybe more than one contest..." (A Jumping Jack Contest)
*"Lets pretend that we're in love (so I can break up with you)." (Strong Bad Sings)

=== Homestar Runner ===
*"Oh, no, it's a Strong Bad!" {in "old-school" Homestar voice} (StrongBadEmail/personal favorites)
*"Here, The Cheat, have a trophy!" {Cheat-cartoon-style voice} (StrongBadEmail/crazy cartoon)
*"What do you think I'll say next: Sid Hoffman or Sid Frenchman?" (StrongBadEmail/date)
*"OK! Hot soup is on my eye." {Cheat-cartoon-style voice} (Powered by The Cheat)
*"Looks like you're riding the 7:30 alone train to ALONEVILLE, making stops at ex-Girlfriend Junction and West BREAKING UP WITH YOU!... Oh! And you can KEEP THE COLLECTOR'S PLATES!!!" (MarzipansAnsweringMachine/Version 9.2)
*"Oh, I get it. You're supposed to be, umm, the witches' brew." (Pumpkin Carve-nival)
*"I think I has the solution!" (In Search Of The Yello Dello DVD)
*"Hey Stupid! I brought you this stuff!" (Where's the Cheat?)
*"Do you has what it takes?" (StrongBadEmail/army)
*"This is the best video game I've ever played!" (The Cheat Theme Song)
*"I'm a belle!" (StrongBadEmail/halloweener)
*"Yeah, you're probably right." (the interview)
*"I know, can you believe it?" (Fluffy Puff Commercial)
*"Seriously." (various places)
*"Get it off, get it off, get it off, get it off, get it off, get it off, get it off..." (StrongBadEmail/impression)
*"Pom Pom, my main man. My dawg. My ace in the hole. Second Place. DING!" (Pumpkin Carve-nival)
*"SWEET MOTHER OF MYSTERY! What's going on here?" (Thing in a Bag)
*"Hey Crapface! Why dontcha blow it out your ear." (StrongBadEmail/50 emails)
*"Oh I doubt it, I drove!" (the interview)
*"Science again! I said science again!" (StrongBadEmail/stupid stuff)
*"Now spell encyclopedia.... WHAT? I'M SUPPOSED TO WHAT?! Oh, man... I blew it real bad this time." (Spin 'n' Say)
*"Hey Strong Bad, is there ice cream yet?" (StrongBadEmail/island)
*"This does not look good for Homestar Runner." (StrongBadEmail/50 emails)
*"Coach Z, are you a poser?" (Pumpkin Carve-nival)
*"Well, kids and people, it just goes to show: Strong Sad doing Tai-Chi, is really, really funny." (Strong Bad Is In Jail Cartoon)
*"You missed a good one, man. Missed a good one." (StrongBadEmail/dullard)
*"Anyways, on to my cool words I had to say." (StrongBadEmail/car)
*"Well if you take a look at my resume, you will see that I have quite a bit of experience in many different related fields." (the interview)
*"It's dot com!"(First Time Here?)
*"Here comes the thnikkama'a'a'an" (sings) (StrongBadEmail/monument)
*"Saints be Praised!" (Three Times Halloween Funjob)
*"Someone's a-gwabbin' a-my butt" (Three Times Halloween Funjob)
*"Nice belt! Nice belt indeed!" (Puppet Jam)
*"I am a pretend guy that... comes around... and... gets run over by a lawnmower blade!" (Marzipan's Answering Machine Version 10.2)
*"I don't know what that means! And you still smell like pea soup!" (StrongBadEmail/kind of cool)
*"(singing) And then I put it on my face..." (StrongBadEmail/replacement)
*"Crapface!" StrongBadEmail/replacement and (StrongBadEmail/50 emails)
*"I can't think of what to get my girlfiend for Valentines Day. Um, she's kind of annoying, and overbearing, and kind of a big hippie. So if you could... buh.. Oh... dooo doOO DOOO! The number you have reached is not... your boyfriend calling you.. uh, right now. Doooooo do do do do dooooooo this is the dial tone doooooooooooooo. OK, bye!" (MarzipansAnsweringMachine/Version 6)
*"I hate that fwickin' marshmallow!!" (Meet Marshie!)
*"Perfect! Timing!" (in Cheat-cartoon voice) (StrongBadEmail/crazy cartoon)
*"Why don't you look over there? For no reason." (Marshmallow's Last Stand)
*"Ohhhh!!! I think I drank too many melonades!!!!" (A Jumping Jack Contest)
*"Seriously, Pom Pom. I'm about to pee my pants." (A Jumping Jack Contest)
*"Yeah, me too. Worst commissary ever!" (Experimental Film/Commentary)
*"What's not to understand? Eh! Steve's mouth exploded the universe, and that blonde guy did a tiny, tiny dance!" (Decemberween In July)
*"The gathering of pies and pie-peoples, like to give a shout out to Lemon Pretend over there..." (in dazed-sounding voice) (StrongBadEmail/car)
*"Let's have a marriage! Let's have a marriage license!" (MarzipansAnsweringMachine/Version 9.2)

=== Coach Z ===
*"You was tryin' to jank me!" (StrongBadEmail/caffeine)
*"I don't wanna die!"(StrongBadEmail/caffeine)
*"I'm shakin' it to the left and to the right!" (StrongBadEmail/2 emails)
*"Great jorb there." (A Jorb Well Done)
*"I'm taking a leak!" (StrongBadEmail/2 years)
*"No, no, no, it stands for the Wu-Tang!" (Pumpkin Carve-nival)
*"Hey dere, ho there!" (Character video)
*"Ooh! Jorjy fruits! Oh, I mean Jerjy Frorts! I mean GEEEEOORGIE POORRGIE!! George Foreman? (tries to say Jujy Fruits) " (The House that Gave Sucky Treats)
*"This year Halloween falls on a weekend. Me and ghetto boys are trick-or treat-en'. Robbin' little kids for bags." (Three Times Halloween Funjob)
*"Justice rocket backpack rocket rocket fire!!!" (Cheat Commandos)
*If you say Coach, then I'll answer with "Yes?" or "That's me!" or "Hoo-ha!" Character video
*"I'm a blade man, man!" (StrongBadEmail/personal favorites)
*"DELORTED!" (StrongBadEmail/replacement)
*"Hey guys, check it out! I'm hot girl number 37!" (StrongBadEmail/2 emails)
*"I have more than 2 prablems." (Spin 'n' Say)
*"Check it out, yo!" (Pumpkin Carve-nival) and (StrongBadEmail/different town)
*"This is a dark day for track and field." (StrongBadEmail/autobiography) (easter egg)

=== Bubs ===
*"I think the word that describes me best is, 'personality'... because, uh, I got a good... personality!" (Characters)
*"I've dealt with this before! Lights: Definently out!" (Three Times Halloween Funjob)
*"This one time, I hooked up my lawn mower to my nintendo, and after that, I got the new high score every time!" (from the G4 interview with The Brothers Chaps
*"Yeah. Shut up kid!" {As Thnikkaman} (StrongBadEmail/monument)
*"I got all types of crazy crap." (The Best Decemberween Ever)
*"My chocolates! Come back, chocolates! I didn't mean what I said!" (StrongBadEmail/invisibility)
*"Just wanted to let you know that Coach Z got that kick-in-the-crotch you sent him just fine!" MarzipansAnsweringMachine/Version 7
*"Hey guys! Where The Cheat is at?" (Where's The Cheat?)
*"Don't you talk to me!" (Where's The Cheat?)
*"Candy bars, popcorns, ketchup, catsup...uh, nope! I'm fresh outta Cheats!" (Where's The Cheat?)
*"Ooh, I'm such a dummy. (A Jumping Jack Contest)
*"Shinin' up a chickin in the mo'nin' mo'nin'" (sings) (StrongBadEmail/lunch special
*"Everybody knows me! My name's cornbread!" (A Decemberween Pageant)
*"What's this malarky?" (StrongBadEmail/lackey)
*"Grabbin' your butt? That's not very lady-like!" (StrongBadEmail/1 step ahead)
*"We'll need fifty bags of jold... I mean gold. Fifty bag of golds." (A Decemberween Pageant)
*"Ooh! Hot mama! YEEOW! Hot bees!" (StrongBadEmail/the process)

=== Strong Sad ===
*"I dream of my own death. Over and over and over...." (In Search Of The Yello Dello DVD commentary)
*"Ow! Please! Quit! Punching! Me in the face! Since when did you start wearing a class ring... with a camera in it?" (StrongBadEmail/date)
*"I can't remember my lines!" (StrongBadEmail/caffeine)
*"I feel great! I feel great!" (StrongBadEmail/caffeine)
*"Marzipan! Marizpan!" (StrongBadEmail/caffeine)
*"It's my only friend." (The House that Gave Sucky Treats)
*"I don't like food anymore!" (StrongBadEmail/2 years)
*"I'm evil." (StrongBadEmail/different town)
*"Let me away from this boulder!" (Main Pages/MainPage 20)
*"I rarely know what you're talking about." Pumpkin Carve-nival
*"I'm sad that I'm flying!" (Main Pages/MainPage 15)
*"Now that's what I like to call a broken neck..." (StrongBadEmail/stunt double)
*"I wish I could say that this is the first time this has happened to" (StrongBadEmail/big white face)
*"Thank you! Thank you! Iím simultaneously honored and insulted to be involved in this contest for the fourth year in a row." (StrongBadEmail/impression)
*"This sucks!" (Main Pages/MainPage 16)
*"There needs to be a better word for 'weird'." (StrongBadEmail/morning routine)
*"Did you take some of my pills again?" (StrongBadEmail/funny)
*"Homsar called and said he was a million ladies tall." (StrongBadEmail/2 emails)
*"I'm sad that he's flying." (StrongBadEmail/helium)

=== Homsar ===
*"Oh no! You shanked my jengaship!" (Where's the Cheat?)
*"I'm cryin' on the inside..." (StrongBadEmail/impression)
*"I was raised by a cup of coffee!" (StrongBadEmail/interview)
*"I'm open for interpretation." (Three Times Halloween Funjob) (easter egg)
*"I think I won the power ball!" (Characters)
*"I'm forever your girl!" {as Modestly Hot Homsar} (StrongBadEmail/different town)
*"I'm just in time for the Murder Mystery!!" (StrongBadEmail/suntan) (easter egg)
*"Hey Tubbs! I just lost my jengajam!" (Where's the Cheat?)
*"Hi, Wonder Mike! I'm Homsar! The captain of the gravy train!" (Characters)
*"It's time for tasteball!" (StrongBadEmail/theme park)
*"Oh no! I think this is my favorite!" (The House That Gave Sucky Treats) (easter egg)
*"I'm feeling much better now, but I still can't feel my legs!" (MarzipansAnsweringMachine/Version 5)
*"Don't fake the funk on a nasty dunk." (StrongBadEmail/interview)
If you want a complete list of Homsar quotes, go here: Homsar/quotes.

=== The King of Town ===
*"My life is a joke." (Pumpkin Carve-nival)
*"They tell me not to, but I still drinks it!" (StrongBadEmail/the bet)
*"The coast is toast!" (StrongBadEmail/the bet)
*"What are we doing, guys? Making omelettes? Goin' to the bathroom? I'm cool with that!" (Three Times Halloween Funjob)
*"Yeah it will! On account ah', I'm totally cool!" (Three Times Halloween Funjob)
*"Poopsmith? Are you there? I feel like some serious biscuit-dough." (Strong Bad Is In Jail Cartoon)
*"That's all I wanted to know. I guess I'll be moving on to a different smel--place..." (StrongBadEmail/suntan)

=== Marzipan ===
*"I'm fiercely independent about the soy products that I choose." (Characters)
*"I'm the only girl." (Spin 'n' Say)
*"Who wants some, mmm.. Bakalavas? (Strong Bad Is In Jail Cartoon)
*"Homestar, I'm breaking up with you. (Pumpkin Carve-nival)
*"I left it on the vine, I left it on the vine!" (Pumpkin Carve-nival)
*"Thanks for the serum, boys. Now I won't be kidnapped." (StrongBadEmail/dangeresque 3)
*"Strong Bad, read a book!" {synthesized Dating Sim voice} (Extra Real Dating Sim XR)

=== Strong Mad ===
*"DID YOU JUST SAY 'PARAKEET'?" (StrongBadEmail/caffeine)
*"MAKE IT DANCE. MAKE IT PRANCE!" (StrongBadEmail/haircut)
*"HOORAY FOR BOX!" (StrongBadEmail/haircut) (easter egg)
*"NO! I DON'T WANNA EAT A GUITAR!" (StrongBadEmail/haircut)
*"I DON'T LIKE THIS MOVIE!" (Characters)
*"MY PANTIES. MY PANTIES!" (StrongBadEmail/morning routine)
*"THIS IS A LOTUS FLOWER! THIS IS A PRAYING MANTIS!" (StrongBadEmail/unused emails)
*"I WIN!" (StrongBadEmail/cheatday)

=== What's Her Face ===
*"My blood hurts." (TeenGirlSquad/Issue3)
*"I met a possum." (TeenGirlSquad/Issue3)
*"I think my friend and some presidents just flew by.." (TeenGirlSquad/Issue5)

=== The Ugly One ===
*"I got Jimmies" (TeenGirlSquad/Issue2)
*"Ow, my skin!" (TeenGirlSquad/Issue1)
*"Oooh, I'm too nervous!" (TeenGirlSquad/Issue5)
*"My lungs are filling up with sand. And cigarrette butts." (TeenGirlSquad/Issue5)

=== Creepy Comb-Over Strong Bad/Senor Cardgage ===
*"Oh, excardon me!" (StrongBadEmail/kind of cool)
*"Many combolations, elizagerth. I hope you get all my particles." (StrongBadEmail/flashback)
*"Sorry to bother you ma'am, but could you help an old (denominator/wintergreen/Soderbergh) gather his spectacles? StrongBadEmail/kind of cool
*"No probalo!" (Senor Mortgage)
*"Hi there, Belindas!" (Senor Mortgage)
*"Low rates... percent signs... I dunno..." (Senor Mortgage)

=== The Cheat Commandos ===
*"Those loonies are gonna blow up the ocean!" (Cheat Commandos)
*"I JUST HATE YOU SOOOO MUCH!!!" (Cheat Commandos)
*"Look! It's that guy! That flies that plane!" (Cheat Commandos...O's)
*"Will somebody get this flying cottonball outta my face?" (Cheat Commandos...O's)

=== Marshie ===
*"Sorry! Must've got a toenail caught in my throat!" (Malloween Commercial)
*"The first one to eat a million, wins!" (StrongBadEmail/the show)
*"Made from the best stuff!" {half-singing} (Meet Marshie!) and (Pumpkin Carve-nival) Easter egg

=== Stinko Man ===
*"That name is dumb! It sounds like it is SOOOO Dumb!!!!" (20x6 vs. 1936)
*"Are you asking for a CHALLENGE!?" (20x6 vs. 1936) and (Under Construction)
*"DOUBLE DEUCE!!!!" (Main Pages/MainPage 17) and (20x6 vs. 1936)

=== Eh! Steve ===
*"Eh! Steve!" (StrongBadEmail/crazy cartoon) and (Main Pages/MainPage 18)

=== The Homestar Runner ===
*"What?" (Parsnips-A-Plenty)
*"Well folks, you know what that means. Now I'll do a dance." (20x6 vs. 1936)
*"That monster's going to give me nightmares." (Mr.Shmallow)

=== The Cheat ===
*"Yeah man, I'll gnaw your face off. (cheat talk)" (StrongBadEmail/Cheatday)
*"Now turn that camera off before I throw this bust of Van Buren at it. (cheat talk)" (Characters)

=== Quotes you get sick of ===

=== Homestar Runner ===
*"Where's Marzipan? She's supposed to be hewowowowo!!!" (The Reddest Radish and MarzipansAnsweringMachine/Version 1)
*"Strong Baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaad!" (Mother's Day and The Reddest Radish)

=== Strong Bad ===